lydia-samantha - Hello Poetry

Hermione taught me, Never dumb down. Prim whispered, It's Okay to fall down. Ginny smiled, Don't stop loving, He'll come around. Katniss screamed, Seize the fire. The doctor whispered, Rose Tyler- Haymitch scorned, The people need to be raised! Snape replied, Always. Okay, so we conflict. Our thoughts fight. But whichever fandom we follow, As a fangirl, we unite.

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lydia-samantha

Dec 16, 2014

Dec 16, 2014 at 4:30 AM UTC

anoushka-jain

Fandoms

Hermione taught me, Never dumb down. Prim whispered, It's Okay to fall down. Ginny smiled, Don't stop loving, He'll come around. Katniss screamed, Seize the fire. The doctor whispered, Rose Tyler- Haymitch scorned, The people need to be raised! Snape replied, Always. Okay, so we conflict. Our thoughts fight. But whichever fandom we follow, As a fangirl, we unite.

18

Hope is a terrible, awful thing to have someone give you. Hope has this magnificent power to take you so high without any concrete foundation. To make you see so far With so little light. You took my vulnerability. The feelings I had for you. Everyone else ran away. But you stayed. You didn't just stay. You lit the tiniest flame of hope that you might return those feelings. And in a room As dark As desperate As mine. It lit up every corner. And I found that as scary as that room looked All lit up I kind of Liked Being able to see everything. But the flame wasn't attached to a candle Or a lantern Or anything like that. It was a tiny Little match Held in between My fingers. I asked you if we could light a candle So I could drop the match. It wasn't a great candle. Simply wax. But it had a wick that would have prevented me from burning My fingers. I figured after I lit the candle we could find something better Brighter Nicer To light later. To help us find a better way of carrying that flame. You took a look at the candle and said the candle had a lot of things you wanted a candle to have. But. You weren't planning on lighting any candles. Suddenly that bright little flame That had lit up the entire room Looked a lot smaller It wasn't really all that bright. As the flame got Closer and Closer To my fingers It got Smaller and Smaller and Smaller and I should have dropped it. But I let it burn my fingers And the saddest part is I was legitimately Content In my dark little room. I didn't need you to come in with a flame You weren't willing to let burn On its own. Light has a nasty Little habit Of lighting up a dark room and leaving the room a **** ton darker In its absence. I'd rather my room had stayed Exactly The Way It Was Than to get a look at all the corners And end With burned fingers In A Vastly Darker Room.

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Sep 7, 2014

Sep 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM UTC

lydia-samantha

Flicker

Hope is a terrible, awful thing to have someone give you. Hope has this magnificent power to take you so high without any concrete foundation. To make you see so far With so little light. You took my vulnerability. The feelings I had for you. Everyone else ran away. But you stayed. You didn't just stay. You lit the tiniest flame of hope that you might return those feelings. And in a room As dark As desperate As mine. It lit up every corner. And I found that as scary as that room looked All lit up I kind of Liked Being able to see everything. But the flame wasn't attached to a candle Or a lantern Or anything like that. It was a tiny Little match Held in between My fingers. I asked you if we could light a candle So I could drop the match. It wasn't a great candle. Simply wax. But it had a wick that would have prevented me from burning My fingers. I figured after I lit the candle we could find something better Brighter Nicer To light later. To help us find a better way of carrying that flame. You took a look at the candle and said the candle had a lot of things you wanted a candle to have. But. You weren't planning on lighting any candles. Suddenly that bright little flame That had lit up the entire room Looked a lot smaller It wasn't really all that bright. As the flame got Closer and Closer To my fingers It got Smaller and Smaller and Smaller and I should have dropped it. But I let it burn my fingers And the saddest part is I was legitimately Content In my dark little room. I didn't need you to come in with a flame You weren't willing to let burn On its own. Light has a nasty Little habit Of lighting up a dark room and leaving the room a **** ton darker In its absence. I'd rather my room had stayed Exactly The Way It Was Than to get a look at all the corners And end With burned fingers In A Vastly Darker Room.

