When I saw him again, I was no longer nervous.
When I talked to him again, I was no longer convinced that people that love you so dearly can turn their backs on you I'm a second bc suddenly 16 months felt like 2 minute commercials in between the tv shows right before something majorly dramatic is about to happen.
I questioned everything, I believed nothing. For once in my life, my heart was strong but oh was my stomach weak.
I wanted to touch him in the most innocent way you can say it.
I wanted to see if he was real even if his words weren't.
Because though you never truly get over your first love, you get over the lies, wrongs, and injustice they've committed.
He told me I changed him 2 years ago. And when I saw him yesterday he said it again, but I knew the difference between the 2. Falling in love changes people, but so does getting hurt.
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 4:02 PM UTC
I stared at a picture we took when we were happy.
But for some reason, I feel nothing but pain.
Make it stop, I tell myself.
Please, Please, Please, make it stop.
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 6:04 PM UTC
I always dreamed the day where I would bump into on the street.
I like to picture myself happy, with a smile on my face, staring into your eyes playing back every memory that we had.
You would look the same, older of course. You had the same old white t-shirt you wore when you were a teen.
You would tell me about your family, I would tell you of mine.
We could laugh here and there, talking about the moments that got us to this exact moment.
I always dreamed of the moment where you would tell me you were sorry, for making my heart break, my eyes tear, my body ache. I would smile.
I would thank you for the life I have now.
You would tell me you had to go, and I would tell you my hopes of happiness that would go your way.
I always dreamed of the moment where he would say goodbye again and my heart would do nothing but ache for him. Many people won't understand this part, but I dream of this day because I want nothing but my heart back. He has every single piece of my heart. Every single piece of my **** heart. I hate him for it, I really do. I dream of the day that I can get reunited with my **** heart. And the second that, that guy takes a step away from me I lose it all over again. I lose him all over again but I would do anything to be with him again.
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 5:59 PM UTC
Even though he was gone, I still felt him there.
Haunting me.
He was there in my greatest moments, in my thoughts and in my prayers.
He was there in my worst moments, in my head but never actually there.
I closed my eyes, counted to ten, and tried to get you off of my mind, but it's been too long of a time.
I can't think of my life without you which is strange because that life is what I'm living now.
I swear sometimes that I hear your name. I can't get you out of my head. I can't get the feeling out of my heart.
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 5:50 PM UTC
I didn't want to be cliché about it,
but he was the sun after the rain.
He was the light after the outage.
The courage in fear,
and the dessert after the meal.
He was the sigh of relief after a long day,
he was the wind in my sails on the vast ocean of my open heart.
I didn't want to be cliché about it, but there was no other way to describe the way I felt in my heart. Anything was possible. There was no reason to listen to sad music anymore, because for once in my life I was happy.
The poems I wrote weren't just strings of word simply pressed against a dead tree someone processed so we can write on, but heavy weighted letters that put together the reasons why you could look at a person and feel more at home than the place you grew up in.
He sat there asking me how much I loved him,
I pictured the rest of my life,
and how nice it would be with him holding my hand for the rest of forever.
I didn't want to be cliche about it,
"As much as the night brings out the stars, after the hours of them being covered up."
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 9:43 PM UTC
They tell you to find something to love in every person you meet,
but I took the wrong advice.
I found someone to love everything about.
They tell you, "happiness comes from within"
but I found sanity in all the wrong places,
if your arms were a house I'd be home.
They tell you not to cry when its over,
but to smile at the time you've spent,
so how do I do that when I don't remember how many days it takes to revolve around the sun, because all of my days once revolved around you.
I can't fall in love with strangers, because someone I don't know took my heart.
I am a different person now too, and all I can think about is if we will meet again.
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 11:55 PM UTC
He asked me to write him a poem.
I thought it would be easy,
but it was as if I didn't know him.
I stared at a blank page for hours.
One word hit me hard,
and that word was flowers.
A dozen of them red.
And that is when I realized,
the words that could be said.
He came into my world.
I'm happy as can be, that of anyone,
I became his girl.
It's like my favorite song,
I will never stop replaying.
I could here it everyday, forever for so long.
He doesn't have an area that he could ever lack in..
Never seeming sparse.
He speaks to me with actions.
My mood is always good.
And this makes me happy to say,
saying, "I love you too."
Will always make my day.
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 14, 2014 at 11:29 PM UTC
I met a girl that was in love with the past.
She kept a photograph with her everywhere she went.
It was the photograph of her and an ex.
"He will come back one day," She spoke.
I met a girl that was set on the future.
She kept a calendar in her purse at all times.
It was as if every day had something significant occurring.
"So many good things are happening!" She believed.
I met a girl who was focused on the present.
Every opportunity that arose she would take.
It was a second nature for her to live life to the fullest.
"It seems wrong not to." She was convinced.
Remember the girl that was in love with her past?
Yeah well, her ex never came back.
She looked forward to the future, when she'd find a new lover.
She ripped the photograph.
Remember the girl who carried the calendar?
It became booked.
She never had free time, and wanted to live in the moment.
She threw the schedule away.
And the girl who looked forward to every day?
She became old.
She couldn't do all that she wanted to do, and frequently looked back on the past.
She smiled constantly.
We are all on a journey of life.
Each day is filled with opportunities.
Don't wait till it is too late to realize it.
"Today is a gift, that's why the call it the present."
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 14, 2014 at 9:55 AM UTC
To the all the guys I have kissed:
My first,
I thought you were sweet
too bad it didn't last
My drunkness,
I don't know who initiated it
perhaps it is better that way
My first boyfriend,
I thought you meant it
but I was the one who felt it.
My mistake,
You were a rebound.
I was payback.
My foolishness,
You leaned in and I felt bad.
Guess guilt is a nasty emotion.
My first love,
You wrote a song I loved to sing,
I wish you never forgot the words.
My payback,
I am sorry I used you,
I cried when I got home.
My sorrow,
I wish you told me you had a girl friend,
so I can break your neck, they way you'd break her heart.
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 14, 2014 at 9:35 AM UTC
We were the Sun and the Earth
He gave me warmth, I gave him purpose.
He lit me up, I gave him a reason.
However, like the Sun and the Earth,
our orbit was an ellipse,
close to being perfect, but was always a little off.
I walked right past him in the hall today,
it reminded me of house the Earth revolves around the sun once a year.
Then, the distance grows.
I know you don't realize it,
but the Earth needs the Sun to function.
Then it hit me.
I have forgotten
I was one planet out of 9.
And I needed you more than you needed me.
{MC} © All rights reserved.
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 11:23 PM UTC