*We're all born without bones
But I believe you lacked more
Than a passerby on the street.
Maybe that was because "fragile"
was labeled on your wrist
And the one you called lover
Stole each and every one of your ribs
every time
you woke up
covered in lead.
But I don't miss hearing my name fall from your mouth,
I miss listening to your heart murmur it in my sheets.*
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 2:34 AM UTC
I am starting to think
that we were written lovers
and nothing more.
Jan 14, 2018
Jan 14, 2018 at 3:27 PM UTC
*It's been awhile since I've thought of you,
but I suppose that's because I don't allow myself to think of you anymore.
I don't remember the day I stopped breathing,
It's been so long.
Guilt was a stranger on my doorstep and he sunk his cold hands deep in the pit of my heart; An abyss he consumed from fall, an abyss that still hangs in his mouth.
Sorrow has him famished.
Your bones had bested me into the shambles of reason. I could not help that your ivory soul stood in my reckless wake, nor that my fingers craved more than the garden that was your skin. I should have known my tongue had diseased your mind with unkept promises.
"You sad soul," the bathroom mirror hissed whenever I swallowed those pills. The door is all but welcoming, and I stand praying for comfort within the grain.
A regular reservation I had on my rooftop with Guilt served most of my years. We basked under that sea of stars. I watched one night as he coaxed a few into a glass jar.
It cowers on my desk still.*
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 2:03 AM UTC
Confession.
I miss you.
The first thing I professed
was not the warm feeling I had whenever I saw her
Nor was it that it was I who had sent her flowers
And signed it
"your admirer”
The first thing I admitted
Was my fear
That everything I touched
broke
I remember what you did,
Just like it was yesterday.
Your eyes brimmed with tears,
And you smiled a sad smile.
I smiled back.
-
The first time we were together
It was at your house
You showed me your dearly loved piano
And played me my favorite song
“Clair de Lune”
Wringing the keys dry of passion
I remember thinking
If I poured my soul out like you had
Maybe,
Just maybe,
you’d fall for me.
You showed me
The spines of books you read countlessly
Finger fluttering over every title,
Tracing each word
Like I would your stomach
Each night you spent in my bed
You told me that I
“was like the ocean.”
I didn’t know what that meant at the time.
-
Moon
Moon moon moon moon
The word I engraved in your ribs
every time I touched you.
Moon
My moon.
My lovely moon with sky blue eyes,
That never stopped moving.
I wish you could stare at me like I had you
Maybe you could have seen
That every moment I spent
My gaze was on yours.
But perhaps it was better that way.
-
I was bitter.
You told me not to be.
and so I wasn’t
-
Christmas Eve I came over for dinner
And I bought your mother chocolates
In hopes she would learn to savor you
Like the box she held in her hand.
***I never told you how jealous I was
That you had your mother
Despite her flaws***
That night I saw you cry for the first time.
When I held you in my arms
You shook because of your father.
You asked me why god would do this to you.
I had no answer
Other than
“I don’t know.”
I should’ve told you
How I had wished I was in your place
That I would take the pain for you.
But I didn’t.
I know you never would have wanted it that way.
-
When your birthday came
I gave you a jadestone bracelet I had crafted myself
I did not tell you the time I took,
Or what it had cost.
I had hoped you would treasure it
Like I to you.
-
A month ago I saw my loving jade
On your best friend’s wrist.
I did not tell you how much that had hurt.
-
You gravitated towards him
And grew closer with others
I drifted
Oh like the sea
-
That March I went to California to see my ma.
I don’t recall if I told you
That every night
I watched that sun sink into the coast.
And it reminded me
The way your hand held mine.
When I came back you spoke of nothing but sadness
I tried endlessly
To tie a knot in that poison-filled vein.
But the sickness spread.
I wish I could’ve been your cure.
You were sand slipping between my fingers
And I did not know how to tell you
That my waves had lost purpose
If there was no shore.
Come Back
-
*“Captain O’ Captain,
The eye of the sea
Was the bottom of her heart.”*
-
Summer had come
We had spent one tired night watching fields of fireflies
At 1:49 am
I couldn’t find words
To tell you my heart had danced
Like every one of those little lights
When someone even breathed your name.
I wish I had
Summer had gone
-
When fall had struck
You left me.
-
My thoughts clammered in disbelief
You told me it was because it was you and not me.
Just some sort of cliché I suppose.
-
Months later when I asked
You said it was because you thought I had feelings for another.
How foolish I was for letting you believe that
For even a second.
*I should have told you
Your soul had sunk a hole in my chest
that beated to the sound of your voice.*
My heart sang a sick melody
-
Two years have past
Last week you told me you left
Because you didn’t feel loved.
*You never saw the way my eyes traced up and down your body
but always pulled back to your face*
I remember what you did,
Just like it was yesterday.
-
When I confessed
You kissed every one of my fingertips,
And said that you did
so that everything I touched
would feel loved.
Oh, how I wish those words were true.
Mar 1, 2017
Mar 1, 2017 at 4:53 PM UTC
Now I just think about who else is kissing her.
I can't breathe because he only kisses her once.
He doesn't care if it's perfect.
Feb 24, 2017
Feb 24, 2017 at 1:11 PM UTC
Earlier today, my script was brought to life and shot on set. Of course I was nervous, but everything went well even though we were pressed for time near the end of the shoot. My actors and actresses were fantastic, and I could not have asked for a better cast. I don’t think I could thank them enough for their efforts and they achieved much more than what I had hoped.
Even though the stress of shooting my film was gone by mid-evening, something someone had said to me earlier would not rid my mind. I became restless and felt confided in my dorm; I needed a distraction. Even though I could hear laughter just a few doors down as my hall had gathered for some “bonding event”, I opted to just be alone.
