According to the bible;
"Love is kind,
Love is patient,
Love is not jealous."
So I ask myself;
Am I kind to myself?
Do I show myself the affection the bible speaks of?
Am I patient with myself?
Do I speak to myself with patience and honesty as the bible speaks of?
What is it about jealousy that I feel in my heart?
Is that not an act of lack of love within me?
So I wonder why I do not love myself in the way my Creator had intended me to love others?
The bible Goes on to say;
"It does not take into account a wrong suffered."
So I ask myself, why do I constantly beat myself up about the mistakes I make in my life?
"Believes all things, hopes all things..."
Why do I not believe in myself and hope for the best for myself?
"Love never fails"
Have I failed in loving myself?
Jan 24, 2021
Jan 24, 2021 at 3:42 AM UTC
I try to imagine what it would've been like
if I followed my inner urge to get to know myself.
I would wonder how it would've felt like
if I didn't need the validation
of those around me
I wonder how my identity
would've shown itself
if I let it flourish when it wanted to.
I wonder who I would've been in my twenties
had I not been so worried about my identity
not lining up those around me.
I wonder if I would've had an identity crisis,
if my true self was established.
Jan 18, 2021
Jan 18, 2021 at 5:29 AM UTC
Almost three decades later,
and the position I take in my own life is second place.
I placed the blame of my position on the loved ones I trusted
but they are not the ones to take blame.
Two decades have passed,
and I still placed myself second to those
temporary in my life.
Most nights I lay my head on a pillow
filled with the tears I cry myself to sleep.
These tears carry the pain of invalidation
from the loved ones I trusted to love me.
The kind of Love
that I should be giving myself.
A decade into existing on this planet,
and I am so confused by the mixed
feelings my young heart felt.
She craved the loving touch of her mother,
but it was met with bitter words.
She ran into the street to play with the neighbor's kids,
just to be met by mockery and confusion.
She awaits her father from yet another work trip,
just to be met by a distant stranger that
rather be occupied with anything else
other than time with his daughter.
She sits in a classroom filled with
other kids that don't look like her,
confused with many questions
but too scared to ask.
I have put myself second in my life,
believing that I do not want anyone
feeling that way.
So I took it upon myself to put them
in first place in my life.
And now,
I am the one feeling the pain
of always being in second place.
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 5:59 AM UTC