I never meant to be mean
Despite our differences
All I wanted
Was to make it right
To make you understand the depth of my feelings.
You kept on saying and swearing that you weren’t seeing anyone else
When the real question I was asking was if I ever had your heart
You kept on saying you cared for me
When all I wanted was for you to prove it.
And I, who always felt the words comforting
Found myself struggling with yours,
Not understanding all the sentences that kept coming from your mouth
Because my entire being was focusing on one simple sentence:
He is a liar.
You said I don’t have to make any effort from now on
But how can you be trusted
When you made me hope for so much
Yet gave me so little.
May 6, 2018
May 6, 2018 at 3:45 PM UTC
You know how I always say that our existence should have a meaning?
Not necessary something big,
Not necessary something important and life changing
But something that will affect others
and maybe make their life a little easier.
I feel like I am supposed to be the girl who helps boys like you
to get over a girl they once loved.
I make them forget their lost
I make them forget their pain
I kiss them, I hug them, I make them feel special
even if I know for sure,
they are not thinking about me
when they kiss me so fiercely
they are not thinking about me
when they touch me,
their mind are a thousand miles from here
wishing they had someone else in their arms
wishing for their true lovers to come back.
And it hurts to think that I will never be the one they crave for
I will never be the one they are trying to forget
simply because I am easy to get
and easy to leave.
He touched me in a way you never did,
my body liked it and asked for more
while my soul was digging its own grave.
I am the no “strings attached” kind of girl
I kiss them the night
only to leave early in the morning
while they still dream
about their lovers.
May 6, 2018
May 6, 2018 at 3:38 PM UTC
I just stood there glancing at him
as this little voice in my head kept whispering to me
that he wasn’t the one,
and will never be
For I lost the only person I ever cared for.
I just stood there glancing at his lips
While he worshiped my kisses
Begging for my skin to be against his
Craving for my touch
I just stood there glancing at his eyes
Hoping that someday, they will resemble yours
Trying to catch sight of his soul
To prove myself he had at least one thing in commun with you
I could have simply walked away
But instead I stood there
waiting for something I couldn’t control
waiting for something he couldn’t give me
waiting for his love to magically appear
No it wasn’t right,
Asking for his love
when I knew I couldn’t accept it
Asking for his love
when I didn’t love him
Asking for love
in the exact same place where I lost yours
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017 at 4:59 PM UTC
Don’t get me started on love,
for I can spend hours describing it,
I would say things like:
Love is a temporary strike of light in the night sky,
An unexpected moment of joy drown in an ocean of misery
Serendipity.
Love is powerful, love is passion
But love is rough
Love is sadness
Love is smoking a cigarette while listening to your favorite music at the moonlight
Love is writing his name on every inch of your heart
But love is rare, love is precious.
And among all things
Love is gone.
Oct 24, 2017
Oct 24, 2017 at 5:51 PM UTC
My heart chose not to heal
It just kept absorbing all the sadness it found around
and amplifying it
to the extend that
It turned little troubles
into petrifying nightmares
and basic questions
into existential issues.
My heart kept on dreaming about a world
that was far from perfect
glamorizing each person
embellishing reality
fantasizing.
My heart was simply not meant for peace
And sometimes I am mad at it
for it causes me more sadness
than I have or can carry within me.
But the heart wants what it wants
And sometimes, it *****
Oct 21, 2017
Oct 21, 2017 at 5:35 AM UTC
we pour our words on a piece of paper
words that were once whispers that floated through the wind.
too quiet for anyone to hear
too gentle for anyone to hold onto.
yet they were the cries of agony
from cuts and bruises left to scar our heavy souls
we pour our words on a piece of paper
in hope for our whispers to be heard.
Oct 16, 2017
Oct 16, 2017 at 5:00 PM UTC
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!
Please be cautious when reading. If you feel you'll be triggered in any way, please don't read. Thank you.
I'm done.
Done with trying too hard
Done with sleepless nights
Done with disappointment
Done with being a disappointment
Done with hearing their voices in my head
Done with seeing visions of my abuse
Done with being around people
That just don't care
I know they care
But my brain tells me they can't be trusted
They're like everyone else
I avoid "everyone else"
I'm done with my anxiety
Done with my sexuality
Done with my gender
Done with my PTSD
Done trying to pretend I'm happy
When all I've wanted to do is cry
But crying would make others uncomfortable
And doing that in the past led to peer abuse
I'm done with my brain going on tangents
Done with having a constant smile on my face
Even though it's fake
And everyone knows it is
Done with heaving after a panic attack
Done with my abusive visions becoming reality
Done with feeling nothing
Done with being anything
Done with breathing
Done with living
Because at this point
What is there to live for?
Oct 16, 2017
Oct 16, 2017 at 4:59 PM UTC
I didn’t leave you
I didn’t run .
Even when every one told me to,
I stayed
to patch your heart
the same way they used to repair broken pottery
with golden dust.
I didn’t leave you
I didn’t run .
But I gave you my love
and everything I had
even when i knew
that we were falling apart.
And now,
I can’t fix you anymore
with golden ink or deep kisses
And how am I supposed to draw you
when I don’t even remember
what I used to feel for you.
Is it my fault if you left me
Or your fault if I left you ?
But we will never found out my love
Because you left me too soon.
Or was it me who did ?
Oct 14, 2017
Oct 14, 2017 at 6:50 AM UTC
I went on a journey just by myself.
I wasn’t desperate for you anymore
and my heart was no longer craving for your kisses
My soul finally stopped missing yours
and this bound connecting us vanished.
I picked up those lovely debris you left behind
and put them in a jar
waiting for the right moment to come
the right moment to unite them for another time,
a last time.
I went on a journey just by myself.
leaving my memories of you where they belonged
in the dark, hidden so deep even I can’t reach them anymore.
I took my diary and started writing
about this peaceful person I turned into
and this tenderness I found in people I met.
I didn’t know where I was going
I didn’t know if I was ever coming back
But i knew there was nothing left for me back there
Only a burned land
with desperate souls
and collapsing stars.
I stood still in the rain
and let the sun kiss gently my skin
I closed my eyes and heard the wind whispering:
“No matter where you end up
even if it is in this exact same place where you started,
in this barren land
both moving through times
and remaining unchanged
Know you won’t be you anymore
Know you will become
Those billions laughs you heard
and those infinite hugs you gave
Know you will be
those shooting stars you contemplate
And those nostalgic paintings you wrote.”
yo , no soy yo;
por lo menos no soy el mismo yo interior
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 5:09 AM UTC
You don’t know people until you know them,
and you know them when you know who they once loved-
so intensely its’ stained their soul,
so fiercely it caused a hole
in the exact same spot that once,
was filled with love.
You will know when you’ll start,
listening to their whispers.
Understanding their silence.
Trying to fill that void,
left by another soul.
One thing leading to another,
you’ll eventually find yourself
right between Scylla and Charybdis.
Navigating between
your lust to jump into their hurricane,
and your desire to go back to that storm of yours.
Hoping,
their hurricane could cover the sound of your own storm.
Fearing,
it could cause heavy rains that would wreck your soul.
Thunderstorm!
Deluge.
Blizzard.
You’ll know.
when you’ll know.
Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 6:07 PM UTC