82

What makes a life worth living? I've asked myself since that day unnamed squashed into a box in the back of my head What give you a right to be here the voices all echo as the videos play repeat bright scenes flashing scarring playing on the back of my eyelids scenes of a three year old thrown beaten stomped rejected abused a four year old neglected beaten ignored a five year old change of identity facing issues some go their whole lives without seeing five years old new mom dad family name hope a six year old loved encouraged touched you heard me touched and not the kind of touch that is acceptable okay allowed do no tell he said or you will get it I never knew what he meant by get it until I told and he made me do more see more feel more Does this make you uncomfortable? These words flowing from my pen to my mouth These are the scenes Reverberating in my skull and the skulls of others like me These Are The Demons I Live With 6 years 7 years 8 years Ages one would look back on and remember the good times I look at the pictures see all the smiles I see behind them they mean nothing to me 9 years old I have spoken My brother is gone and I feel more alone rejected destroyed from the inside out And for the next few years I knew of no person power or anything Nothing that could make me feel understand accept worthiness love hope dreams These are all foreign concepts. Have you lived without these? Without hope love dreams Neither have I. For I caught a glimpse I chose to die instead of living that shell. And as those pills screamed yelled taunted insulted My Very Existence As I struggled to swallow He reached into my heart and He said to me **Child? You spit that out And you tell me Why? Why is your faith so fake?** And I did. And with those pills I spit fire Into the face of God As I lamented my very Existence And He sat there As the words piled into Mountains As tall and vast As oceans are deep And he sat there Silent As I rained Tears And opened wounds And as my breath Heaved As these mountains Stood between us I turned from him And let him look at what I lived with *A mustard seed of faith Will move mountains they say But what if faith created those mountains I ask?* Faith in a mother Who stomped on me Faith in father Who rejected me Faith in a family Who neglected me Faith in a brother Who touched me Child He said as I cringed I do not like this word and the memories it holds Child He repeats The word floating from his lips. What will you do to make me believe? I ask as He begins to shake his head Sadly he states Child, I cannot MAKE you believe He is everything and nothing in this moment He is sad He is powerful He is perfect He is loving He is gentle He is caring He is untainted He is loving He is important And he is here with me imperfect broken rejected And the words are at the tip of my tongue And everything in me want to stop them But I ignore the warnings *Rain down and destroy Rain down and destroy Rain down and destroy ME* I whisper quietly the grave severity of my words hangs heavy in the air as he nods and with an unmatched force the mountains erupt into volcanoes and I am set free from what lies between us With each loving word affirming embrace the mountains are crumbling the power of words diminished And I come alive in the light of HIS grace As a part of me dies so He may Give Me Life Sometimes to stay alive You've got to **** All semblance Of your reality And look only to His I died when I was 14 And I've died every day since then As I wake up each morning and **** the part of me that deems me unworthy unnecessary The part that tells me I am not good enough Pretty enough Talented enough To be loved Because I know He loves ME And I am free From the hurt From the pain From the guilt From the burden For so long My questions are answered My everything is His and regardless of hurt heartbreak rejection loss of the past present future I have found the one my soul love. He is my beloved I am His. I belong to Him He has given me this 3rd identity rooted in Him and His love and this smile on my face will NOT be erased And this love in my heart will not be diminished Even though I freely give I have come alive in His Light And if you think I Am Too Bright Cover your eyes Because I will not be extinguished Rather I will set the world ablaze with the fire I spit in His face That he made new and poured back into me. I have been broken. I have been beaten. I have been rejected I have been abandoned But I Am Light I am hope I am love I am full of dreams The way He intended me to be What makes a life worth living? The question remains in the back of heads Across nations Across worlds Across histories And the answer lies in an identity given to me by The King of Kings The King of Glory The God of Creation The God of the Israelites The Father of the Most High The Alpha The Omega Beginning End I call him father I call him friend I call him savior And his name is Jesus Christ

