when i was younger,
i used to make these bucket lists.
in second grade we were learning about the fifty states and one day we were given a map of the united states.
we were to color the states that we had been to in red. and the states we wanted to go to were to be colored blue.
i distinctly remember having a map covered in a shade of the vast sea because for some reason back then i thought if i could see all these cool places i would better my person.
i've been in many more than 50 states.
sadness. happiness. guilt. excitement. disgust. jealousy. frightenment. joy. exhaust. et cetera.
and a gross combination of each.
texas, rhode island, maine. those are all just divided in lines that different people claim they own. but in reality death is the only guarantee we have in life and that may seem crazy and some people may believe that they are immune to this curse. i'm here to assure you that you are going to die. and shortly after your name will never be found in mouths of people who once knew you but only be seen in past year books. and even then you'd be lucky to have your name recognized. along with your name, your possessions will no longer be known to you. the only thing you'll really ever have is yourself and i'm sorry for that.
Sep 24, 2015
Sep 24, 2015 at 7:25 PM UTC
I do not deserve to be here
I'm sorry you think I do.
Jun 3, 2015
Jun 3, 2015 at 11:18 PM UTC
I still don't want to be here
I still want to **** myself
you're not here
you promised you'd be here forever
you left
with no explanation
and you lied
I knew you like the back of my hand
now I can't look at you
I'm scared of you
I feel like you're something different
you're probably not
you're probably happy
that's so good
it hurts
you were my best friend
so easily you were gone
but it's not my fault
you left me
I can't be sad
or feel sorry for being happy
if you're sad that's not my fault
breaking yourself in the process
of breaking me
that's not my fault
May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 5:17 PM UTC
my eyes darkened when you walked away.
I see it in my pictures.
I wonder if you see it too.
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 10:59 PM UTC
the thoughts are always there,
I promise they only hide.
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 12:42 AM UTC
i hate how much i crave being loved--
it just sounds like it would be something nice.
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 12:29 AM UTC
it's like,
cutting an apple in half;
with one drop of the knife
it won't split.
you have to keep pushing
for it to break.
similarly,
a relationship;
with one incident
it won't split.
you have to keep pushing
for it to break.
Feb 27, 2015
Feb 27, 2015 at 5:01 PM UTC
13 years ago
that Magnolia tree hovered over my yard.
it cast such a shadow
that everything underneath was always so cool.
the flowers were so beautiful;
the purest white to the palest pink.
when the sun was at a certain angle
the tree looked magical.
5 years ago the tree split in half.
back then
the grass was so much greener.
i don't mean the metaphor
the feeling of thin lucious grass running through my toes
always amazed me.
the grass is dead now.
we used to love the rain.
we would run up
and play in the middle of the street.
until the thunder cracked
and we'd race back home,
laughing the whole way.
I'm terrified of storms now.
you used to be able to hear kids playing.
you could drive through any neighborhood at any time of day during the spring and summer.
there would be kids outside.
playing baseball, rundown, release, soccer-
riding bikes, scooters, skateboards, go karts-
jumping on pogo sticks, trampolines, and over ropes.
even at night
we would go out
trying to catch lightening bugs.
we're inside on our phones now.
the trees going to school.
God were they something.
they lined the road,
every tree was the exact same
but something about there being so many in one place
could take your breath away.
2 years ago the road and trees were destroyed
I wish things never changed
Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 12:46 AM UTC