"Is it easier to write poems about sadness?"
Yes and no.
It's easy enough to let out insanity in a wolf pack of words racing across the page. It's easy to be sad, to write yourself off a cliff or into a void.
It's hard to have the courage to own that emotion and move past it.
It's hard to catch a moment of unspeakable beauty without it crumbling, like capturing a butterfly with your bare hands. It's hard to find them and embrace them you have to seek them out, but I think in the long run they are better for you.
At my lowest low I could never have imagined the joy my life could one day find, but I'm glad I waited.
Mar 31, 2016
Mar 31, 2016 at 5:50 AM UTC
Love is the greatest thief
slinking away with more than I thought I could give
just a little more, like the tides pulling me out to sea
hard around my feet and so cold it burns my skin but I dive in
because I want to let it go, and take the current that tears at my soul
**** it down into some form of solidness
I want to tear open my chest and present my still beating heart to you
make you see it and look at it, taste it while I hold you down
this is me
this is what I want you to beg for while I'm ******* you hard into the sheets
this is the blood and bones and bits and pieces where I exist
and sometimes I don't feel real
I don't feel like anything can touch me besides the space I feel around me and I need to see the world change where I intersect
no matter the strength in my hands I can't grip you or move your face an inch
all the rage and the pain of wanting to make you shiver beneath my fingertips
twisted like a knife hot in the center of my chest
but I'd rather shove it deeper than be so alone
I'd rather twist it and hear you tell me about all the things you know can hurt me and dig in deep like shrapnel
with a smile on your face
I guess human beings are not built to withstand the vacuum of space and I am no exception
Suffocated with the words I feel but cannot speak because when I say them
you hear them without the conviction
you hear them as a game, as a come on
they are a crazy need to feel anything so deeply
beyond all my scars and wisdom, I want you to steal from me and give me more than you thought you were going to give while you catch me with little hooks in my lips
pulling away while you kiss me
letting me tell myself stories about how any of this means something at all
besides empty souls stumbling through the darkness
Sep 17, 2014
Sep 17, 2014 at 8:18 AM UTC
Speaking the words I use to net the tide of my emotions
The break on contact with the air,
Embers into ash
almost as the sounds cross
the tip of my tongue
and melt like snowflakes on your eyelashes
I want to tell you of a fire I can't feel when your lips touch mine
of a hunger that makes me crazy and driven and alive with need
it'as imagined and as real as any dream
I want to tell you I'm afraid of falling
but it's not the physical kind
I'm terrified that one day I'll lose contact
I'll reach out and to touch someone but I won't feel it
I'll hug someone so tight but it's useless
I'm the one who is gone
Do you ever feel terrible pain
sickening and twisting inside of you
I do
I pick it up and I **** it down and wrap it all around me
I let it burn into my skin like the teeth of a lover
eating little hole in me until I put it away
back into the box in the corner of my mind
If I can't have fire I want blood
my blood
filling in the cracks of my teeth and coating my lips
iron feels so tangible in every sense given
I want to feel more than skin pressed against me
but my sould can't leave my flesh
I want to chase something more than a lie
but everything I catch turns to dust in my hands
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 7:40 AM UTC
I write these words
and my fingers feel like they are clinging to the edge of time
as though they clutch a cliff
dead falls in my conscience stretch out for days
all the moments become lost..
I'm drifting in my silent sea
building memories from the sunlight
it strikes me that terror springs from the mind
unknown phantom of the dark
cunning specter of a wild howl
right outside my window
the hunger
How uniquely human
how insane and nonsensical it curls through the darkness
in which I am afraid to look in the mirror
In my dreams my lover stands naked in the doorway
does not love me
but instead echoes my heart
the words I never say
she says
I'm so tired
sometimes I feel like nothing but a leaf on the wind
blown about and battered
sometimes I feel nothing
I'm so used to drinking poison I don't believe it when I taste honey
and the sweetness still stings
I fear that I can no longer accept truth without finding it's pain
Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 7:49 AM UTC
There I was a wandering
on a long and lonesome day
And I thought to myself
Where is the love I seek?
I've sought it high, and sought it low..
But never have I seen..
