I can't tell when you're lying anymore.
And that thought scares me.
I can't tell if you're trying anymore.
And that thought scares me.
I chose to stay
After the truth came out
Though the pain of deception
Has pushed me away
Like a rose in autumn
I see our love wilting
I see the light of my faith in you
Fading to black
Mar 14, 2014
Mar 14, 2014 at 10:57 PM UTC
I often think about all of the times
I sat here listening
for the sound of betrayal.
I sat here praying to hear nothing
and holding my breath.
I realize now, that I was horrible at this.
I am not capable of standing by an addict.
Because I cannot sympathize,
I cannot empathize with you.
And it makes me feel like a terrible person.
I know on a reasonably sensible level
that you did not choose your actions with me in mind.
But the selfishness that surrounded those actions,
that way of being,
forced me to be selfish in my own way.
I know that you suffer
from an overwhelmingly terrifying disease.
But every time you removed that spoon
from the secret pouch it was in,
I felt the needle myself.
I felt it ***** and go through my skin.
But instead of the rush of bliss
you were enjoying in your world,
a rush of terror and anxiety flowed through my veins.
As you sat there contentedly drifting
in and out of consciousness,
I was screaming and crying
Inside.
It was truly terrifying
to sit helplessly by
while you destroyed yourself
and my faith in you.
I blame myself
for your failure to measure up
to my expectations of you.
I blame myself
because I sat by and never truly confronted
Your addiction
My pain
Or the fact that our relationship ended
The first time I caught you
Spoon in hand.
Mar 1, 2014
Mar 1, 2014 at 9:32 PM UTC
sleep that once eluded me
begins to lure me near
an idea that once i longed for
now brings me only fear
for once upon a time
long ago i met a man
i fell helplessly in love
a feeling few understand
every night i dream of him
holding me in his arms
I feel the safety and the happiness
while at the mercy of his charm
he haunts my world
that amazing man
and i do not shed a tear
until morning comes
and i wake up
and he's no longer here
Dec 18, 2013
Dec 18, 2013 at 6:24 PM UTC
You took my hand and lead me down
to the deepest depths of my soul
You showed me who I really am
And the things I'm capable of
You forced me to see
Just how hard I could fight
To silence your demons
That hold me so tight
I fight to stay focused
I fight to stay calm
I fight to keep myself sane
I fight to trust people, including myself
And I fight to forget your name
I'll never forget the day I found out
That everything you said was a lie
I'll never forget the feeling I had
Of wanting to curl up and die
The childish games you played with my heart
Left it a broken mess
I fight to forget you ever existed
And release the pain from my chest
I fight to be trusting
I fight to be fair
I fight to forget the pain
I fight for the chance to let myself feel
And I fight to forget your name
Help me to see
Why you did this to me
What about me led you here
I don't understand,
Forgiveness be ******
Why you worked for all my tears
Maybe some day you'll meet a sweet girl
And she'll make you feel happy and whole
I hope, if you do, she rips your heart out
And shows you the depths of your soul
Then you'll see why the battle I fight
Is a painful and exhausting ordeal
You'll see how numb the pain can make you
And you'll fight just to be able to feel
You'll fight to feel normal
You'll fight to stay calm
You'll fight to keep yourself sane
You'll fight to know why this happened to you
And you'll fight to forget her name
Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 11:32 PM UTC
I have these pictures of you
I can’t look at them now
I have these memories of you
I can’t think of them now
I have this need to see you
But I can’t be with you now
Because you’re gone
And you’re never coming back
This isn’t some sappy love poem
Where I dramatically confess my love
And lament the choices we made
That have left me alone again
This isn’t some stupid plea
For you to come back and see me again
Because you can’t
You aren’t at home
You aren’t out with friends
And I’m not pretending you’ll call me again
Because you won’t
I wasn’t there
And it’s killing me
They say you held on
For three hours more
And I wasn’t there
And it’s killing me
I don’t know how to deal
With never seeing you again
And it’s killing me
Dec 1, 2013
Dec 1, 2013 at 8:16 PM UTC
As I put my pen to paper
the thoughts all rush at once
to the forefront of my mind
Each one shouting louder than
the ones beside it
the ones in front and the ones behind it
pushing and crowding and
begging to be heard
As I put my pen to paper
I reach my hand
through the trenches of my mind
searching for one
just one thought to save
One thought to pull
from the screaming, swarming, mob
that so desperately needs to be heard
Dec 1, 2013
Dec 1, 2013 at 8:12 PM UTC
You know not the measure
of my now broken heart
your ignorance astounds me
vapor
I disappeared as if
into the thinest of air
maybe you would have commented
had you realised I was even there
gone but for a moment
yet forgotten long before
Dec 1, 2013
Dec 1, 2013 at 6:15 PM UTC
Heartbeats racing
Silent embracing
Bodies suspended
While flat on the ground
Late nights
Echoing fights
Dancing on air
Trying not to drown
Uncomfortable familiarity
Regrettable prosperity
Life seems more clear
Without them around
Dec 1, 2013
Dec 1, 2013 at 6:12 PM UTC
A little green toad
came hopping along
Bounced up to my door
while singing his song
"If only a girl would
wrap me up in her hands
and give me a kiss
and make me her man
I would give her the things
about which shes dreamed
and be the best **** prince
that she has ever seen"
I smiled at that toad
and wrapped him up in my hands
I gave him that kiss
to make him that man
The wind swept about us
As stars fell from the sky
The ground beneath us trembled
And we were flying high
It lasted only a moment
at least that's how it seemed
and standing there before me
was the prince of my dreams
He smiled for a moment
and sweetly kissed my hand
then he turned on his heel
and down the street he ran
a piece of paper fell
and settled on the ground
i stood in shocked silence
and slowly bent down
"I'm sorry to leave you
standing alone like this
it seems a bit cruel
to doubt that, I'd be remiss
Your entitled to your pain
your frustration apropos
but confusion I cannot grant you
After all, you knew I was a toad"
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 1:29 PM UTC
Empty thoughts stream in inconsistent lines
A love once thought lost somehow seems to thrive
The darkness had consumed all the happiest of times
But one look at you and once again I'm alive
Through the darkness and the clouds its hard to see
but a strong confident hand reached for me
Without thought I grasped it and was lifted away
To the safety of the light where I choose to stay
Thank you for being exactly who you are
You shine a light much brighter than any of the stars
Without you my world would be dark and cold
So I make these statements at the risk of sounding bold
I don't know what to make of the place we are in
And I'm not exactly sure where to even begin
But the truth is the love that courses through my veins
Has never been stronger than it is today
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 1:27 PM UTC