my body lays flat on the bed
a body part pointing to each of the four world corners
my sky a light oak tree ceiling
Lana Del Rey is on the radio
the thoughts
How does she understand me so well?
How come I’ve never felt like that before?
occur and intertwine at the same time
the way she shares a little piece of her soul
her wandering, capricious, lusting soul
it’s beautiful
I want to be able to do that too
I wonder
which part of the body holds the soul?
first I cut my toe off
my curiosity simply took over
my foot quickly following along
a rush
floods over me
a leg must lend it’s life
then a finger
my right arm
my collarbones could be used as drumsticks
there are no drums in the song
my left hand is taken apart one finger at a time
I cut down the lifeline
I watch the blood spill out
it stops and
I heave my shoulder joints
next my eyes are up
I rip them out and turn them 180 degrees
so they stare into the sockets they left behind
eyes are after all said to be the window to the soul
I guess they aren’t
the ears are next in line
the other leg
I cut the skin on my throat into star shaped pieces
they sned down onto the gray carpet like alphabeat pasta snow
my nose lands atop my foot
it’s a strange sight
why you call them apple cheeks
I don’t know
they just look like bald rats to me
my stomach I slice open along the scar
I got the summer I crawled into a spruce tree and
caught a broken branch on my way down
left to itself
my heart lays flat on the bed
Lana Del Rey is on the radio
a body part pointing to each of the four world corners
my sky a light oak tree ceiling
I didn’t find my soul
only blood
nerve strings
pulsing muscle
a liver
two kidneys
among other things
maybe the soul isn’t connected to the body
maybe it doesn't matter because
I feel whole
I feel like
I’m in one piece.
Jan 13, 2019
Jan 13, 2019 at 10:58 AM UTC
When do you want to met up?
I ask
rapidly
add that I’ll sponsor the wine
But you’re too busy eating chocolate with her
Underneath blankets
That spread out like plaster parachutes
making it impossible for you to get up
I know this
still I stand outside the apartment,
a payed for ticket in hand
Late spring’s love breeze intrudes my wooljacket
your trashcan next to me smells rotten
Will people look at me weird if I go alone?
Jan 3, 2019
Jan 3, 2019 at 2:32 PM UTC
I’m lying awake
In my thoughts contractions
You are the weapon
That will eventually slaughter me
Because you’re stronger than I
Yeah, you’re the only one
Who can nail me to my bed
Without using any nails
And even though I’m greedier than you
You’re still my Judas
When you whisper in my ear
Your yellow pupils radiating heat like the sun
Threatening to turn me into ashes before I die
My mother always said one could turn blind by staring into the sun
Is it the truth?
I defy her advice
For a moment the sun in your eyes belong with the ocean in mine
You gave me an answer to my question
So
Let me turn the water in your body into wine
I am thirsty
Let me enjoy one last supper
Surrounded by white sheets covering just as much as a loincloth would
Let me show you that Paradise is real
And take you there
Let me enjoy one last sin
Before I sacrifice myself on my oakwood bed
Your hands make me feel resurrected
Let me hope for salvation
Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 10:30 AM UTC
You share a strange similarity to a traffic light that’s out of order
All I receive are mixed signals
I don’t know whether to stay safe and stay put
Or to take the chance and just go
you emit green light
when
Your left hand reaches out and caresses my thigh
Your head finds a spot leaning down on mine
But then you shift to yellow
and I can feel the cold from your chest pushing into mine
in a way that makes me wonder
how I am able to support your entire weight
Why doesn’t it burst the ballon under my skin?
My thoughts put to a halt when I see the red light in your eyes
and you say
“I don’t want a girlfriend”
I have to trust your word
Because your forehead part times as a unbreakable fortress to your mind
and today there are no lines nor crinkles to give me a sign on what’s going on in there
I do know that your mind is running rampant
as always
I know that mine is running 90 miles an hour
on a highway that never intersects with yours
You repeat:
“I don’t have time for a girlfriend.”
What I don’t say is
it’s okay, I don’t mind
I just want to be your ex
Because
I know
even if our highways were united through a bridge
we would stand on each side and wave at each other
But never dare to take the first step out on it
In fear of falling into the water
Because
I know that
I’m the type of person that burns my bridges
To ensure I don’t cross them
I know that
You’re the type of person who wouldn’t call 911
But instead stand still and try to heat up your chest
What I don’t know is
whether to hit the break or the speeder
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 5:39 AM UTC
Long, weary drops of water are falling outside
Through the bird droppings on my window I notice how the almost almost dead and done grass is leaning slightly to the right.
I shouldn't have time to notice this.
I should be running out the door
But I'm lacking something to run towards
So I'm sitting at the kitchen table, holding a overglamorized clay ***
Trying to fight of all the blue and the grey in the world
I close my eyes and observe my the darkness under my eyelids
The pleasure is greater when all the other senses are shut down
Only then does your full and round Earl Gray flavour truly come to life
Creating a frozen timeslot
To explore the universe under my batting eyelashes
You stand out like the North star tempting me to come along
Even if your moral compass point South instead of North
Surrounded by the constellations of my past,
A moment of seperation from the outside world
That slowly slips away, while you slip down my throat, down to my heart
Making sure a little bit of heat reached it today again.