And then a stranger passing by
did throw a rose to me
For you, they said
this simple gift
to show you that out there
are people just like us you see
who need a some love and care
in the silence that passed with them
I finally found the truth
The love we seek is ours to give
my mirror held my find
for to give a word
to be so kind
costs nothing but your time
to give a smile
is something anyone can do
why hoard your cares
why shutter your affection
we board the doors to our souls
for fear of being burned
and then pine our loss of sunshine
Love is free
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 4:53 PM UTC
I'm a sucker for sensation and I guess that you are too
Out at the world's end one can sit and stare across the sea
I imagine a great metropolis across the waves
the red silver blue lines from the lights paint the waves
Across the sea where we'd be looking back at ourselves now
where people are like wrist watches and
we watch the time for no other reason than that it is what we do
and the thing that would call the moment to the mind
would be the wisp of steam rising
from the green tea in my hand
smells of mint and glazed ozone
would be the sigh of the wind breathing
with smells of salt and spring flowers
like the full body stretch waking up from deep sleep'the tree limbs
pops and crackles of sea side earthen joints realigned
to face the clouded sky
blankets hung high the yet shine underneath
reflected incandescent bulbs burn the orange blue haze
trace the mist like a lazy spotlight
and falls on your hand where the chill simply lingers like it always was
on the other side of my cup of tea
on the lips of the person next to you
lingering only to be chased away
and fall back into the night
Jun 1, 2014
Jun 1, 2014 at 7:23 AM UTC
Darling
If I could
I'd tell you a secret
which is
I never stopped loving you
but you're gone
and that's good
because you need to be
some people just aren't good for other people
and we wore our tracks of sadness into the carpet like marks
from constant pacing in fear
what if he doesn't really love me..
I don't deserve this love..
I'll never tell you, dear.
Because I've found that often times love is harder to accept than it is to give
giving love is like giving flowers
but taking love is like trusting someone to catch you when you fall
all the love we give and all the love we take
It turns out, in the end, you were a sort of poison for me
slow burning
quiet sulking
at times feeling like nothing at all
but you were also a joy
you were a delight and a warmth in my darkest night of the soul
you were, despite what you lacked, my knight in shining armor
you were, my passion, my desire, my naked summer nights
for a time
before you became my thorn covered castle
my love who broke my outstretched fingers..
But love, I was more the fool.. like a child, I did not know..
I caught a colorful bird and held onto it so tightly, fearing it would never come back to me should I fail to keep it clutched tight.
I was wrong
I broke your feathers, I hurt your little wings for all I tried to nurture them, and you in turn turned against the flesh of my hands..
I should have set you free the first time you see
because every time I ever said I needed you was a lie to myself
and to you
I needed you to teach me that I did not need you
and you did
and even though now, you are a thousand miles away
sleeping in some other bed
writing me at times to tell me what a mistake it is you left
I'm glad you are free now
and I'll never let you come back, because it wasn't fair to anyone
I know that to love is ever to brush the tips of your fingertips across a bird in flight
watch it soar
to stare in amazement as such beauty wheels through a diamond sky
and alights upon my wrist
heavier than I would believe for such an airy being
with such talons as to rend the heart from my chest..
free yet choosing to reach for me
May 30, 2014
May 30, 2014 at 7:04 AM UTC
There is a softness to silence
like the edges of water meeting air
when you find it
you slip in
cool lakes of stillness
Silence is a wall when you hit it hard
like ice punching your stomach
when you land wrong off the high dive
and sink
rising bubbles
thoughts
tickle up your lips and rise into fields of lower pressure
In the space
where the cool rush of blood pounds the drum
like rock slides or avalanches that turn as the seasons do
to feel is a comfort from the still
as a touch seems something from nothing
such fire
such desire
is not captured
in any reality
May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 4:11 AM UTC
I guess it takes a long time to heal
more than I had thought before
and dreams are less distant island destinations
than they are
sailboats
which take me across the waves
in the comforting arms of a lover
with the imagined light of candles on her skin..
she moves in
shadows of reality where she never left
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 18, 2014 at 1:45 AM UTC
Tonight, I write
like I am on my knees again, begging..
Even though I swore I'd never do that again
Because its never enough
I feel hands on my skin
holding me like a statue, like I was something unchanging
fragile
I wish they would just rip it off
the skin that holds me together
and keeps me prisoner
and maybe that would be enough
reach into my chest and caress my heart still beating
tonight I'm begging anyone who can really hear me at all
to somehow give it back to me
With more than just a touch...
because the words don't let me go anymore
they flutter away like raindrops
no one gives them back..
Apr 10, 2014
Apr 10, 2014 at 3:14 AM UTC