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Feb 12, 2014

Feb 12, 2014 at 1:20 AM UTC

lydia-samantha

Third Identity

What makes a life worth living? I've asked myself since that day unnamed squashed into a box in the back of my head What give you a right to be here the voices all echo as the videos play repeat bright scenes flashing scarring playing on the back of my eyelids scenes of a three year old thrown beaten stomped rejected abused a four year old neglected beaten ignored a five year old change of identity facing issues some go their whole lives without seeing five years old new mom dad family name hope a six year old loved encouraged touched you heard me touched and not the kind of touch that is acceptable okay allowed do no tell he said or you will get it I never knew what he meant by get it until I told and he made me do more see more feel more Does this make you uncomfortable? These words flowing from my pen to my mouth These are the scenes Reverberating in my skull and the skulls of others like me These Are The Demons I Live With 6 years 7 years 8 years Ages one would look back on and remember the good times I look at the pictures see all the smiles I see behind them they mean nothing to me 9 years old I have spoken My brother is gone and I feel more alone rejected destroyed from the inside out And for the next few years I knew of no person power or anything Nothing that could make me feel understand accept worthiness love hope dreams These are all foreign concepts. Have you lived without these? Without hope love dreams Neither have I. For I caught a glimpse I chose to die instead of living that shell. And as those pills screamed yelled taunted insulted My Very Existence As I struggled to swallow He reached into my heart and He said to me **Child? You spit that out And you tell me Why? Why is your faith so fake?** And I did. And with those pills I spit fire Into the face of God As I lamented my very Existence And He sat there As the words piled into Mountains As tall and vast As oceans are deep And he sat there Silent As I rained Tears And opened wounds And as my breath Heaved As these mountains Stood between us I turned from him And let him look at what I lived with *A mustard seed of faith Will move mountains they say But what if faith created those mountains I ask?* Faith in a mother Who stomped on me Faith in father Who rejected me Faith in a family Who neglected me Faith in a brother Who touched me Child He said as I cringed I do not like this word and the memories it holds Child He repeats The word floating from his lips. What will you do to make me believe? I ask as He begins to shake his head Sadly he states Child, I cannot MAKE you believe He is everything and nothing in this moment He is sad He is powerful He is perfect He is loving He is gentle He is caring He is untainted He is loving He is important And he is here with me imperfect broken rejected And the words are at the tip of my tongue And everything in me want to stop them But I ignore the warnings *Rain down and destroy Rain down and destroy Rain down and destroy ME* I whisper quietly the grave severity of my words hangs heavy in the air as he nods and with an unmatched force the mountains erupt into volcanoes and I am set free from what lies between us With each loving word affirming embrace the mountains are crumbling the power of words diminished And I come alive in the light of HIS grace As a part of me dies so He may Give Me Life Sometimes to stay alive You've got to **** All semblance Of your reality And look only to His I died when I was 14 And I've died every day since then As I wake up each morning and **** the part of me that deems me unworthy unnecessary The part that tells me I am not good enough Pretty enough Talented enough To be loved Because I know He loves ME And I am free From the hurt From the pain From the guilt From the burden For so long My questions are answered My everything is His and regardless of hurt heartbreak rejection loss of the past present future I have found the one my soul love. He is my beloved I am His. I belong to Him He has given me this 3rd identity rooted in Him and His love and this smile on my face will NOT be erased And this love in my heart will not be diminished Even though I freely give I have come alive in His Light And if you think I Am Too Bright Cover your eyes Because I will not be extinguished Rather I will set the world ablaze with the fire I spit in His face That he made new and poured back into me. I have been broken. I have been beaten. I have been rejected I have been abandoned But I Am Light I am hope I am love I am full of dreams The way He intended me to be What makes a life worth living? The question remains in the back of heads Across nations Across worlds Across histories And the answer lies in an identity given to me by The King of Kings The King of Glory The God of Creation The God of the Israelites The Father of the Most High The Alpha The Omega Beginning End I call him father I call him friend I call him savior And his name is Jesus Christ

321

Thoughts The destructive kind Invade Attack Destroy All semblance of sanity inside my head Excuses Seem ludicrous Unacceptable Thoughts tell me It’s all my fault I’m too much Too handle Too emotional That I’m not worth it Agonizing Because I know it’s not true 2 weeks is nothing 2 days is so long Black blank screen Annoying I just want it to ******* vibrate already I want my phone to light up with his name Saying anything A response A dismissal Anything I just want to know. I want to know whether I should Keep hoping Texting Worrying Thinking Or stop Caring Investing Start getting over him. Because I hate this waiting period Where I’m torn between logical reasons And extravagant excuses I want to know if I should blame myself Or him Or anyone for that matter 2 weeks is nothing 2 days is so long.

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Jan 27, 2014

Jan 27, 2014 at 4:41 PM UTC

lydia-samantha

2 Weeks, 2 Days

Thoughts The destructive kind Invade Attack Destroy All semblance of sanity inside my head Excuses Seem ludicrous Unacceptable Thoughts tell me It’s all my fault I’m too much Too handle Too emotional That I’m not worth it Agonizing Because I know it’s not true 2 weeks is nothing 2 days is so long Black blank screen Annoying I just want it to ******* vibrate already I want my phone to light up with his name Saying anything A response A dismissal Anything I just want to know. I want to know whether I should Keep hoping Texting Worrying Thinking Or stop Caring Investing Start getting over him. Because I hate this waiting period Where I’m torn between logical reasons And extravagant excuses I want to know if I should blame myself Or him Or anyone for that matter 2 weeks is nothing 2 days is so long.

