Is that when it ends
It’s hard, you know?
Losing a friend that I thought I would ask for help
for paining the walls of my new house and move the furniture in.
How am I supposed
to grieve that space you left in my life?
I still see you every day
Not just you,
the things I want to show you.
the things I think would interest you.
the things I think would make you laugh.
But I don’t know you anymore,
so maybe those things would be boring to you.
Maybe I’m overthinking this.
Maybe I’m being over dramatic about this.
But friendship
it’s one of the most precious things for me.
And I just keep losing it.
Maybe I’m
just not a good friend.
I’m trying.
Every day I try.
But its hard for me
to keep a façade,
to keep a conversation.
I’m hard to love
because I’m not always there.
But I thought that our friendship was strong enough
to stand my silence.
Its hard and
it hurts me.
But it's time
to let go that pain.
I’m letting you go.
I’m grieving and I’m moving on.
You were my friend
and now you’re not.
I’ll have to live with it.
I’ll smile when we lock eyes
and be grateful
I got to know you.
Apr 14, 2022
Apr 14, 2022 at 2:13 PM UTC
Let me hide
in the caverns
of your heart
Those carved out
from
the pain
the grief
the cruelties of
this world
have left you
with a space in
the middle of
your soul
without pieces of
yourself
Let me hide
in those shallowness
Can you hear
the wind is playing
I promise to
be careful
with the sharp edges
Let me hide
in the cliffs
of your sadness
just above the sea
of your tears
Where the
flowers
smiles
don’t grow
maybe I
can plant them
there
Mar 27, 2022
Mar 27, 2022 at 12:25 AM UTC
They made you
bite and spite blood to distract the sharks around
To survive
But then
You met someone who is just
too soft
too good
That can look at the world
in all its ugliness
in all its cruelty
An even then
can smile and light the room
can just share the silence and bring peace
Someone you treasure so much
that you end letting go
Because
that is the only thing you know how to do
Because
that is the closest thing to love you know
Because
you only know how not to hurt
So you stood there watching their back
With the words cutting your throat
But you just can’t say them
Because
you don’t know how
Because
you don’t know how to say it
Because
when you try to say - ---- ---
It sounds like
I’m sorry
I’m happy for you
You can go
I can stay
I will wait
Maybe it doesn't have a sound at all
It was in my friend teaching me to play the piano
It was on my friend asking me if I had eaten anything
It was in my brother calling me names while rushing my hair
It was in my mother saying She just wants me to be happy
It was in my father saying he just wants the best for me
Because
everybody speaks it different
Because
sometimes it isn’t said
But if I learnt anything at all
Is that even if we don’t understand each other
we have to make an effort
So, I played the piano the best I could
I kissed goodbye my mother
I held eye contact with my father
I ran here just to say my first words
To them
To you
I’m happy you are alive
And I’m happy that I’m alive too
Here
with you tonight
Mar 19, 2022
Mar 19, 2022 at 8:37 PM UTC
The last time I said goodbye
Farewell
Safe roads
Good winds
to my father
who gave me life
I cried myself to sleep
for three days I would
lie there
In the camping tent
Clenching my hands
Around his shirt
still with his aftershave lotion
Maybe I knew it then
It would be the last time
I would see my father
The next time
I said
Farewell
Safe roads
Good winds
To that stranger
Who shares my nose
I thought that maybe
I could learn from him
how not to love
Mar 19, 2022
Mar 19, 2022 at 8:26 PM UTC
Her sadness was loud
she would cry herself out
bang her hands against the walls
she would scream asking why
to the heavens
asking why
to the glass of water still full
Her grief was like a storm
encompassing everything else
it was wet
there was no escape from it
I could just
stare
at her
at the photo
at the candles
my sadness was quiet
I couldn't cry
the tears would dry in my eyelashes
I would just lay there
asking why
to the shadows in the altar
asking why
to my memory
asking why
I couldn't remember
his voice
his hands
the last time I saw him
the last time I heard
his voice
The lights are the only thing I can offer
to help him
to help her
to
remember
even if it's just now
I only have the guilt
because death did us part
and all the love I didn't know I had
doesn't have anywhere to go
Mar 19, 2022
Mar 19, 2022 at 8:20 PM UTC
It hides behind the knives
every time I start cooking
was it a month?
a year?
it cannot be the same spider
but
it is still there
I look at it
Climbing
Is it sacred?
Of me ?
Like I’m of it?
It’s a tiny piece of
Life
that I could
crush
with
Only a hand
I gather the knife
And keep cooking
Mar 19, 2022
Mar 19, 2022 at 8:15 PM UTC
Lovers embrace each other like there is no tomorrow.
Mothers cry for the future of their parting kids.
Fathers ponder about the wrongdoings
and I will be there,
with a cup of coffee steaming hot
and you will be there, too
at the other side
of the table
of the sea
We’d look at each other
Or maybe not
Maybe wet just breath the same air
for one last time
In the night before the end of the world
We’ll give our farewells
to an unknown future
We’ll ask empty apologies to unborn children
In the middle of the table
Between the cookies and words not said
Will lay bare our regrets of a
Unloved
Unlived
life
Nov 13, 2021
Nov 13, 2021 at 5:28 PM UTC
How often do you think about death
About dying
About everyone else dying
While I sit with mom
Watching a movie about euthanasia
She asks me
What are you going to do with me?
I thought about dying when the world seemed too dark
And life felt too heavy
She though about dying when her body hut too much
And her heart was broken
But that night
Watching an old man loving too much
We both felt like we didn’t think about dying
By aging
By living too much
In the morning
With warm coffee in our hands
I said to her
What you ask me to
Nov 13, 2021
Nov 13, 2021 at 5:27 PM UTC
because while i scrub the tiles
I can't hear you in the kitchen
I can't hear the words you say under your breath
While trying to get rid of the ugliness between the tiles
I try to get rid of the ugliness inside me
My head can only recite you words
even if I try to imagine histories of other words
even if I repeat my mantra
aléjate de mi aléjate de mi aléjate de mi
I can only hear those voices
Am I too much?
why is that the me that i thought was the best of me
is the one hurting you?
why is that i thought that everything was fine
but every word
every look
every action
was hurting you?
why is that i was convinced that the worst was behind us?
is bad that even if you are telling me that I'm hurting you
every day
every second
I can only cry?
am I bad for thinking in the way your words hurt me
when you are the one hurting?
is this the best that I can get?
I just keep running in circles
thinking that I'm close to the end
I thought that -
does it matter what i thought?
the bathroom is clean now
I didn't want you to enter
I wasn't finished yet
is everything I say that hurtful?
Nov 13, 2021
Nov 13, 2021 at 5:25 PM UTC
I ask you
If you love me,
All the time:
While eating
Watching television
Working
Cooking
I need to get it
I’m not afraid that one day
You’ll realize that you don’t love me anymore
What really scares me is that
one day
That love won’t be enough
For you to forgive everything I’ve done
Everything that I haven’t done
Everything I won’t do
Nov 13, 2021
Nov 13, 2021 at 5:24 PM UTC