In the room
where
we became
one
I give you
up
and
let you
down
6 years
old
this
love of (y)ours
again.
IknowImsorry. again.
and I don’t know
if you
can carry us anymore
I push it all down
until it rises and bursts
untold history of bitter pain
it all rises up again
I hid your toothbrush in the cupboard
Its sight startled me
wrenching me useless and weak
(I’ve only been drinking water unable to eat)
I need to hold back
I know
Let the pain play its course
Even if I wanted I couldn’t go back to you
You’re too headstrong
You’ve always been
Never understanding my
idiosyncrasy
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 7:25 AM UTC
Love. The drug.
Peddle pushing ****
Chest pains.
More, ******* more.
Than I deserve.
Inconsistent at best.
And nervous.
And sad.
And I would make you love me,
but disappoint more,
Had I the body and shine,
to light your golden face
I would give up all that I’ve earned
these past 6 years.
But it helps to know,
I’m not too far gone
That my heart still beats,
and hurts
and my stomach tightens,
making me sick.
If I could I’d catch a plane,
leave this ******* city.
I’d run away just to return to you.
And I know you’re too pretty,
for me
Makes me want you more.
I’ve missed this feeling.
It feels like living.
In a city created to repress.
Counting down the week like its my last chance to feel like this again.
Choices and voices and speaking and words
Will hurt you more than I can bear
I want you to be free of me
Breaking your heart can never be fair
Not sure if I’ve ****** everything up
Certainly feels like a world of pain
Is headed my way
Today
Sep 7, 2016
Sep 7, 2016 at 10:34 AM UTC
your sound reverberates off these walls
the light rays refracting off the rotten warm wood
nobody can say how long they stood
or what they held
so dear
let go
Apr 18, 2016
Apr 18, 2016 at 4:30 AM UTC
Hot Durban nights.
Naked in the pool.
The Blue Waters.
Ebbing.
Next door, my grandfather tried to hold on to. His wife. Thirsty for oxygen. As I slide off the tilting roof, holding its water as it cast me off.
Into the nearby sea.
You muffled my coughs. The taste of Vicks still won't leave my mouth. But it's one of my fondest memories.
(By the bar where the Rwandan directors smoked dope.
Late night discussions the foolish call art.)
You, me and &*^%.
Your tattoos and little *******
I thought were perfect.
Modelled after martinis we'd never drink.
(My broken phone kept calling Kote.
Kote panicked with this unknown.
Suspicious of coups.)
The hand cloth towel slipped off your body.
The pool water dripping onto the sheets.
(Our saviour in the township on that night we tempted fate, re-enacting rapes, the terrifying 12 left us, and her girlfriend tried to kiss me, alone in the car)
You walked into my hotel room.
Fourth floor.
You took the bible from the draw.
Fourth floor.
You threw it with a flick.
Fourth floor.
Then you ****** my
Fourth floor
And I fell
Fourth floor
asleep.
Feb 23, 2016
Feb 23, 2016 at 1:33 AM UTC
My blood has calcified.
I can't recall when, but you don't notice the saglines.
Until it's too late.
The pulse no longer pops at appropriate times.
You can't trace my bloodlines.
Somewhere along the way I was drip dried.
Out the eyes last I recall.
The pain, which I thought would never go away, has left me numb. And dumb. And broke. alone.
And it extends, in troubling ways, to those whose blood still beats and boils.
My blood has calcified.
I no longer feel alive.
Feb 22, 2016
Feb 22, 2016 at 1:00 PM UTC
The people party
The night goes on
Friends pass out in basement rooms
Those ******* in the garden
Stop by to say hello
The moon wanes
As I watch my girlfriend from afar
People glide and I stare
The spilt sticky floors
Can't stop them
Cold vicious air
They won't feel the change
Tarred up lungs
It goes on and on
It won’t stop
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 5:17 AM UTC
The wild partying had turned into something fierce, a roaring creature off the leash, spitting fire and
acid out of its own corroding mouth, the vibes were different the trip had turned,we took to hiding
in our cars while the harsh soaking rain fell, people trying to break into our car while we slept,
standing, facing away from the car while their hand snaked behind their backs, slithering blindly to
the cold smooth handle, they gave the handle a squeeze and we thought about opening the door
and grabbing one while they were doing this, their friends running off screaming as their friend
disappeared into the dark abyss
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 4:57 AM UTC
The passage is dark and deep
Forever going in the darkest dreams
The rooms all different
All bathed in the half light
As I'm dragged along
Twisting and contorting
To see it all before I'm gone
A room with knives
And one solitary chair
Where I would sit and loving stare
It leads to a room of headless snakes
A twirling kaleidoscope
Of red and green
Tinged in death
Maddening dreams
The room in which
I was locked
The door is stuck
I am weak
There is no
way to escape
these walls
the endless
passages
of haunting halls
Leading down the hall again
Leads us to a room in which
Indian movies music played
The screen danced and flicked
while your body flicked along,
foam crawling out your mouth
eyes rolling back
In this boys dream
a mother screams
And I can do nothing,
yet again
Of youth and age and memories
Another door yet to open
of sickness repression
Of warmth and senses
Smell taste touch
The heat burns of this childish lust
The wolf froths and growls
Its teeth glisten
And I scream
A dream within a dream
We climb up the stairs
as they curve and crack
splinters of this dream
ever more it will seem
never real to me
of a room within a room
the tiniest doors for tiny hands and tiny dreams
I but ever small
The room has shrunken
and I will ever crawl
ever more
too big
to find
that
tiny
door
Dec 7, 2013
Dec 7, 2013 at 7:23 AM UTC