My love
My ecstasy
You've ruined me.
To me, my love, you are ecstasy.
You came into my world, and opened my eyes wide
A level of happiness I did not know could exist
A haze of love and peace, of perfect contentment
But temporary
Expanding my capacity for joy, Creating new depths for pain
A constant ache of longing I can not bare
Ordinary happiness does nothing to fill emptiness you left behind
This low is not worth the high
My love
My ecstasy
You've ruined me.
Feb 18, 2014
Feb 18, 2014 at 7:04 PM UTC
Back back now we go
to where we all know
Everything that once was
Will’ve remained just the same
They’ll ignore that you’ve grown
And the world that you’ve known
They’ll call you a child
And it will drive you insane
But you’ll nod and you’ll smile
And think all the while
You left them behind
And they’re not to blame.
All the places you’ve seen
Could never have been
But for their support of your spirit
Your heart, soul, and brain
So back back we will roam
To our childhood home
Where time has stood still
And you’ll rejoin their game
Pretend to be small
That you know nothing at all
That you’re an innocent child
Quiet and tame.
Dec 8, 2013
Dec 8, 2013 at 2:43 PM UTC
Here I will wonder
And there I will wander,
And everywhere ponder
What life is about.
Dec 8, 2013
Dec 8, 2013 at 12:30 PM UTC
9:51am Sunday, May 5th, 2013
I wake up to the sound of rain.
With my eyes closed I listen to it drum against my window,
And I listen to his steady breaths.
With my head on his chest I can feel his heart beat,
And I feel his hand on my bare back.
And in this moment, this perfect contentment,
I know that I love him.
And in this moment, this pure and quiet joy,
I feel as though I'll never be alone.
8:05am Tuesday, October 8th, 2013
I wake up to the sound of rain.
With my eyes still closed, I listen to it drum against my window.
And I swear I can almost hear him breathing,
Can almost feel his heart beat,
And his fantom hand on my bare back.
And I cling to the memory of this moment,
Trying desperately to delay the pain.
And I brace myself for the moment,
When I will wake up alone.
Oct 26, 2013
Oct 26, 2013 at 1:19 PM UTC
For one night, and one night only,
I will love you madly.
And I know from the way you move with me;
exquisite,
And from the longing in your eyes;
exulting,
That for one night, and one night only,
You will love me madly too.
Oct 26, 2013
Oct 26, 2013 at 1:12 PM UTC
This time last year
You were my best friend.
We would talk for hours,
Until the candles burned low.
We’d talk about nothing,
And everything,
And I was so happy.
Nov 23, 2012
Nov 23, 2012 at 8:34 PM UTC
How does it feel.
How does it feel? Drowning?
A shocking force drives you deep deep under the change of matter and all around you the weight of the world is pushing you challenging you harnessing its unknowable might to break you until you don’t know which way is down
A numb and detached piece of you realizes it does not matter
And as the pressure drives through you your lungs begin to ache and your frantic heart is madly pounding airless blood through your swollen veins and you realize that you need air
But you know there is no air to be had
Desperation screams and the invisible noise hammers on the eardrums that were already broken and unconsciously seeing the inevitable end to this horror your body painfully forces you to pull in the toxic killer that surrounds you knowing the result and your decaying lungs are filled with ice
And then it changes
The hurt is still there and distantly you know you feel it you know you are still dying and if you are brave you know one small fiber of you is screaming and fighting because it is not ready to give up
But you are ready to give up
You are heavy and tired and the refreshing freeze of the water erases the burn of the memory of pain
Your brain is dead your heart is stone
preserved in its bleeding state
A heavy white sheet falls upon you and you are numb
You know you are dying
it is slower than you expected and
even on the reapers door you appreciate the irony
seconds are passing
and you know your very last
is approaching soon
and just before the
water turns black
you see
his face
his smile
his heart
and gladly you welcome the release.
How does it feel? Drowning?
I’ve never drowned. But I think it feels like this.
Nov 1, 2012
Nov 1, 2012 at 6:10 AM UTC
I stand on the edge of a great precipice,
A dream filling the expanse in front of me
Misty grey, entirely unsure
I rock back on my heels
It’s not too late to turn around.
Comfort, security, familiarity
Are waiting behind me,
In the small world I’ve always known
But ahead…
I don’t know what waits for me beneath the mist
If I jump off this precipice
The bottom might be hard and cold and empty
If the fall breaks me, will it hurt?
One foot out and my stomach drops
A nauseating blend of fear and anticipation
As I hang over the edge of my small world
A deep breath in,
And a quiet prayer for an adventure.
I jump
And I fly.
Oct 20, 2012
Oct 20, 2012 at 7:59 PM UTC
I didn't know I needed you
Until you were not there
Didn't begin to feel your love
Until it disappeared
And now you're gone
And I can't breathe.
Oct 15, 2012
Oct 15, 2012 at 12:34 PM UTC
Soon those dreams will dissolve around you
The chimeras fantasies will reach their end
Your clothes of splendorous adventures will be torn and burned
And you will be left to face the cold, pitiless mirth
Reality will engulf you, naked and defenseless
And mock for those careless hours you spent imagining
Those hours you could’ve spent preparing
For the day you would have to grow up.
But you did not
And now
You are alone.
And the inescapable truth is this
No matter how much they tell you they love you
Or how much they show you they care
People will always leave
You will always be alone.
Oct 4, 2012
Oct 4, 2012 at 5:06 PM UTC