*We're all born without bones
But I believe you lacked more
Than a passerby on the street.
Maybe that was because "fragile"
was labeled on your wrist
And the one you called lover
Stole each and every one of your ribs
every time
you woke up
covered in lead.
But I don't miss hearing my name fall from your mouth,
I miss listening to your heart murmur it in my sheets.*
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 2:34 AM UTC
...
I've been homesick,
*It's been a long time since I've last given birth to gods in my poetry; so to the old truths and the new: 'hallelujah'
My tongue was a slave to lovely things---I'll admit it was easier that way, but now I've been writing it down again; turning spiders into stories and cancer into planets
who was I to begin with,
who was I.
I'll say it now. I will never escape the wolves. Those wolves with their chalk outlines and their lakota moons. They'll try to teach themselves how to walk back into your life again and don't you dare forget the ruin, oh don't you dare forget how the fire kissed you
she was moonlight sonata,
but he was clair de lune.
He fed me to the bullet feast when he saw fit and I left his ashes on the sidewalk; daybreak can have it for all I care now.*
"I don't know if I'm in love with you anymore"
*I remember my body as a garden of stars disguised as flowers; my roots merely empty spaces dismantled by the light. I remember the bullets in the soil he planted, and the wars that grew in it's place. I became a walking example of death; a soul in the process of decay.
Who was I,
who was I to begin with.*
Dear all that has haunted me all these years: *I am ready for you. I have always been ready for you.
Tell me where to sell my soul, and I will meet you there.*
---Swimming in the moonlight
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 2:19 AM UTC
I am starting to think
that we were written lovers
and nothing more.
Jan 14, 2018
Jan 14, 2018 at 3:27 PM UTC
*I am sorry darling
our paths part here
a bell's loud toll
encourages pace
it sets me free
It's been a long day
the suns set
finally
my eyes can rest
in light embraced
hold on to my fragments
without lament
for the night is generous
quieting the rain
I am sorry darling
we must part ways
remember eternally:
you are part of me
it's til I see you
that goodnight I bid
my heart stays whole
and with you remains*
Jan 3, 2018
Jan 3, 2018 at 7:57 PM UTC
I don't wear smiles
like clothes,
like you wear makeup
I don't choose in aisles,
in stores,
just for the occasion
You can try
and you'd fit right in my shoes
but I'd never fit in yours
I don't wear jewels
but I'd love
to wear your denial
mmm,
your scent for awhile...
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 10:58 AM UTC
If I admitted, that you still hostage my love
Now if I admitted, would I turn into the one that you want
No, this is something I doubt
If I released, all of my inner thoughts
Yeah, if I told you, it was you I picked out
No, I doubt, that that'd be enough
If you were to come home, with a smile on your face
Oh Kali, please come home, another day I can't take
..."No, I love you more from far away."
"I love you more -"
"Like I said, from far away."
Sep 8, 2017
Sep 8, 2017 at 1:17 PM UTC
*It's been awhile since I've thought of you,
but I suppose that's because I don't allow myself to think of you anymore.
I don't remember the day I stopped breathing,
It's been so long.
Guilt was a stranger on my doorstep and he sunk his cold hands deep in the pit of my heart; An abyss he consumed from fall, an abyss that still hangs in his mouth.
Sorrow has him famished.
Your bones had bested me into the shambles of reason. I could not help that your ivory soul stood in my reckless wake, nor that my fingers craved more than the garden that was your skin. I should have known my tongue had diseased your mind with unkept promises.
"You sad soul," the bathroom mirror hissed whenever I swallowed those pills. The door is all but welcoming, and I stand praying for comfort within the grain.
A regular reservation I had on my rooftop with Guilt served most of my years. We basked under that sea of stars. I watched one night as he coaxed a few into a glass jar.
It cowers on my desk still.*
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 2:03 AM UTC
─illustrations on the ceiling
i love the way
the sunlight ripples along his skin
with no complaints
"messiah" the shadow talks
"of course he is" i reply
and i resume to orchestrating my love
─little phobias
i wander aimlessly along his windows,
his eyes;
they are gates to afterlives unloved;
they are oceanic shrapnel
sky imprisoned infinities
a lapis point of view-
that i treasure
his heart is drenched
in my soul-
in a sweeter sickness-
in the liquid measure of my steps-
he mentions i'm contagious
i tell him he is my favorite way
to bleed
"september prodigy" the shadow babbles
"why?" i rasp
**"sun at long last
kisses away
all the ghosts
harvesting from
the heart of the moon"**
and i broke out into stars
─my serendipity
i love the raw
music of our conversations,
and how his voice
undresses me
and my monsters
so delicately
in fabrics of the dark
i love how his laugh
makes all the other planets
look dull;
how his smile
is the first step
to curing the blind
so the blind may know
what i know
"the symphony of seams"
i love how he is the shocking
philosophy
of turning suicide notes
into paper cranes
of picking fights with death
so i may remain
i love the phoenix tucked in his soul
how it defines-
the altitudes-
the limits-
our existence he describes to me
"reincarnation?" the shadow asks
"every morning he wonders" i answer
and the fever invests it's time in me
"what is he to you?" the shadow murmurs
"*besides broken flowers,
and ink blots shaped like rain
he is my favorite stairway to heaven.*"
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 12:33 AM UTC
I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.
But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.
They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.
No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.
People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.
Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 1:56 PM UTC