i always had a feeling something was there-- not like a tumor, more like a devilish little bird, who refrains from my reach-- something so invisible yet so nauseatingly glaring red, strobing at times like that annoying light on those fire alarms that alert, "fire! fire!" and you run.
sometimes i think we're friends. yet when i, in and out of sleep, turn to embrace this Thing, i am reminded of how sinister it can be. and perhaps my shame comes from the people instead, but how could i not want to catch it, and gnaw at its bones the way it has mine?
when i ask them if it's there, they scurry off like a scolded dog. this shame, it's contagious. and this ******* Bird is like a pair of shoes that somehow gets less broken in over time. when i address it, it echoes back. it mocks me and asks me if i would even know who i am without it. what a cruel thing, and even worse is that it wins with my answer!
Feb 3, 2024
Feb 3, 2024 at 2:10 AM UTC
thinking back on long ago
as a child i strove to never be alone
to always fit in, but the water-
the water was wide.
i hate to know now that
she never figures out how to cross-
the water was wide,
the water is wide.
Feb 3, 2024
Feb 3, 2024 at 2:04 AM UTC
waking up is the hardest thing
the groggy, shameful start of
every day it’s like i’m pulling a half dead
mouse off of a glue trap
and i stay sticky for a while
the comfort lingers
the fog of dreams slip in and out
of my heavy, heavy head
i tell myself i will get up
in a moment but then it’s been
a couple hours
and still the pillow feels as soft
as it did when i was drifting off last night
Dec 15, 2022
Dec 15, 2022 at 5:06 AM UTC
i can’t imagine not
being grateful to the water
when it is not quenching thirst
but when it’s flowing faster
than my fragile self can handle
when its power is beyond mine
and i cannot sip nor swallow
the gentle, careful waves
don’t hold still for me to wade in
i am simply coexisting
i am free to swim around
and i may be swept under tomorrow
it’s an ever changing world
and it doesn’t give us rain because we ask
Dec 15, 2022
Dec 15, 2022 at 4:43 AM UTC
i don’t want life to be easy,
but i wish it were simple
i don’t want to pick flowers
to die in a vase on the table
it’s too late to retreat
it’s too late to begin
it’s too late to start over
i’m too broke to give in
i want it all or none
spend my days in a class or the sun
either a mansion or shack on a hill
if i could put in the effort, complete overkill
but they don’t want me to belong to the land
(only if i put a dollar in their hand)
so i am a little bit lost
a little bit lazy at a pretty large cost
and i want to know things but not out of need
fulfill my own longing, a curious greed
it’s too late to go back
it’s too early to die
it’s too late to start over
it’s no use asking why
can i only have just one?
rich exhaustion or penniless fun
i’m sure that some can,
but that someone’s not me
unless there’s something that no one can see
i’m digging for treasure
i’m not sure is there
maybe i’ll find it…
if i just change my hair
Dec 15, 2022
Dec 15, 2022 at 4:22 AM UTC
If you could only feel your words
Encase me, head to toe
And could see your face, bold and bright
Even beaming in the night,
You too would be in love, I know.
Nov 20, 2019
Nov 20, 2019 at 4:47 AM UTC
I'm only having fun!
I said.
I'm dancing in the street.
Little bolts of lightning
Are charging up my feet.
Oh! But it's the morning?
Well, what is that to me?
What does it affect you
If I'm dancing until Three?
New experiences are all around,
And surprisingly, most are free.
I have the urge to feel them all
Before it's my time to flee.
I have the urge to make a mess
And let my wild be.
I just want to feel the movement
Of the swaying of the trees.
And I want to feel the rhythmic tides
Of the seven seas.
But all I have for now
Is a hazy yellow, red, and green
Above my head, now Four A.M.
Not a car that I can see,
But if one stopped,
I'd have to ask,
"Wouldn't you like to dance with me?"
Nov 19, 2019
Nov 19, 2019 at 1:16 PM UTC
when i met you,
your cheeks dusted with glitter
that settled in the light
and danced with every smile,
i could feel you were special
and you made me feel special
in a time of doubt.
you move with the energy around you
and it's hard to look away.
you're comforting like night
and energetic like day.
your words cast spells
and your songs cast a shadow
of peace.
you're not typical,
but it's beautiful
and i'm,
for once,
finally feeling okay.
Jul 1, 2019
Jul 1, 2019 at 3:30 AM UTC
maybe i'm not special.
maybe the world is like me, in that all that they see
when they look at themselves
is folds and lines and marks-
and ugliness,
and broken hearts.
maybe it's the trust thing,
because i can't trust anyone else
when they tell me i'm beautiful
yet i can trust myself
when i say that
i'm lumpy, bumpy, gross-
and detestable,
and possibly
the most beautiful girl in the world.
i don't know,
and i can't see it.
maybe i will one day.
maybe just a little bit.
Jul 1, 2019
Jul 1, 2019 at 3:18 AM UTC
i want to love you
so much
but my throat pulls me back
and closes before i can get the words out.
and i want to hold you
in my arms.
we can drift off to sleep
together.
but sometimes my fingers whisper to me,
they tell me not to touch you.
i'll touch you when
your tongue is no longer bleeding
and
your skin no longer tears.
Jul 1, 2019
Jul 1, 2019 at 3:14 AM UTC