45

Awkward silences Fill the empty void Inside Where I kept you And all the things Created Thoughts, Images Dreams Released Into open air For everyone to See Tainted images This is the here and now This is the future This is what you Knew but never Wanted it to be This is silence This is internal Processing This is the loss Of dreams dreamt For days This is everything Gone Opened To the air And now I sit In this silence Knowing what I have to say Is not enough And far too much This is the curse Of the dreams born out of A fruitless existence In my head and All I can do is Let the tears stream down My face as The silence Swallows us whole Like death swallows the Happiness That once was had My dreams lie shattered After I beat Them with a hammer and Exposed them For you to see And now you process To fix I process To destroy As tears stream And awkwardness abounds And we move into Territory that is Unwanted Unfamiliar And I'm so much Less happy Then I was Before because I can't convey All these things Cramping my fingers Flooding my brain Becoming unreadable scribbles On advent devotions You have left And I'm still here The air is heavy My tears are hot As I Fear for the known Hope for the unknown

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Dec 14, 2013

Dec 14, 2013 at 3:02 AM UTC

lydia-samantha

Confessions of a Best Friend

Awkward silences Fill the empty void Inside Where I kept you And all the things Created Thoughts, Images Dreams Released Into open air For everyone to See Tainted images This is the here and now This is the future This is what you Knew but never Wanted it to be This is silence This is internal Processing This is the loss Of dreams dreamt For days This is everything Gone Opened To the air And now I sit In this silence Knowing what I have to say Is not enough And far too much This is the curse Of the dreams born out of A fruitless existence In my head and All I can do is Let the tears stream down My face as The silence Swallows us whole Like death swallows the Happiness That once was had My dreams lie shattered After I beat Them with a hammer and Exposed them For you to see And now you process To fix I process To destroy As tears stream And awkwardness abounds And we move into Territory that is Unwanted Unfamiliar And I'm so much Less happy Then I was Before because I can't convey All these things Cramping my fingers Flooding my brain Becoming unreadable scribbles On advent devotions You have left And I'm still here The air is heavy My tears are hot As I Fear for the known Hope for the unknown

79

Thinkthinkthink The bad thinks and the good thinks Mistake thinks Miracle thinks Thinkthinkthink Until I overthink Of all the thinks I can think And all the thinks I have not Thinkthinkthink Until the thinks in my brain turn sour And the thinks in my brain turn vindictive Until I want to **** the thinks I’ve been thinking so long monotony

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Oct 7, 2013

Oct 7, 2013 at 6:30 PM UTC

lydia-samantha

monotony

Thinkthinkthink The bad thinks and the good thinks Mistake thinks Miracle thinks Thinkthinkthink Until I overthink Of all the thinks I can think And all the thinks I have not Thinkthinkthink Until the thinks in my brain turn sour And the thinks in my brain turn vindictive Until I want to **** the thinks I’ve been thinking so long monotony

13

I still catch my breath everytime I feel that hot searing burst on my skin causing it to pucker blister redden it appears melted stretched taunt forced to do something it never wanted to do and because it succumbed I'm left with the this ever present sharp localized tiny focal point of pain. And it reminds me of you.

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Jul 6, 2013

Jul 6, 2013 at 11:44 PM UTC

lydia-samantha

Ironing

I still catch my breath everytime I feel that hot searing burst on my skin causing it to pucker blister redden it appears melted stretched taunt forced to do something it never wanted to do and because it succumbed I'm left with the this ever present sharp localized tiny focal point of pain. And it reminds me of you.

23

You did what I did. You took a break. You came back. You came back the same, but different. You had to come back different, but at the same time you had to pay homage to your roots. You can never forget where you started. And as I sat there listening to Save Rock and Roll I thought back to where I was almost exactly 8 years ago (7 years, 11 months) I am changed. I am not the same lost little girl that I was when I first heard your music. I have changed. I have discovered who I am, but I have not forgotten where I come from. Save Rock and Roll. That song. It’s a reminder of the beginning and everything that had to happen to get right here. Right now. http://theresalightout.tumblr.com/post/48184748708/an-open-letter-to-fall-out-boy

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Apr 17, 2013

Apr 17, 2013 at 2:40 AM UTC

lydia-samantha

An Open Letter to Fall Out Boy.

