My God! My God! My most Loved God!
The same one that I sought
Doth strike me down
Upon this Holy ground
And lay my body here to rot
Fill my body with a fire!
Run smoke into my lungs!
I shall lay here
Confused by fear
Till I cough up all my blood
Sep 2, 2018
Sep 2, 2018 at 2:27 PM UTC
i don't like the thought of leaving
i suppose i never did
they had to pull me out of my mothers
womb
by my feet
as i was reaching at the
inside
walls of her stomach
trying to grasp onto something that wasn't there.
that's probably the first time i got this
feeling
you know the one that you get
at the end of a trip
when it feels as
if
your stomach is eating itself.
and that's the feeling i'm
feeling
right now
as i sense an ending being near,
the end of some sort of
chapter
and it's scary
with the knowledge that i'll never get those months back.
and it's
...
/frightening/
today at lunch my dad told me that
when he was
my age
he was married, paying for an apartment, and going to school.
i wish i could let that go.
instead i've been looking at my dead end ******* job
like a coffin with my name on it
like i'm gonna die the same way i lived
in the food industry
bury me with mcdonalds soft serve
and a chicken jr. from burger king.
and i can feel myself grabbing for the inside
of my mothers stomach
and there's nothing to hold on to.
and without any sort of warning
i am pulled out of my warm
bunker
and i'm tossed into the cold dark world
and all i can do is cry
and let go.
Aug 6, 2018
Aug 6, 2018 at 12:27 AM UTC
i wish i could say
i felt something when i saw you cry
but all i could do
was think about how ugly you looked
Feb 6, 2018
Feb 6, 2018 at 12:45 PM UTC
there was a time in my life
where i didn’t feel i needed you
but it’s safe to say
that was before we ever met
and though i wouldn’t label it as an
obsession by any means
still an infatuation
nonetheless
and now it’s not that i need you
but more so i want you
because i believe i can
survive on my own
well, i think that
then here comes my medusa
to look me in the eyes
and turn me to stone.
Sep 26, 2017
Sep 26, 2017 at 1:48 AM UTC
the night i
first
found out he
might
be sick it rained.
i ate manhattan's favorite
rice-a-roni
and tried so
hard
to feel something
to be fair i was very
upset
but i didn't feel it.
all i got was a
headache from
forced
tears and a
sleepless
night.
three months earlier
near the time of my
birthday
i was having a terrible day
per usual,
when i received a birthday card
in the mail.
it was from my sister and on the
bottom of the card it said
from:
then their names followed
but in the biggest
font, right underneath the rest of their names
was his,
'Elijah,'
written by his own hand.
I
smiled
at the thought of him
smiling
while writing that.
Aug 25, 2017
Aug 25, 2017 at 12:44 PM UTC
the last time
we
had *** i gave
you
rug burn on your back.
it stayed there for
some of the
months
to follow and remained
painful
as i broke your heart.
in the moment i felt
bad
about the red scabs that
protruded down the
outline of your
spine.
but looking back i'm
glad
i could give you a
reason
to think of me.
as horrid as it sounds i'm
glad
i could give you discomfort in your sleep,
just as months later
you
would do to me.
and though i wish you the
best
now, i hope that when you
wince as you sit
back in a seat you think of
me
and only
me.
Aug 25, 2017
Aug 25, 2017 at 12:37 PM UTC
my love for
her
is strictly
platonic,
because what else
could it be?
I sit on her
couch
and smile at every
single
word she says.
Her soft hand
touches
my knee, exposed
by my shorts,
as she laughs.
Out of nowhere she states,
“I like the
idea
of heaven, but
only
if there’s not a
hell.”
I realize then what
triggered
that statement.
we were talking about religion,
ironic to me is just that,
we were talking about religion
while I worship the
ground
she walks on.
My love for
her
is strictly
platonic,
I worship her,
but only as a
friend.
May 11, 2017
May 11, 2017 at 5:36 PM UTC
what does it feel like when you have a panic attack?
it feels like i'm running
it feels like i'm running
downhill
and i just can't
stop
myself
and i feel my knees
lock up
and i feel my legs
go weak
but i just can't stop
i'm like a car
that has been put in neutral
no
i'm like a car
whose brakes have been cut
because i have no
choice
to stop
and
and
and i start apologizing
i'm sorry
i say
i'm sorry
but it's not working
i'm not stopping
and so i start getting angry
don't ******* go to sleep
don't ******* leave me
can't you see that i need you?
why would you ******* leave me
when i need you?
why don't you love me?
why don't you ******* love me?
and with every word
my pace gets faster
i pick up speed
and the hill gets taller
and steeper
until it is a
ninety degree angle
and i'm falling
i'm falling to my destruction
why don't you ******* love me?
i keep repeating
why don't you ******* love me?
until i hit the ground
with a boom
so big that it could
destroy
an entire city
and i breathe
and i look around at the destruction
and i keep breathing
why am i like this?
i ask myself
what's wrong with me?
Jan 5, 2017
Jan 5, 2017 at 1:26 PM UTC
around
this time
last year
I
was
sexually assaulted
and now America
just voted someone
in
who is saying
that that is
okay.
Nov 11, 2016
Nov 11, 2016 at 9:01 AM UTC
often times
when i go into
restaurants
with my parents
that have little
candles
in the middle of the the table
i always
check
to see if its a real flame
in case i need to burn the place down
if my parents try to ask me about politics.
Aug 12, 2016
Aug 12, 2016 at 10:41 PM UTC