tell me how to write
the gnats out of my skull
the static from my fingertips
the fire from my veins
the infection from my wounds
tell me how to write
you out of this body
Jun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 12:56 AM UTC
I was the crow who flew too high.
Now I'm lost among the sky.
Jun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 12:45 AM UTC
I own myself
I create myself
Fell in love with myself
And oh how it felt.
Jun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 12:44 AM UTC
You were the rays of
Light, that shined through cracks in my
half open curtains.
Jun 27, 2017
Jun 27, 2017 at 12:43 AM UTC
You took my breath away
You made my heart race so fast I thought it might stop
I told myself I didn't want to love anyone
I had seen what love can do
But your beautiful brown eyes drew me in
Your sweet words blinded me from your real intentions
The first time you touched me you turned me into your slave
People had only ever touched me out of hate
But you were showing me tender love
I trusted you, loved you, wanted you
But something changed
Of course life could never be perfect
You were angry with me all the time
Why could I never make you happy?
I wanted to give the world to you
To show you how much I adored you
But you closed yourself off from me all the time
I tried not to worry, not to suspect you of devious actions
But I think I knew who you truly were all along
But you always came back and so did I
I tried to please you by not stopping you when your hand slipped between my legs that night
Even though you knew I didn't want it
That was the first night you bit me
Said it turned you on
Though I never told you, it turned me on too
But you always went too far
Pushing me to places I never wanted to go, wasn't ready to go
If I told you to stop, you left bruises on my skin
No one should tell you what to do and I had to learn my lesson, didn't I?
You never apologized when you let your anger get the best of you
Never even held me while I cried
So why did I go back?
Why did I always forgive you?
Why did you let me?
How could you hurt an innocent girl who was too young to understand how you were deceiving her?
Nevertheless, you eventually gave up on me
I wanted to hate you but still I couldn't
You came back to explain yourself
Told me you no longer loved me like you used to
You told me things could never be the same
But what even went wrong?
You couldn't even tell me
You made your best friend do it
Turns out we were living a lie
There was a bet between you and your friends and I was a part of it
Who would lose their virginity first?
Definitely not you because we never went that far
But somehow you did win
Multiple times
With multiple different girls
Did they love you too?
Did they give you everything you had hoped for?
Everything I couldn't give you?
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 9:39 AM UTC
The kisses you left on my skin stayed with me
I felt your lips burn my skin, forever branding me as yours
You were harsh, always kissing me out of lust
Never of love
You liked to bite my lips hard enough to draw blood
Why was inflicting pain on me your only fantasy?
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 9:24 AM UTC
A part of me died that day
Right along with you
I wish we would've been miles away from home
So the first responders couldn't have reached me in time
I never wanted to live without you
But the ambulance came
They pronounced you dead on the scene
Instantly dead just like that
They worked so hard to save me
But I was already gone too
My spirit was still with yours
Trapped in that shell of a car
You promised you would never leave me
And now I'm the one that left you
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 2:50 PM UTC
You know it's getting bad when you don't bother to turn the lights on.
Fight or flight instinct in the form of rivers running dry. Feeling blurry, a forgery. The end is always the same, penalties lying in ditches and the sirens running red and blue like the fourth of July.
Shimmering sawdust that forgets how to become human again. Try to remember the moments you stilled into statue. They become important. Trust me.
This is not Jerusalem. There is no holy left. It's a too-human fight, and I hope what they say about time healing things is true because this scraping, this constant rearranging of the keys, it's too much.
When nothing makes it better, not the kisses, or the pills, or the planets. Nothing. The past and present chewing me up and spitting me out, until the future can get its hands on me too.
I am still trying to figure out right and wrong. I am still trying to find out where the bandages are, but it's hard, you know?
She had soft smiles and a degree in empathy framed in her office, but I couldn't stand her for more than a month. I could see her pen twitching in her hand. After all, there are boxes to tick if I get too honest.
I shouldn't have called my mom, or let her fish me out of the river. While I was coughing liquid from my lungs, I heard her tell the paramedic,
She could have learned to breathe underwater, if only she'd tried harder.
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 10:55 AM UTC
The sun no longer seems to shine without you
The moon no longer as pretty too
Everyone says you're up there watching me
But I know you died that day in every single way
There is nothing left of you
And I feel pretty empty too
Sometimes I wish I could lie down on your grave
And just rot away
Become one with the earth
Melt into you
We will meet again
I promise you
Apr 26, 2017
Apr 26, 2017 at 11:29 AM UTC