While tearing me back to reality
Despite all the best things
The kitchen watch starring at me threathingly
Now I actually do have to run out the door
(my goal can always be to find a goal)
that let's the bitter cold inside
whose hinges squirm
While you just stand there like an autumn leaf on my kitchen table.
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 11:56 AM UTC
I don’t want to be you anymore.
You’re a cheap version of every Instagram trend,
and you possess more duplicity than the rest of humankind,
when you slide chameleon style through a crowd of people,
professing your love to them, while your stare hits the ground.
making it clear for the rest of us
why you’re deserted
when you talk about obscure things, knowing nobody will follow you,
disarming people from questioning your intelligens,
just so you can feel a little better than them
But it’s okay,
because you’re a hallucination of every guy’s fantasy.
A true dream catch,
who knows how to use her catch-all affect
Making you exceptional.
Your self-control is infallible.
You would never burst into tears, without a proper reason, like I do.
And your body, your face, everything is so beautiful,
In a degree that makes me desire you.
So I coat myself in your charm,
when my feet stop feeling warm
And I can’t look at myself in the mirror, after your visit.
Because I know that you would never
leave this skin undone like I do,
would never
fail these walls like I do
Yeah, it’s a shame,
that your polished plastic perfect smile
don’t cover your crooked teeth
Yeah it’s a shame,
that you can spot me through the crack between your front teeth
if the light hits just right.
And even though my Instagram photos won’t admit it,
my expectations are always more exciting than the occasion itself
And my confidence is a glass tray behind behind dark red tiles.
But you,
you don't have those problems.
Yeah, it’s a shame,
that I can’t love me as I love you
Apr 8, 2018
Apr 8, 2018 at 12:49 PM UTC
Who would that thought that we would turn out this way
When you cracked open a beer, which I turned down knowing I had to drive away
And who would have thought
That I would have something to tell you,
I just don't want to ruin our night
Maybe I should just keep my lips sealed for a little longer
As long as yours are locking up mine
We should both be fine.
Meanwhile, outside the night goes ballistic
The shade is covering up your room
We're just as tangled as your hair,
My feelings following along
curling into a hundred different directions
And it's crazy how not being able to look into your eyes,
Everything all of a sudden becomes so easy
And who would have thought
That butterflies would startle me, as soon as yours disappeared
Or that I would finally hate how Gordon's make me feel like I'm drunk on love instead of alcohol.
And who would have thought
That a martini wasn't the only thing, you would stir up.
I never thought it possible to lose something you never had
So now the aftertaste of lemons is lingering in my mouth
And every time I see you
I've visually replaced her face with mine
And every time I see you
I try to fake a smile.
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 12:40 PM UTC
I’m a renaissance woman.
Not in the sense that I’ll birth your children, and keep a perfect clean house
I am a Muse.
I rebirthed and reclaimed my mind and body
Away from the Dark Age of adolescence
So, I can finally feel present in my own skin
I’m a renaissance man in a woman’s body
Not in the sense that I feel trapped in the wrong time, place or body
But that I've become skilled in many fields
I will never stop trying to better myself
I have designed and engineered a par of perfect wings.
I guess you’ve never seen an angel in disguise
But unlike Icarus, my wings can hold me,
So, **** you Leonardo, I’m a better renaissance woman than you were a renaissance man
Dec 4, 2017
Dec 4, 2017 at 10:56 AM UTC
You are a devil who looks like a human but talks like an angel
I’m a pretty blue-eyed girl for which you are the living proof
You swept me off my feet
But I deserve a guy who encourages me to stand
A guy who will let me lean, instead of knocking me down, telling me it’s an act of love
I did not know love could be other than face value
So, when I got your check, I was surprised it came with ownership
Now I just feel sorry for you
Your mind will always be squarer than your jaw
Your soul darker than your eyelashes
Your resentment will always seep through your bones and manifest as hair on your skin
You can try and shave it down
But it will keep coming back – dark and seemingly multiplying
Sep 8, 2017
Sep 8, 2017 at 6:46 AM UTC
Yesterday I promised myself never to make the same mistake
Tonight I won’t mind you telling me I’m pretty
Tonight I’ll relish your compliments, be the tangible version of all your fantasies
For one night I’ll accept whatever and whoever comes my way
For one night I’ll ignore the bitterness in your kisses
For one night I’ll ignore myself and my own wishes
By dawn, I’ll hate myself for it
By dawn, I’ll realize that I deserve something real, that I deserve something more
Next week I’ll regret my actions by day, yet relish in them by night
In one year, I’ll realize that I don’t learn and maybe never will
Aug 15, 2017
Aug 15, 2017 at 12:45 PM UTC