You are an attic that my thoughts are still lost in.
Your mind is cluttered with ideas, kindness, secrets and confessions,
all covered under thick dusty blankets of bland conversations.
Every time the sun hit a part of your mind,
you revealed a memory and I like a child
oohed and ahhed at this over told story.
Despite the floorboards creaking “baby you don’t mean a thing” and dust lingering with the goodbye that will never be said,
it was my favorite place.
I would try bringing up my own newspaper clippings and photo albums but there never was enough room in this attic I suppose.
I remember one night I spotted poetry painted on the wall
hidden behind a pile of blankets and your record player voice cracked with the words ‘you're beautiful’ and ‘you're perfect’.
But maybe the words were already painted for somebody else
and You’re voice caught on the vinyl of the moment.
Darling they told me that a family from Utah is
moving in next week,
I hope they treat you well.
Darling the door has been locked and boarded without a warning
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 9:09 AM UTC
I'm, too;
caffeinated to sleep,
****** to be awake,
Anxious to be thinking
And
Afraid to ask for a hug.
As a result,
I'm thinking about God, death and us.
To be honest, I'm not even sure
which I'd least want to think about.
I've never had faith in anything, really.
Well, aside from the inevitably of my death,
Which I don't want, yet, I'm not ready.
If God was around,
I'm sure his or her gaze
has been pushed elsewhere.
And
There's us.
Well,
there's you and I.
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 8:56 AM UTC
Holding his hand was like a prayer
and when we kissed I finally saw God
but no amount of getting on my knees could stop Hell from clutching it's burning hands to my throat and no volume of screaming could lead to my salvation.
I tell myself it must have been the devil telling him to love her
instead of me,
but that won't change the fact that you never were my Heaven.
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 8:53 AM UTC
1. When I woke up with your arms around me, I wanted to mold into you(delete)
2. I didn't care that you woke me up at 7 am to take me out to breakfast, you could have woken me up at 4 am and i still would have smiled (delete)
3. When you say my name my insides tremble (delete)
4. I want to feel you tremble (delete)
5. Sometimes i imagine your body so close to mine that we confuse our rib cages and i leave with one less bone because i'd give you more of me without you asking (delete)
6. I have been in love with you for 1000 days tomorrow (delete)
7. No i'm not counting (delete)
8. You told me you were tired of loving people who don't love you back so i told you to stop searching and look for the answer right in front of you. But you didn't see me (delete)
9. I never wanted to be invisible to you (delete)
10. I dreamt of your sheets and they swallowed me in (delete)
11. Even when we are dead and buried into the ground i will swim to you like a mermaid of the soil just to be next to your bones (delete)
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 5:43 PM UTC
**** did he have a smile i used to always tell him to stop smirking at me and i don’t think he understood why i did, but every time his smile lit up every time every time he smirked when i said something to him every time his eyes lit up like a christmas tree the crinkles in his cheeks made this perfect pattern.I fell more in love with him
he was beautiful.
he told me he never cared about me and it took me a while but i found out i was gonna be okay with it because you change for the ones you love. I fought loving you for a while because at the time i wasn’t even sure i knew how to love someone anymore after last time but ******* did he teach me. Everytime he called me, every time he calmed me down when no one else could even make me flinch
every time he helped fix me no matter what it was he could make me smile and i think i slowly forgot how to fix myself because i had him and i thought that he'd always be there i mean that was what he had promised wasn’t it? I lost all self reliance but i felt safe And when he left I tried to get over him by just being with random people but their lips never made me actually feel anything; not once did they send shivers down my spine and i never go to bed smiling anymore, and not once did i care when they left finding out i wasn’t ready to be with anyone after him. He was easily my favorite mistake and even though he’s gone from my life I’m glad we had talked that night and tragically enough i wouldn’t take it back for anything
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 5:30 PM UTC
Ive been coughing up blood since you left
there are dark circles around my eyes and everyone remarks that i look tired
they ask me if i need anything but honestly all i need is you back in my life
but you aren't here so i'll start sleeping less because when i do sleep
i have to wake up and realize the only place i see you is in my dreams
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 5:24 PM UTC