my therapist told me I seem grounded
but I didn’t tell that sometimes I miss you so much it hurts to breathe
that I look at pictures of us and my heart shatters
i didn’t tell her that somedays i forget how to get out of bed
that I see you in everyone else
that I can’t delete the texts yet
I didn’t tell her that somedays West Virginia feels like another world
And I definitely didn’t tell her that I still dream about showing up on your doorstep
that all I want to ask you is why I wasn’t worth fighting for
Jun 8, 2019
Jun 8, 2019 at 9:44 PM UTC
two long weeks with dial tones and texts that won’t deliver
I deleted your number just to add it back
Burned your pictures just to look for my backups
Thursday afternoon, I’m staring at the window thinking of you
I’m realizing that you are gone
That the leaves on the tree still flutter
The pavement will still glitter
People will carry on
The world will keep spinning
The clouds will keep raining
The sun will keep rising
And so will I, so will I
but you text me that night
You tell me you’re sorry that you’ve made a mistake
I’m not too far gone to disagree anymore
So I turn the radio up in my car
I push my hand out the window reaching for the trees
I let the wind blow my air
And I let you go
oh how I let you go
as I learn how to love myself more than I love the idea of you
Apr 26, 2019
Apr 26, 2019 at 2:07 PM UTC
was too busy trying to find a way to say goodbye
that I didn’t realize you already had
Apr 19, 2019
Apr 19, 2019 at 2:44 AM UTC
and just like when a tree falls in the forest
it will make a sound regardless of who is there to hear it
and you, my dear, are still beautiful, even when he’s not around to see it
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 2:46 PM UTC
talked to your best friend for hours
left feeling emptier than when I picked up the phone
I keep piecing it back to find where I went wrong
Tell me what I have to do to make you miss me like I miss you
Tell me what I have to do to make you look at me like you looked at her
what is it about me you can’t love
why am I so forgettable to someone who’s so memorable to me
why am I so in love with someone who feels nothing but hate towards me
and why can’t I let it go even when I know it’s been over for some time now
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 1:25 AM UTC
9:48
I’m listening to that song you hate
and I’m wondering how your hair feels between my fingers
someone told me yesterday to stop falling in love with stories
people aren’t poetry, they aren’t sad vinyls that keep you up at night
they aren’t flowers pressed in yellowed pages
but darling, you’ve never been anything other than art to me
but I’ve also heard that the whole thing about art is that you never really want it to be true
maybe that’s why I blocked your number and threw away all the notes
because I never wanted this story to be true
didn’t want to live through you leaving me
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 1:22 AM UTC
called you just to see if it was really over
I was hoping you’d convince me to stay
I realized my answer was in your voicemail
Apr 12, 2019
Apr 12, 2019 at 11:16 AM UTC
I know it’s shallow and I know you won’t even see
that no matter what I look like, you still won’t choose me
but still I stand in front of this cracked mirror
hoping the rosy cheeks and darkened eyes don’t betray my fear
I wanted to be around you without feeling less than
and I wonder again why I change so much of myself to please man
still the tears fall
and still you don’t call
there’s a voice in my head wondering if I’m the issue
doesn’t stop me from wanting to kiss you
Apr 11, 2019
Apr 11, 2019 at 12:43 PM UTC
my chest is cracking open
tears are falling in ways they haven’t for years
the silent scream keeps getting strangled in my throat
i think I knew it was over when I had to apologize for missing you
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 11:06 PM UTC
all my calls are going to voicemail
you don’t pick up the phone, you don’t show up where you’re supposed to be
I have flashbacks of train tracks and flatlining machines
want to run my hands through your hair
let my lips tell you that I’m here, I’m right here as they’re pressed against yours
The monster in my head is whispering
The same one that lives under my bed
it’s asking me why you didn’t trust me enough to let me be there
it’s reminding me that I’ve been close to having blood on my hands before
it’s running memories in my head like home movies
im pushing past the crowd, I’m reaching for you
There’s never going to be a world where my light is off, my phone is on silent, and my doors locked
I’m here whenever you need it darling
the porch light is on if you find your way to this part of town, I’m here if you remember for long enough that that used to mean something to us
Apr 7, 2019
Apr 7, 2019 at 9:45 PM UTC