You did what I did. You took a break. You came back. You came back the same, but different. You had to come back different, but at the same time you had to pay homage to your roots. You can never forget where you started. And as I sat there listening to Save Rock and Roll I thought back to where I was almost exactly 8 years ago (7 years, 11 months) I am changed. I am not the same lost little girl that I was when I first heard your music. I have changed. I have discovered who I am, but I have not forgotten where I come from. Save Rock and Roll. That song. It’s a reminder of the beginning and everything that had to happen to get right here. Right now. http://theresalightout.tumblr.com/post/48184748708/an-open-letter-to-fall-out-boy

2

God and it hit me like a ton of bricks Right in my face As soon as I saw the missed call He's gone The call back lasted 30 seconds. They're pulling out now I managed to get a strangled "it's okay, i understand, okay" I could feel the wave coming Within minutes of the end of the call Uncontrollable sobs wrack my body coming in waves upon wave i shake and I cry i an't breathe i can't see just gasps upon gasps of hot wet tears and all i can think of is never again I will never see him again Sure we can talk visits Sure we an talk over facebook but even that will eventually fade And I can't help but wonder why the **** am I taking this so hard? After everything he put me through after everything he's done why the **** am I curled up Shaking sweating hot tears flooding out of my eyes Gasping for breath I've gone through this a million times with other people I've gone over this moment in my head And I always knew it would be forever But the thought of Never Takes my breath away

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Apr 25, 2012

Apr 25, 2012 at 7:27 PM UTC

lydia-samantha

Never Again

God and it hit me like a ton of bricks Right in my face As soon as I saw the missed call He's gone The call back lasted 30 seconds. They're pulling out now I managed to get a strangled "it's okay, i understand, okay" I could feel the wave coming Within minutes of the end of the call Uncontrollable sobs wrack my body coming in waves upon wave i shake and I cry i an't breathe i can't see just gasps upon gasps of hot wet tears and all i can think of is never again I will never see him again Sure we can talk visits Sure we an talk over facebook but even that will eventually fade And I can't help but wonder why the **** am I taking this so hard? After everything he put me through after everything he's done why the **** am I curled up Shaking sweating hot tears flooding out of my eyes Gasping for breath I've gone through this a million times with other people I've gone over this moment in my head And I always knew it would be forever But the thought of Never Takes my breath away

37

Just grab my hand my dear Ignore all those warning signs From those who don't know me Like you do. Just grab my hand my dear I promise I'll always be here. Ignore the pleas And the concerns Running through your mind I promise I'm trustworthy I promise I care. Just grab my hand my dear Never let it go Never listen to them Mistakes have clouded their judgement They don't know me like you do. Keep your eyes on me love Hold onto my gaze Ignore the judging glance Of those you call your friends Keep your eyes on me love I'm the only who cares Enough to let you live your life Keep your eyes on me love We can take over the world Wrap your arms around me babe Never let me go Ignore the pull of those who claim to care Wrap your arms around me babe We'll take over the night And conquer those who stand against us Wrap your arms around me babe I promise I'll never let you go You can always call me home There is a world out there That wants to rip us apart There are people out there Who don't trust me But they don't know me like you do Tonight is the night You won't be coming back to the place You used to call home. Forget about them that hold you back Come with me. You're the only one who knows me here.

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Apr 22, 2012

Apr 22, 2012 at 1:15 PM UTC

lydia-samantha

Lies

Just grab my hand my dear Ignore all those warning signs From those who don't know me Like you do. Just grab my hand my dear I promise I'll always be here. Ignore the pleas And the concerns Running through your mind I promise I'm trustworthy I promise I care. Just grab my hand my dear Never let it go Never listen to them Mistakes have clouded their judgement They don't know me like you do. Keep your eyes on me love Hold onto my gaze Ignore the judging glance Of those you call your friends Keep your eyes on me love I'm the only who cares Enough to let you live your life Keep your eyes on me love We can take over the world Wrap your arms around me babe Never let me go Ignore the pull of those who claim to care Wrap your arms around me babe We'll take over the night And conquer those who stand against us Wrap your arms around me babe I promise I'll never let you go You can always call me home There is a world out there That wants to rip us apart There are people out there Who don't trust me But they don't know me like you do Tonight is the night You won't be coming back to the place You used to call home. Forget about them that hold you back Come with me. You're the only one who knows me here.

45