I wonder if people are scared like I am.
My teenage years were rough, even though I was a teenager only 6 months ago,
I miss those years because, I was so fearless.
I wasn't scared of anything but, being heartbroken.
I can't even go to sleep because, I'm so scared I won't wake up.
I'm in physical pain everyday, and the pain and constant anxiety is taking a toll on me.
When I first turned 13 I started cutting myself.
I've attempted suicide multiple times between 13 and 16.
Bottles of pills, self harming.
Now at 20 years old,
I'm so terrified to leave this earth.
Is there an after life?
Is there a heaven?
Is reincarnation real?
Do we see our loved ones who have passed away before us?
I have so many questions, but I am so scared to find out.
I wanna live the rest of my life happy and care free, because the constant worry and fear is taking over my life, and I don't want to let it.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 7:44 PM UTC
when a poet falls in love with you
you can never die
they will notice the way
you rub your palms and look down
when someone is angry at you
and the way you smirk
as you pull away from a kiss
they will notice how you can't sleep
without your body touching someone else's
how you never crease any pages of books
and how you close your eyes when you dance in your kitchen
with your record player on
they will find all of the words
that they see you as
and turn them into something beautiful
people say you die twice
once when you stop breathing
and when someone says your name
for the last time
if you fall in love with a poet
they will never stop
mentioning your name
you will be alive
for eternity
Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 12:03 AM UTC
I was drowning.
I was suffocating.
I was trapped.
After he died, I lost all hope.
I lost all strength.
I lost every care I had ever developed.
I had gained weakness.
I had gained prostration.
I had inhaled and swallowed
way too many substances to destroy my
emotional and mental pain.
For some time,
I avoided the torment.
You would have never guessed I was
suffering inside.
Then one day,
I got too high on what was supposed to
make my feelings disappear,
and I started feeling
everything at once.
I was overwhelmed,
I was controlled,
I was drowning,
I was suffocating,
I was trapped.
5 hours of endless tears,
and a shaking body.
I was gripping my sheets
in the most non-pleasurable way possible.
I was staring at his picture on my phone
the entire time as I was reaching out for him, but
could no longer feel his touch.
The toll his absence had on me
was immense.
I could no longer control
any type of feeling I possibly
could have had,
and that was my fault for trying to numb all the pain.
It was the reason he got taken away from me,
fault.
Now instead of trying to get rid of the pain
for however much amount of time
in an unhealthy way,
I try to avoid it naturally.
Even a natural, healthy way will never help stop feeling.
I have to deal with the unbearable amount of pain,
and that's just the way it is.
Mar 31, 2018
Mar 31, 2018 at 8:36 PM UTC
It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms
It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces
of your heart
that you don't yet understand
It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave
It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived
Mar 31, 2018
Mar 31, 2018 at 7:56 PM UTC
i finally remembered what it was
to feel happy and content
instead of just "not sad"
the sun comes around more often
sticks around longer
it paints my world in colors more beautiful
than those it gives the sky because suddenly,
when my friends laugh , i can too
and i am loud again
and instead of walking, i skip
suddenly, instead of dreading the day,
i wake up to moments full of potential
and i worry less about every single thing i do
suddenly, being with people
is as invigorating as it used to be
once upon a time ago.
of course, the rain will come again
and the sun will leave with summer
and it is then, especially, that i will hurt again
but suddenly, i have hope.
Mar 31, 2018
Mar 31, 2018 at 1:17 AM UTC
It's like a mold eating up your insides
Poisoning your blood and your brains
It's like a seed growing in your stomach
Growing its roots and veins
It's like your own shadow
Always behind you
but it grows bigger and bigger
Until it consumes you
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 10:47 PM UTC
I could never tell you
exactly what's going on inside my head,
so I'll write instead.
Drown my thoughts in paper & lead.
Keep my hands alive,
and my expression dead.
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 10:45 PM UTC
Why do people think
That being cubby
Is ugly?
Thick thighs
Rounded stomach
Flabby waist
I’ve never thought it mattered
Because if someone
Thinks you’re ugly
Because of the amount of skin
You have or don’t have
Then they don’t know
What true beauty is
Because in my opinion
If they care for you
They’ll love all of you
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 10:39 PM UTC
March 16, 2018 / 11:01pm
When someone is
brighter
than the
sun
and
stars,
you don't even
look at the
sky as much
anymore.
Unless,
there's a
sunset,
then you
want to
share the
aesthetically pleasing beauty
with them.
When
you guys enjoy
your
favorite foods
together,
you'll never
want to
eat it
alone
ever again.
When
you're in a
Queen sized bed
holding each other's
bare skinned
bodies
under the
warmest blankets
shared with
body heat and undying love,
when they're
absent,
you'd rather
sleep
on the
hardwood floor
shivering.
When the
sound
of their
laugh
is the
greatest vibration
that travels
through the air,
you'll never
want to
make contact
with another
individual
as long as your
life continues.
When you're
attracted and attached,
you will never
lay eyes
on
anyone
like you do
when you're
appreciating
their
existence.
When
you're so scared
to lose
someone,
you'll show their
mom
a substantial amount
of love,
for being the cause
of you being
so lucky
for having
them in
your life.
When you've
opened up
your past
to that
special human,
and they have
opened their ears
to all your
ashamed
secrets,
mistakes,
and struggles,
you'll never even
think about
having another
friend.
When
they've ripped
your clothes
off your body
and have
witnessed
every
raw feature
of your skin,
you'll never show
your insecurities to
another
set of eyes.
When you split
an
extensive amount
of
compassion,
and practically
tear out
your hearts
full of all the
love
you have to offer,
and
gently
but,
without hesitation,
put it in each other's
bare hands,
it will
forever
be their
treasure to hold.
"I love you"
in the sound
of their
addicting voice
will forever be
what you
hope to hear
every time
they
open their mouth.
No matter what
location
you stand in
or however
long or short
you're apart,
their arms
are where
you'll want to be.
Their
private parts,
which you're the only
VIP member to,
is what you will crave
in your aching bones.
Their deep affection
will be
your drug
and not
endless amounts
of
rehab
will ever help you
stop using.
Every flaw
they admit to having
will be
invisible
to your vision.
Every breath
they take
will be
your reason
to fight through
every obstacle
you stumble upon.
They'll be your
oxygen
and
every beat of your heart.
They'll be your
everything
the other and better
half of you.
A.R
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 1:35 PM UTC