lynn-preston
American
I have had a much luckier life than many people in this world. But high school was rough for me, and I thought I wanted my life to end. Here I stand now, stronger than ever. Now, I just need to realize what I want my life to become, and who I want to share this life with. Oh, and finish college before I'm 21 and that fun stuff c:
My memories of you
of us
of our life
Is like a cancer
My memories are me
parts of me
That grow
destroy
consume
the rest of me.
These memories
these tumors
start in the middle of my own memories
my own happiness
my own strength
and one small connection
synapse
sends the memories
the cells
rushing forward.
And when I think I might be able to stop them
fight them
forget them
it is too late, and my body has already been taken.
And thus, my memories, which are made of me,
destroy the rest of me, which is also made of me.
May 23, 2015
May 23, 2015 at 6:47 AM UTC
I'm talking to you in there.
You know how special you are.
The way he looks at you,
and you know you've been looked at that way times before this one.
He looks at you, with utter compassion.
Holding back all he wants
Because you have yet to experience the pang of loneliness that is required in order to truly understand what it means to cherish another human being.
You may start a sad story about your life,
But do you realize that the saddest part
Is that you don't see yourself the way you should?
Most heroines are overlooked by their would-be suitor
and all see the tragedy in it.
That she is not valued by them the way she deserves.
She is not looked at and sought after the way she deserves.
But who is the other person in your life, Amy?
Who is the one person that will not appreciate how incredibly coveted you are?
You.
You and only you.
Those who care not for you have no interest in bathing in your excellence.
These people are not to be minded.
But there are many who are changed for the better just by knowing you.
Why are large animals so majestic?
Because they have the undeniable ability to ravage all in their path,
but choose to do so only when it is key to survival.
You could easily spread a wave of grief across all around you by taking a detour off of this bridge.
But it is your decision to instead change lives that shapes you as a beautiful person.
Death is much easier than life.
But being selfish enough to cause pain for so many people would forever damage the soul.
Even in the next life,
they would be cursed to only being able to cause pain.
This might be the turning point in your reincarnations.
You have the option of selfishly leaving and destroying all hope for future lives.
You have the option of taking all your pain and promising to aid all others in pain so as to be healed yourself and lead to generations of joy forever.
So when you look back at this, and ask what the best option is, remember the title of this poem.
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 7:10 AM UTC
Let it Go, Let it Go
You know that it happened so long ago
Let it Go, Let it Go
You'll only learn to love when you learn to grow
'Cause here I stand, And there you'll stay
Let this storm pass on
This breakup shouldn't bother you anyways.
It has been so long since I decided it was best to go our separate ways.
If you want to continue to suffer, fine.
If you want me to suffer, okay, I guess that's understandable.
But her? Why must she suffer?
You are toying with lives as though you have no responsibility for your actions.
We all must hurt and be hurt as some points in our lives.
But it is never excused.
There may be reasons, but you are attempting to excuse your actions.
Let go of your anger for me and hatred of yourself,
And maybe you will be happy again.
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 5:12 PM UTC
Fire
It isn't just destruction,
It is warmth
It is the sun
It is life
Fire
It gives me drive
It gives me passion
It gives me feelings
Fire
It creates the spark
It creates excitement
It creates jealousy
Fire
It holds me to you
It holds me to people
It holds me to life
Fire
It dies
It turns my face
It ignites for him
Fire
It draws me to him
It forces my hand
Forces my lips
The fire in my heart that burns for you is dying. It has been doused several times, but refuses to die just yet.
The fire that burns for him grew too quickly and is now a poison
Ripping me apart
Eating away at my body from the inside, out
It's ruining my relationship with you, with Rose, and with myself
This fire is burning my heart alive.
I can feel it roasting
At least, I think that is the ache I feel in my thoracic cavity
I am miserable.
But I have no idea how to change that.
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 11:32 AM UTC
I have found myself in this dark place once again
Everything has worked itself out
Or at least, as well as it could.
Life is good. I enjoy my school, my friends, and my beautiful partner
He and I take on the world together, one day at a time.
And sometimes, talks of the future come up, but that is to be expected.
Everything could be great.
Everything is great.
But then, you get drunk, and say things that make me lose my confidence.
And that lack of self confidence has made you lose interest.
You always accept the intimacy,
You sometimes accept me.
But you care enough to take care of me after we break up.
You say you will make sure I am not alone, And I believe you.
But then why do you have contempt in your eyes?
Why is there boredom and annoyance on your face?
You seem to detest me, and I can't help but take every passive aggressive comment as you saying,
**** you ***** go away."
I am reading too much into this. This, I know.
But I am not delusional.
I see the way you meet my gaze and then dart away immediately. Afraid that if you look too long, you'll love me again?
I want to be wrong
Please, just prove me wrong.
Say you don't mean any of it and that I am still important to you and always will be.
I can't stand to think that my misinterpretation of you looking at me looking at you looking angry at me for being upset towards you for misinterpreting your words towards me has ruined everything I fought for.
Mar 11, 2014
Mar 11, 2014 at 1:36 AM UTC
I need to figure out this whole "alone" thing.
Because every moment away from you,
feels like an eternity.
I am sick with a cold, and cannot take care of myself.
And as tired as I have been all day,
This twin sized bed is too big without you.
This relationship will last.
If even just to prove wrong all those people telling me
that none of my relationships are a serious thing.
I want nothing more than to share you with everyone in my life.
I have moved on from my own past. Why must the people around me dwell on it?
In one group, you are the celebrity.
Everyone looks to you as the nice guy, the funny guy, and the awesome guy.
To me, you're my hero.
