Looking into the mirror, I do not recognize the girl before me
But I do see a girl seeking to find herself and for that, I'm hopeful
-o.d.
May 18, 2021
May 18, 2021 at 7:13 PM UTC
your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;
i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober
i'm drunk on the
memory of you
Mar 4, 2021
Mar 4, 2021 at 9:00 PM UTC
I'm sorry that I doubted you, I'm sorry that I was wrong.
I'm sorry that I left you when you needed someone strong
RIP Joshua W.
Mar 10, 2019
Mar 10, 2019 at 11:58 PM UTC
Becoming a teenager was the hardest thing I’ve accomplished.
I stopped playing with Barbie dolls, instead I tried to become one.
Thousands spent on makeup, hair, nails, and clothes.
And for what?
Because I actually believed society’s opinion of me mattered.
13 years old, waking up an hour earlier than I used to, to apply layers of makeup and hairspray on top of the person I wanted to be.
I loved the person I was until the age of 13.
There are bullies wherever you go.
There are going to be people that don’t like you, no matter what.
I wish I would’ve known that running away wasn’t the answer.
I thought being pulled out of public school would be better for me and everyone else but boy was I wrong.
Being alone all the time never made me lonely.
I was stuck inside my own head stuck with the bullies I’ve created, clones of the people I’ve come across from before.
The people who hurt me and degraded me.
Depression, anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar, Insomnia.
At the age of 14, I thought a noose would suit my neck better than any kind of necklace.
Pills upon pills turned into pain
Pain turned into shutting everyone out.
Being a teenager was the hardest thing I’ve ever accomplished.
Mar 10, 2019
Mar 10, 2019 at 11:51 PM UTC
Tears
Fall down my face
Burning
Like acid rain
Into the wounds
You gave
I can't move my arm
My hand
I've been shaking
For so long
I wonder
If I'll ever be still again
My heart
Slams against my ribcage
With every beat
It beats
And beats,
Beats
'Till there's nothing left
Of me
You said you loved me
Said you cared
When I was in trouble
You'd be there
But now you're my pain
And I'm a victim
Hoping I could
Find the courage
To escape
But there's nowhere
Else to go
Nowhere that I can
Feel safe
I've never been so afraid
Never felt this way
I'm so afraid
You might return
Afraid of the things
You think I deserve
Oct 22, 2015
Oct 22, 2015 at 9:09 AM UTC
I thought a lot today, that doesn't happen often.
I thought about how I lost a big sister
I thought about how I am the only to laugh at my jokes
I thought about the days when I used to fit into a size six
I'm not one to often feel sorry for myself but when I think, I put myself into a bad mood.
I travel back to the days when I used to live with my father. He was once good, you know, but drugs can take a lot from a man
I went back to the day I broke my arm when I fell out of an apple tree and lied because I didn't want to get my grandma in trouble for not watching me
I went back to the day when they buried my best friend because of the sickness that invaded his body
I thought back to Thursday when I didn't hear my name called for the second round
I think back to all of the bad memories because that's all I can remember. Sad, right?
I told myself I'd write a happy poem but how can you write a poem without putting all of your emotions and thoughts into it? And the only thing I'm feeling and thinking right now is sadness
I'll just add "write a happy poem" to my bucket list, because I know that I'm not going to be able to write one soon
maybe this is why i don't think a lot.
May 18, 2015
May 18, 2015 at 12:18 AM UTC
That's what it feels like
Depression
I've never really talked about
My depressed days that much
Its just a part of me
I can never really reveal to other people
This is hard
It never really leaves you you know
Its like your just numb
You can lay there for hours staring
At the ceiling
Doing nothing
Thinking nothing
Or you can be
Lying on your bedroom floor
Tears streaming down your face
Crying silently alone
Burning all the memories
You want to never remember
But somehow can never let go of
You can have the blade in your hand
Running across your skin creating
Lines of red
Lines of pain
Lines of anger
Of heartbreak
No one even knows
You hide it so fucken well
The pain is unbearable
But you can't let it show through
Smile
Laugh even
No one notices
No one notices the scars
You keep your jumper on to hide them
Even on hot summer days
Your skirt hides the lines on your thigh
No one notices
No one knows that the happiest person they know
Truly isn't
They're broken
Cut up
Terrible
May 15, 2015
May 15, 2015 at 7:33 PM UTC
I seen beneath my eyelids
I was a black silhouette
of an entity outlined in
platinum aura eclipse
and the visions fell
far & fell hard
from a teardrop chandelier
hanging from the ceiling
in my skull &
shattered
the crude
jewel encrusted
crescent floor
then thunder roared
in the distance &
erupted the crown,
unleashing a copious
explosion of white
gold light
& my skeleton
sheds the snakeskin
& escapes
thru the hole in my head;
just crawls right out,
bubbles up & becomes
a pink heart shaped balloon
& it floats
up. out. away.
creeps thru one of
the holes in the ozone,
straight into the sun
& burns up.
star burst.
& that's soul.
May 15, 2015
May 15, 2015 at 6:38 AM UTC
When you are a poet
you don't place yourself on a pedestal
don't spit venomous hate
think fellow writers are dismal.
When you are a poet
you don't feel a superiority
fellow writers you gleefully berate
make yourself perversely witty.
When you are a poet
your heart is a little more wide
you don't fume and fret
readers are not on your side.
If you are a poet
you know better than to be arrogantly vain
don't carry ego's sinful weight
but let your art pour through your pen.
May 15, 2015
May 15, 2015 at 6:34 AM UTC