I went outside, despite a slight drizzle that had snuck into the sunny day. I walked around campus and settled myself on the very right-end of an empty parking lot, just listening to music. The sun had begun to dip down into an orange haze, setting the atmosphere blazing with yellows and greens. It was simply astounding to see the city respond to the fading sun. Cars went on their way home and the buildings lit up, incandescent lights shining much differently than the one burning in the sky.
I sat and I watched, feeling content yet empty in a way I could never put into words. There were so many things that took on a whole new form of life in the evening, how people spent their time as though it was through new meaning. Just to the left of me, I watched a couple slow dance to no music, just the light of the setting sun and the slow falling of rain. I can honestly say that it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and I was captivated as her teenage clothes still spun just as elegant as a dress. It was something you saw in movies, and the simplicity of it made it more cherish able.
The sun dipped down, disappearing beneath the clouds and the orange beams went with it. My mood suddenly shifted as the two was casted with more of a blue light, and I felt more as an intruder than an on-looker sharing in a blissful moment. I quickly looked away from them and back to the city.
As the evening strewn into night, the last few rays etched faces into the sky-scrapers, and I doubt I will ever see a man-made object illuminated in such natural beauty. I wanted to watch the clouds fade into the darkening sky, but I felt as though a bit of privacy for the couple held more importance.
While I stared at the ground, I couldn’t help but think that if I was as careless with my footsteps as I was with my steps in life, then I for sure wouldn’t end up worth while. I then looked up to view the path ahead of me, and saw a stunning rainbow had somehow drifted into the sky without my notice. I sat on a concrete wall near the library until it faded.
A fair amount of time had passed so I begun to walk back to the now-deserted parking lot. The sun was completely gone by now, and the only source of light felt fake and over-bearing.
Just off of the parking lot was an uncut and untidy field in which three people ran about, waving sparklers in the night air. It was gratifying to see people older than I acting with a carefree spirit. I observed the three lighting sparkler after sparkler, chasing each other with untroubled laughter. Once more I felt an aching in my chest, but it was a beautiful kind of pain. I felt as though I was intruding on someone’s privacy again, so I headed back to my dorm.
I couldn’t help but write about what occurred tonight, and I highly doubt I will ever experience anything like it again. I certainly won’t forget about it anytime soon.
Jul 11, 2016
Jul 11, 2016 at 11:44 PM UTC
*I once held stars in my lungs but I burnt them all out with cigarettes
as I tried to rid your name from my lips
I had the moon on the tip of my tongue when I whispered love in twilight affection
But that **** tided heart of yours shifted again and now all that hangs in my mouth are evasive words and the sickening taste of the seas' breeze.
That garden you grew in my stomach died when your sunlight no longer reached my skin
The butterflies you gave me shriveled with it.
The ***** I choke down doesn't rid me of those memories
Every night I spent with you was a threat to abandon my morals;
Go back on your word and cut the sky from my veins.
You kissed every cloud from my wrist to my sundered ankles.
You once traced constellations on my chest and with a single breath they shown brighter
They too burnt out when your words were no longer for me and I hurt even a little more
The ones etched in my swallowed pulse cried as they spiraled from our little piece of the galaxy
I watched them go lonely and lost when they traveled south into my pity-shaken excuse of a soul.
When I smiled and you'd look away.
It haunted me until I stopped sleeping
It was at that moment I had realized I fell for you like Icarus had the sun.
You burnt me and I melted until there was nothing left.
I was reckless with pride as you fed me slanted promises
I'll put good use to the knife you left in my spine
My throat burns more with every drink,
This liquor can't rinse my soul the way I'd like you to
But I'd rather remember you as my favorite sorrow than the love who left this fruitless heart.*
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 11:54 PM UTC
*“Session three;
Subject has loss of appetite.
Two days since Subject’s last meal.
Loss of weight; 16.234 kilograms
and counting.”*
It’s two till midnight.
“It’s three forty-three in the morning.”
That doesn’t matter to her.
“Why?”
She said it’s all wasted the same.
sinner
“Did she come again?”
In and out of silver.
“Explain.”
She got into my blood,
“How?”
With those cloudless eyes.
“Why?”
There weren’t enough.
“Of what?”
Rubies.
“Why do you need rubies?”
Count every time we’ve fallen.
“Why?”
She regrets it.
“Who regrets it?”
Tasting the wolf.
Hauntless
“Why aren’t you eating?”
I miss him.
“Who?”
It makes me sick.
“What?”
I’ve wasted.
“What did you waste?”
Please.
You found weakness.
“Do you know what’s happening?”
**Yes;
Atlas gave me his burden.**
“You cannot carry that.”
She lets me.
“Who?”
Lily-scathed and lapis shelled.
“What?”
She was so pretty.
“Who was?”
Lavender in the cosmos.
“Lavender?”
**Yes!
Basking in folding chambers.**
“I don’t understand.”
She was my west.
“What do you mean?”
I followed her into the sun.
Why didn’t he keep me?
“Who is ‘he’?”
My north star.
“The north star?”
That little bird with her owlet wings.
“What?”
Moons with comfort.
“Moons?”
No one wants to fall alone.
Spiteful
Don’t be afraid.
“I’m not.”
You are.
“I’m not.”
I like the way you smoke in here.
“I don’t smoke.”
Quiet your heart.
“What?”
You’re afraid.
“I’m not.”
**Don't lie anymore.
**
“I-
-
I am.”
Smile soft.
*“Assessment end;
Subject has gotten to me.”*
Feb 12, 2016
Feb 12, 2016 at 10:11 AM UTC