You make me the person I've always wanted to be.
Together, we are invincible.
Around my group, you are the 'other guy.'
I'm supposed to be with Preston still, and I just can't be.
He changed as soon as I dumped him.
Apparently I wasn't important enough for those changes to happen earlier.
Or he finally has discovered the log in his own eye.
For all the splinters he accused I had in mine, maybe now he won't be blinded by his own ignorance.
Yet, you are punished for all of this.
For everything that happened between Preston and I.
I am happy being with you, and you are hardly allowed to set foot in my room here,
let alone stay the night.
It infuriates me how my own roommates would rather me be alone than happy,
because I proved them right.
Both of them told me I was too good for Preston.
They were secretly the votes that helped me decide to move on.
But it wasn't their way.
So why must you be punished?
Please come back home soon.
I need you beside me, whispering in my ear that everything will be okay.
I need you telling me that we are invincible together.
Logan, I need you.
Jan 21, 2014
Jan 21, 2014 at 4:23 AM UTC
I really need to be doing things right now.
I have an application and two scholarships that NEED to get done.
But I simply CANNOT think straight.
My last poem, written 24 hours prior to this one, is driving me insane.
During the day, I know that all these poems are nothing more than my own mind rambling about nonsense.
"I realize that I was being dramatic, and all of those feelings are now dead."
I find myself editing my poems, because I can't let people believe that I actually believed my words at some point in time.
But as the dark of night sets in, I am alone.
I don't have others' thoughts to cloud my judgments.
All my thoughts creep back to my naive curiosity.
Naive, but not dangerous.
In regards to "Can I Glue my Eyes Forward?",
I just want to KNOW him.
Talk, laugh, play, hang out.
Am I romantically interested but masking it with curiosity?
Or I am just so interested in people in general that when I take extra interest in someone, I misinterpret my own feelings as a crush and do my own version of "damage control"?
Either way, this roller coaster is driving me crazy.
I can't stand this battle between putting validity to my feelings and discounting them all together.
I can't even send a message saying "hello" without feeling like I'm doing something wrong...
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 4:13 AM UTC
First things first:
I have not lost interest.
I am not bored.
I am enticed, ready to live my life my life with one.
With THIS one. Forever.
I could marry him tomorrow and be the happiest person alive.
SERIOUSLY.
So, why am I so interested in knowing the person right next to him?
Why am I using my time to research this other person's life?
Neither is more attractive than the other.
Truly.
Both faces, both bodies, both appearances are identically entrancing to me.
I know who mine is; we have talked, laughed, shared ourselves with each other,
and I love him.
Stop telling me I don't understand this word.
Love means you would do anything, even die for another, and risk everything you have.
And I would. I always will.
But I love meeting new people.
I always have, and always will.
I know you, but I don't know him.
I'm hungry to learn more about this person.
Is that what this obsession is? Nothing more than pure curiosity?
If so, why am I not content combing through the photos you two share?
Why does sending him a short message saying "it was great to meet you!" put my stomach in knots and make me sweat?
Why do I see you and, if only for the tiniest millisecond, wish it was him?
No way do I prefer him to you.
No way will I EVER choose him over you.
No way will I actually fall for your own twin...
But I NEVER intend for you to see this anyways.
I have no convincing to you to do.
You haven't accused me of anything.
I guess the only one who has accused me of this
is me.
But why try to argue with myself? I know I love YOU. That's what counts.
So I'm not lying to anyone. I'm not even lying to myself.
I just might not be telling the whole truth.
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 3:14 AM UTC
As I lie awake at this lonely hour
I discover just how much you are to me.
I can't sleep knowing that you are out there,
Trying to reach goals that can never be reached.
You work towards the impossible:
Perfection.
I long for your warm body beside mine
And your gentle yet firm embrace that keeps me warm.
You need sleep more than I, yet I am wrapped in my blankets
while you continue to work.
You don't realize that not only do I want you now,
But I need you later.
I need to know that you will live to see a lifetime after this.
That you will not waste yourself now,
and decay from the lack of daily rejuvenation your body is craving.
You need to realize that I worry for you for us.
I need my Preston more than I need anything else in the world.
With every moment you lose sleep, I feel like I lose part of you.
Please don't detach from me.
You know I love you,
more than anything else in existence.
I die without you.
Sep 10, 2013
Sep 10, 2013 at 4:51 AM UTC
The friend zone has two sides:
On one, the poor soul is trapped
Hopelessly longing for one who turns a blind cheek.
You sympathize with them,
because they suffer for having emotions.
They cannot be asked to stifle their passion.
Yet here in this pit, all emotions are paralyzed,
Who could be so vile as to banish someone to this place?
The other side is much different.
Not many strong emotions.
But there certainly isn't happiness, or even peace.
The overwhelming feelings are pity, solemn, and overwhelming power.
This vile person has so much power over the poor soul.
But did they ask for that power?
Did they even want that power?
No, they want to be equal, not above.
Fully aware of the pain they have caused, they are sorry.
To all of you. Not just the people they have personally caused pain,
But to all of you who have fallen for someone like them and was burned,
It is unintended, and is painful for them too.
They feel evil and wrong, but have their own obsession.
They love their partner as much as you think you love them.
And they want nothing more than for all of you to find the person who is really meant for you.
Like I have.
You won't be happy with me.
Because I won't be happy with you.
But someone will.
And while you're wasting your time over me,
the person meant for you is waiting for you, longing for the hole in their own heart to be filled.
Don't continue to suffer, and don't keep them waiting.
I feel responsible for your scars. But only they can heal them for you.
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 8:48 PM UTC