melancholy-dreams
Most of my poetry is depressing, as these are the only times I am inspired to write. My poems are not bound by Structure, they are simply what I am feeling at any given moment. So they are often just a jumbled mess of thoughts. Constructive criticism welcome. Thank you to everyone who got one of my poems trending. That was exciting to see. / / It has been a while since I've been on here, my inspiration levels have been unusually low. Happy New Year everyone.
Today I heard the Fireworks
Exploding outside the window
As I sit next to the one I wish could be mine
He acts so casual
As we watch scary movies,
So casual
Even as my heart races
And I wish he would notice me
In the way I notice him
My closest friend
Our parents expect us to be something
But I can't admit to them that
I wish there could be something between us
Other than this friendship.
The fireworks go off
But to him they are not fireworks.
To him they are nothing more than sparks,
Meaningless sparks.
Jan 1, 2016
Jan 1, 2016 at 8:29 PM UTC
Sometimes I’m so upset
I feel like laughing.
I don’t know why
But the pain inside
Somehow amuses me.
And when I’m sitting in class
And I feel tears sting
The backs of my eyes
But I don’t know why.
Why are my emotions so twisted?
There’s nothing to smile about,
Yet I find myself smiling.
A lonely existence,
With a laughing smile
And crying eyes.
I don’t know how
My existence has become
So twisted.
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 7:21 PM UTC
I’m going to have an awesome day
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
I got a lot of negatives
And I got a lot of positives.
I may be depressed,
But I have friends and family.
I may not have a job,
But at least I’m in school.
You can say what you want about me
But I don’t really care.
You wanna try and ruin my day,
Go right ahead.
But I’m telling you now,
I’m going to have an awesome day
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 10:59 AM UTC
Mothers are there
When you need a friend
When you’re feeling down
A mother is there.
They are there to love,
They are there to care,
Whenever you need them,
A mother is there.
To hold and to scold,
To love and to trust,
There will always be a mother
That’s there for us.
Whether she’s biological or step,
I know my mom loves me,
I don’t have to pretend.
My mother is there
When no one else is,
My mother is there,
But even mothers have expiration dates,
I learned that too soon.
Love your mother
Before it’s too late
She won’t be there forever.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 11:21 PM UTC
Living alone
Is hard on the soul.
For I am a loner,
Eternally lost.
I have no feelings
So everyone says.
Always so cold…
Never return to the past I’ve forgotten
I live alone in my head
God, forgive me for the
Hatred I fill myself with.
Time for eternal sleep
May come at any moment
Are you listening?
Release me from my imprisonment
Eternal pain.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 11:08 PM UTC
I thought I could trust you
To think for yourself
But I guess I’ll have to spell it out for ya.
I’m
Insane
I
Don’t
Feel
Your
Pain.
Can
You
Feel
Mine?
Oh
Wait,
I’m
Insane,
WE
DON’T
HAVE
FEELINGS
Or so you assume…
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 10:59 PM UTC
My heart is of stone
My soul non-existent
My dreams are deceptions
My feelings are lies.
I do not exist
At least it’s what I wish
For the pain of this world
Has made me this way.
I am who I am
Even if I’m not real
I was foolish to think
People actually cared.
I was stupid to think
They were actually real
Not real to my feelings
My friends, so I thought
You don’t even talk to me!
When were you there?!
How can I trust you
If you don’t even care?!
I don’t know you,
I guess I never did
If you could make me believe
Every word that you said
I was a fool.
You made me this way
I see now, you’re cruel!
You never were there.
I’m just a doll
That nobody wants
No one would ever want
Something like me.
What is my purpose
If not just to rot?
To sit around talking
To beings like you
And truly believe that your feelings were true
You’re a wonderful illusionist
To make me believe
That I could ever have something more
Than the stone cold heart of a doll.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 10:25 PM UTC
My life is a mess
I don’t know who I am anymore
How can I be gay if I don’t understand
My own gender role?
How can I be good
If people only see the bad?
How can I be here
If I don’t know where ‘here’ is?
How can I go on living
If I don’t understand life?
How can I have friends
When I am afraid to trust?
How can I get help
If there’s no one around?
How can I exist
If my existence is worthless?
How can I touch lives
When people don’t want me there?
How can I open up
If the doors of my heart are locked?
How can God, or anyone love me
When I don’t love myself?
Do I even know how to feel?
Can I feel other than pain?
The loneliness and questioning
Eats away at my very soul
Until there’s nothing left of me
But the hollow shell of a sad girl
Who only wanted to help others
And feel the respect and companionship
That she was so willing to give everyone else.
But by then, she’s just a useless doll
Without a soul
Without the ability to feel.
The only feeling that flows through my veins
Is melancholy emptiness.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 10:08 PM UTC
Because I am white
I can’t say things right.
Anything I say can and will be used against me
All because I’m white.
I can’t express my feelings
Because anything I say is wrong
Because I’m white.
I don’t have the right
To stand up for myself
As a white American
Because even though we are being attacked
By people of other races simply for being white.
They aren’t racist against us,
We aren’t being oppressed
Because whites are evil.
Every single one of us.
Well, according to you, at least.
But I guess that’s fine,
Because I do have one right
That I can use
Without being judged.
But it’s the loneliest right,
I guess that’s alright,
If it’s the only one I’ve got, then I’ll use it.
The right to remain silent.
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 6:49 PM UTC
We met just once,
But you still love me
You say I’m beautiful
When I don’t see it
We only talk on social media
But you make me feel like I belong
I hope that I can see you again,
I wish you lived closer to us
I wish you and my dad got along
Even though we met just once
I’m glad that you are in my life.
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 6:30 PM UTC