Sometimes feelings don’t translate to words.
Sometimes they can only manage to translate to silence.
And sometimes the best thing you can hope for is having someone to understand the poetry of your quietness.
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 12:24 AM UTC
Sometimes things aren’t fair and I have to remind myself to keep breathing so I don’t fall apart in the middle of class and I just want to scream but I have no voice in this huge world filled with so many others. It’s just not fair.
Sometimes I think so much it makes my head ache because all the thoughts are like knives in my brain and I used to wince every time one pierced my mind but now I barely blink.
Sometimes I hurt and my chest feels like it’s going to cave in and I can’t stop crying because everything I do isn’t good enough and I will always be a disappointment.
Sometimes I want to die because I see no point in living when my future is a black hole just waiting to **** all the light out of my life and swallow me whole. The stars in my eyes will fade and the planets in my hair will disintegrate and I won’t be able to do a single thing about it.
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 9:23 PM UTC
I do envy those who claim they have never been lonely. I envy that they have never felt that pain like I so often have. But I also pity them. I pity those who haven’t fallen to the lowest depths of human sadness. I pity those who have never climbed down the ladder of depression into the deepest well of suffering. Because if you haven’t experienced the misery, if you haven’t experienced the total absence of everything good, how can you expect to appreciate the joy?
Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 2:58 AM UTC
do you know that feeling?
where you can't really
place what's wrong and you
can't really explain what's
happening around you but
you know you don't feel
alright and it's like you're
slipping away under the ice
and no one's trying to break
through?
do you? do you know?
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 12:18 PM UTC
i have forgotten how to be myself, as if once when i was walking in a dream i forgot to wake my soul up. maybe it’s curled up sleeping in some far spiral of my fingerprints.
my friend tells me she can’t figure me out. she says the attic light is still flickering but the rest of the house looks dark. she says if you stare too hard at my eyes, you can see a noose up on the roof beam. she says i am standing on a stool, trying to decide if my life is worth taking.
i don’t know how to control myself. i lie awake at night wondering why i did things that make me cringe as soon as they happen. i lie awake asking myself how hard it would be to be normal. i tell myself that tomorrow, i will be perfect. i won’t laugh too loud, i won’t be a burden, i won’t speak unless i have to.
i spend so much time worrying about being perfect that i never get it right.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 9:38 PM UTC
I am a thousand head-collisions of two
tractor trailers and you are the EMTs’
who come and save the motorists I put
in peril. I am that one-too-many shot of
***** that causes someone to crawl
to the bathroom on hands and knees
and you are the friend who holds their
hair back while they dispose of what
made them sick; me. I am the cancer
invading a loved one’s bones and you
are the chemotherapy that brings them
to a full recovery.
You are the beautiful arrangement of rays
that the sun glimmers down on peoples'
faces during the summer time, I am the
numbing frostbite from the coldest and
loneliest night of winter. You're all of the good
qualities made up in a person, and I am all of the flaws.
Nov 12, 2014
Nov 12, 2014 at 11:22 AM UTC
// Jan 17th, 3:57am //
I just wanna hold you.
// Jan 17th, 8:38pm //
Can I have you forever?
// Jan 18th, 9:01pm //
Really, I just want to hold your hand and run around like stupid idiots together, not caring about what other people think.
// Jan 19th, 9:49pm //
You're all I care about anymore.
// Jan 19th, 10:56pm //
I knew I loved you the second I put eyes on you.
// Jan 19th, 11:00pm //
Babe, can we run away together? Just get rid of all the bad things an have it just me and you, forever?
// Jan 20th, 3:20am //
But I love you. Right now, if I could, I would tell the whole world that I love you. I love you with all of my heart babe.
// Jan 20th, 3:45am //
I love you so ******* much.
// Feb 22, 7:47pm //
Baby, you're perfect and beautiful just the way you are. You make me feel like the luckiest man in the world. I love you. Don't you ever forget it.
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 1:23 AM UTC
You were the first boy to ever tell me I was beautiful. We stayed up all night together until it was physically impossible to keep our eyes open any longer. You were always high on drugs. I was always high on your voice.
You and I were so innocent. It was a never ending lust. Both of us craved one another, but never said a word about it. After I was gone you told me you loved me. I apologized.
I hate beer, but I drank it so I could have a good time. I kissed you hard.
You tasted like strawberry flavored gum and cheap ***** I was on painkillers and you were drunk. We were never sober when we talked. I knew you were only using me for company, but I still felt the world when I was with you.
You picked me up at midnight to go to a lame party, we drank together the whole ride there. After three shots your arm was around me. You were bad news, but I loved every part of it. I don't remember much from that night, but when I woke up the next morning, your arms were still around me.
Oct 29, 2014
Oct 29, 2014 at 11:26 AM UTC
you were the only boy i let close enough to see the blue beauty mark that’s on my left cheek.
you were the only boy i let taste my cherry flavored chapstick that i used to smother all over my lips. (i can't even use it anymore because of you)
you were the only boy i let close enough to see the scars that are drawn across my body in places that people could only see if they cared enough to.
you were the only boy that told me that there were entire worlds hidden in my eyes, that aphrodite, venus, and achlys were nothing compared to me.
and i was so stupid to think that all of these sweet nothings were true.
ever since you left it feels like the lilac sky that used to hover over us has turned into a deep purple, green and blue kind of sky that only comes right before a storm starts.
ever since you left i haven’t been able to listen to the songs that once were my salvation because when I hear them I can only think of your face. the face that has put me through hell, but that same ******* face that made me feel like I was on top of the world.
and even though it’s so ****** up of me to say this, but if you showed up at my door right now saying sorry for making me feel like a black hole that was collapsing in my lungs,
for making me feel so numb that the only thing i can feel was my heart beating faster than the first time you held me.
i would still open my arms and blossom like a flower for you.
you're my weakness.
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 11:41 AM UTC