You never realize how hard it is to be happy
Until you've gotten tired of wallowing in misery
After tasting happiness
And still having dark thought plague your mind
How you struggle to push them back
Exhausted by the end of the day
Telling yourself "you're good enough" but not believing it
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 6:01 AM UTC
I feel myself growing distant
Further and further everyday
The shell I worked so hard to break through
Surrounds me once again
The blade it brings no comfort
Yet I feel no pain
Will I ever learn to love myself
Like I did yesterday
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 2:54 AM UTC
Everyone has their addictions
Some like to swim in a bottle of whiskey
Others touch the sky as smoke fills their lungs
Carnal lust to feel some sort of love
Finding fleeting moments of joy in the bottom of a burning spoon
Me?
I'm addicted to the gore
Something wicked sharp for my legs
Something small for my torso
A sting and then it's smooth sailing
A leering grin on my thigh
I find myself in the raw pink edges
The yellow spheres of fat
That turn orange as blood bubbles to the surface
And run like crimson rivers down the drain
I am made of satin scars
A physical imperfection to mirror
How ******* up I am inside
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 11:09 PM UTC
My New Years resolution?
Why would I stop doing the very thing
That keeps my alive
By killing me a little
Every time
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 9:56 PM UTC
You look at me
Do you see me?
Sounds come from my mouth
Do you hear me?
You say you're my friend
Do you know me?
I exist
Am I living?
Eyes pass over me as if I were mist
Am I really here?
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 2:56 AM UTC
I hunger for the blade against my skin
Like a necrophiliac lusts for
Cold decaying flesh
I need the blade to feel the rush
Like an addict needs
A shot of ****** racing through their veins
I want to see the blood
Like a murderer stares in amazement
At his latest masterpiece, all gore and guts
Oct 16, 2013
Oct 16, 2013 at 11:30 PM UTC
The cuts on my legs
They're starting to heal
And they itch, how they itch!
Oct 6, 2013
Oct 6, 2013 at 7:52 PM UTC
Butterfly, butterfly
On my arm
You're no use to me
I only ask
For you are the creation
Of the one I love
Her hands held the marker
That graced my skin
An indirect whisper of skin against skin
Little butterfly
Though useless you may be
You are perfection
From the tips of your antennae
To the bottom of your wings
And the swooping pattern in between
Imagined and concocted
Made by the hands
Of god herself
Delicate butterfly
You hold her essence
In your dark lines
At night I close my eyes
Trace your shape
With my fingertips
Though you don't stop the blood
Little butterfly
I still love you
Sep 30, 2013
Sep 30, 2013 at 10:55 PM UTC
In the privacy of the bathroom
Lock the door
Check it twice
Pull out the small plastic box
Take out your weapon
Smile
Hot water to clean
A silver blade to cleanse
Bleed away the memories
Watch it twining down your leg
Like a scarlet ribbon
Wrapping itself around your calf
A red river going down, down, down
Swirling, twirling into the drain
Staining the tub red
My legs hurt
The blood is seeping through
I leave smudges on my bed sheets
And risk discovery when wearing shorts
But the scars are so beautiful
Do you think, that if you close your eyes
You'd be able to read them like braille?
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 11:52 PM UTC
Who am I?
Certainly I am not who is reflected in the mirror!
With scarred arms and lacerated thighs!
I am not the hated reflection that practices her smile before facing the world!
No!
I can't be!
She who hears the blade singing her name
And every wrong thing she's ever done is another tally mark on her skin
What is my name?
Is it pain, is it shame, is it filth?
Another ***** smudge on this stained planet
I think I remember it now
But it's just a memory long faded away
No point in wasting breath to say it
I am nameless, another blurred face you pass by
Sep 18, 2013
Sep 18, 2013 at 11:25 PM UTC