loathes - Hello Poetry

I love you. it hurts, and I love you anyway. somehow, I loved you before I knew you. you are my poison, and you are my antidote. I love you inordinately, irrevocably, impossibly.

0

Sep 6, 2023

Sep 6, 2023 at 10:38 AM UTC

loathes

In-Yun

I love you. it hurts, and I love you anyway. somehow, I loved you before I knew you. you are my poison, and you are my antidote. I love you inordinately, irrevocably, impossibly.

5

one part of me goes - what does it matter? why does it matter? this is who I am, this is what I look like. this is me beside you in the morning, barefaced, this is me dressing up for you in the evening, eyeliner, lipstick, the works. these are both me. think what you will, say what you will to your friends. it can't affect me. I don't exist outside of that. but another part of me goes - I want you to like me. I want you to care. I want you to think about me. I want you to stay. I want you to be okay with my presence. not everything is a means to an end. I care so much it hurts.

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Jul 19, 2023

Jul 19, 2023 at 4:34 AM UTC

loathes

Untitled

one part of me goes - what does it matter? why does it matter? this is who I am, this is what I look like. this is me beside you in the morning, barefaced, this is me dressing up for you in the evening, eyeliner, lipstick, the works. these are both me. think what you will, say what you will to your friends. it can't affect me. I don't exist outside of that. but another part of me goes - I want you to like me. I want you to care. I want you to think about me. I want you to stay. I want you to be okay with my presence. not everything is a means to an end. I care so much it hurts.

2

we love you and we are happy to have you but we wanted to stop at two we agreed to stop at two and then this bad thing happened that really ruined things and we decided to have another one because we want a clean slate and this third child will make things better and we can start afresh and it will all be okay and then you don’t take into account the 7 and 11 year age difference and the two of them hated me then for existing and for being spoilt (like I could control it) and for having what they didn’t have and having to be my babysitter and taking away their childhood and I was never in your plan but it’s all okay because now the narrative changes and I’m to be the redemption child but having another child doesn’t save your marriage and it doesn’t create a clean slate and no matter how well you phrase it I was just never meant to exist but then I did anyway so that you two could feel better about that one mistake that ****** everything up

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Jul 18, 2023

Jul 18, 2023 at 9:09 PM UTC

loathes

Untitled

we love you and we are happy to have you but we wanted to stop at two we agreed to stop at two and then this bad thing happened that really ruined things and we decided to have another one because we want a clean slate and this third child will make things better and we can start afresh and it will all be okay and then you don’t take into account the 7 and 11 year age difference and the two of them hated me then for existing and for being spoilt (like I could control it) and for having what they didn’t have and having to be my babysitter and taking away their childhood and I was never in your plan but it’s all okay because now the narrative changes and I’m to be the redemption child but having another child doesn’t save your marriage and it doesn’t create a clean slate and no matter how well you phrase it I was just never meant to exist but then I did anyway so that you two could feel better about that one mistake that ****** everything up

27

I had so many questions: "why did you leave? what did I do? don't you miss me? don't you feel bad?" he answered only the first question: "I just did."

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Jul 10, 2023

Jul 10, 2023 at 9:25 PM UTC

loathes

Untitled

I had so many questions: "why did you leave? what did I do? don't you miss me? don't you feel bad?" he answered only the first question: "I just did."

7

being on my knees begging to be slapped peering up at faceless men and thinking: this is what I want actually, believing this is what I want and I let (asked) you to do all that to me there was some resistance, "I've not done that before." what, slapped someone? deprived someone of oxygen? but you did it anyway, and now you say I've ruined you so now we're both a little more damaged than before. "some moments I fear you are in self-destruct mode. I like it, I hate it." you plead for me to stop this. somehow, I wake up. and somehow, I listen.

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Jul 5, 2023

Jul 5, 2023 at 5:10 AM UTC

loathes

Youth Is My Only Currency

being on my knees begging to be slapped peering up at faceless men and thinking: this is what I want actually, believing this is what I want and I let (asked) you to do all that to me there was some resistance, "I've not done that before." what, slapped someone? deprived someone of oxygen? but you did it anyway, and now you say I've ruined you so now we're both a little more damaged than before. "some moments I fear you are in self-destruct mode. I like it, I hate it." you plead for me to stop this. somehow, I wake up. and somehow, I listen.

13

I told myself I'd never do it again and yet I found myself in the airport at 5 AM and I found you and we got ****** coffee and we waited we waited and we flew and we drove we laughed and cried and kissed we drank and talked and ****** a little boy asked if I was your wife and you said yes and when you booked a taxi to the airport for me you called me your girlfriend how liberating it is to lose yourself in the fantasy of it all but the loneliness hits eventually and somewhere along the way you found your conscience somewhere along the way you felt bad about the age difference you felt bad for letting me give you permission you felt bad but you did it still I hate that I like you as a person I hate that we did that I hate that it didn't end terribly I hate that I can't hate you

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Jun 4, 2023

Jun 4, 2023 at 11:49 PM UTC

loathes

The Second Man I Went On A Trip With

I told myself I'd never do it again and yet I found myself in the airport at 5 AM and I found you and we got ****** coffee and we waited we waited and we flew and we drove we laughed and cried and kissed we drank and talked and ****** a little boy asked if I was your wife and you said yes and when you booked a taxi to the airport for me you called me your girlfriend how liberating it is to lose yourself in the fantasy of it all but the loneliness hits eventually and somewhere along the way you found your conscience somewhere along the way you felt bad about the age difference you felt bad for letting me give you permission you felt bad but you did it still I hate that I like you as a person I hate that we did that I hate that it didn't end terribly I hate that I can't hate you

22

the worst is over and I reside under it

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Jun 4, 2023

Jun 4, 2023 at 9:09 PM UTC

loathes

sunrise sunset

the worst is over and I reside under it

2

I slept to not think about you and then I dreamt about you anyway I can't remember much of it I just remember you picked me up we went home we talked and things were okay again and I woke up and I checked my phone and there was nothing

0

Mar 31, 2023

Mar 31, 2023 at 4:24 AM UTC

loathes

And Then

I slept to not think about you and then I dreamt about you anyway I can't remember much of it I just remember you picked me up we went home we talked and things were okay again and I woke up and I checked my phone and there was nothing

10

HIM what is real for you right now? ME hm, you. HIM me? ME yeah, you. because you're here. what about you? what's real for you now? HIM us, because we're here together. ME ha, you win. that's so much better than mine.

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Mar 27, 2023

Mar 27, 2023 at 6:43 AM UTC

loathes

What's Real?

HIM what is real for you right now? ME hm, you. HIM me? ME yeah, you. because you're here. what about you? what's real for you now? HIM us, because we're here together. ME ha, you win. that's so much better than mine.

13