lillygrvce - Hello Poetry

i am nothing but a small robin as i perch on a branch outside their southern louisiana house an orange cat stares at me through the window on the deck in the backyard or maybe on the porch out front a glass of iced water is forgotten, and bleeding its condensation onto the wood underneath it the mosquitoes lay their eggs in the still, sitting water spreading themselves like a disease into our world but i’m still gonna drink it, because my tongue is dry and the bird bath has been empty for years

0

Jan 3, 2025

Jan 3, 2025 at 10:54 PM UTC

the bird outside my parents’ window

i am nothing but a small robin as i perch on a branch outside their southern louisiana house an orange cat stares at me through the window on the deck in the backyard or maybe on the porch out front a glass of iced water is forgotten, and bleeding its condensation onto the wood underneath it the mosquitoes lay their eggs in the still, sitting water spreading themselves like a disease into our world but i’m still gonna drink it, because my tongue is dry and the bird bath has been empty for years

9

you just turned 19 in march i just turned 19 in june march is gone and so are you june is still here and so am i how is that fair? i don't care about "god's plan" or if it was "meant to happen" it shouldn't have been god needs to leave my friends alone how have i suffered 2 such devastating losses of friends my age and i'm not even old enough to buy alcohol yet you were getting clean when you died so now i'll start smoking cigarettes (the ones i'm not old enough to buy yet) and get ***** i'll get real ***** and i'll live for the both of us i'm not happy, i don't remember the last time i truly was i see death all around me people, birds, bugs, other animals your car crash makes me want to crash my car i miss you i still see your notifications i still hear the videos we would send each other i can't read the comics we used to talk about or watch the shows we use to geek over i can't do anything i used to find comfort in because through those things i also found comfort in you and now that you're gone my safe place is gone too i miss you

0

Jun 29, 2023

Jun 29, 2023 at 2:16 PM UTC

for abigail

you just turned 19 in march i just turned 19 in june march is gone and so are you june is still here and so am i how is that fair? i don't care about "god's plan" or if it was "meant to happen" it shouldn't have been god needs to leave my friends alone how have i suffered 2 such devastating losses of friends my age and i'm not even old enough to buy alcohol yet you were getting clean when you died so now i'll start smoking cigarettes (the ones i'm not old enough to buy yet) and get ***** i'll get real ***** and i'll live for the both of us i'm not happy, i don't remember the last time i truly was i see death all around me people, birds, bugs, other animals your car crash makes me want to crash my car i miss you i still see your notifications i still hear the videos we would send each other i can't read the comics we used to talk about or watch the shows we use to geek over i can't do anything i used to find comfort in because through those things i also found comfort in you and now that you're gone my safe place is gone too i miss you

31

i watch birds fly every day i watch cars drive every day i watch planes soar through the sky every day i watch people falling through the ground every day a few times a week i see children morph into nightmares a few times a month i see my friends walk through walls every so often i can smell a church burning down somewhere every once in a while everything goes quiet all the colors around me shift either 4 shades darker or 2 shades lighter lighter i want to be lighter i want to be able to lift off the ground just like the birds i want to be so light that i can slither through molecules as thin as a paper i want to walk through walls i want to morph into something scarier than my nightmares i want to remember what it feels like to not be scared of falling through the floor i want to burn down a church and then cry and beg for forgiveness at the feet of the lord i had to, i'm sorry. it was the only way to feel like he's truly gone. i want to be high on the feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs. but i can't find anything that raises me up enough to feel that. diphenhydramine morphs children into nightmares. dextromethorphan makes people fall through the ground and walk through walls the devil himself makes me remember the smell of a church burning down but i've never seen a church burn down perhaps it's just my mind manifesting my thoughts into physical sensations

0

Mar 17, 2023

Mar 17, 2023 at 12:34 AM UTC

getting high

i watch birds fly every day i watch cars drive every day i watch planes soar through the sky every day i watch people falling through the ground every day a few times a week i see children morph into nightmares a few times a month i see my friends walk through walls every so often i can smell a church burning down somewhere every once in a while everything goes quiet all the colors around me shift either 4 shades darker or 2 shades lighter lighter i want to be lighter i want to be able to lift off the ground just like the birds i want to be so light that i can slither through molecules as thin as a paper i want to walk through walls i want to morph into something scarier than my nightmares i want to remember what it feels like to not be scared of falling through the floor i want to burn down a church and then cry and beg for forgiveness at the feet of the lord i had to, i'm sorry. it was the only way to feel like he's truly gone. i want to be high on the feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs. but i can't find anything that raises me up enough to feel that. diphenhydramine morphs children into nightmares. dextromethorphan makes people fall through the ground and walk through walls the devil himself makes me remember the smell of a church burning down but i've never seen a church burn down perhaps it's just my mind manifesting my thoughts into physical sensations

31

i lay in my bed typing this with one hand on my brand new laptop i think it's getting bad again i'm moving out in 19 days for college i can't get the memories to leave me alone my dad was the one who bought me this laptop as a gift for college i can still feel the touches of the man who couldn't keep his hands off of me i will never be the same my parents pay for EMDR therapy it's expensive it's not covered by insurance i feel guilty i feel like i ruined this family dynamic we don't go to church anymore church is where the man worked church was where i suffered the cold brick wall all the way at the back of the building behind the pews everyone's backs to me as i stood in silence while he ruined me it's time to go to bed maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

0

Jul 21, 2022

Jul 21, 2022 at 11:11 PM UTC

going back down

i lay in my bed typing this with one hand on my brand new laptop i think it's getting bad again i'm moving out in 19 days for college i can't get the memories to leave me alone my dad was the one who bought me this laptop as a gift for college i can still feel the touches of the man who couldn't keep his hands off of me i will never be the same my parents pay for EMDR therapy it's expensive it's not covered by insurance i feel guilty i feel like i ruined this family dynamic we don't go to church anymore church is where the man worked church was where i suffered the cold brick wall all the way at the back of the building behind the pews everyone's backs to me as i stood in silence while he ruined me it's time to go to bed maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

23

at the hands of a holy man, I was taken away I'm not sure what they did with her but she's still gone to this day I don't know if we'll ever find her but be my guest and try and if you do, from me through you, tell her it's ok to cry

0

Jul 21, 2022

Jul 21, 2022 at 2:17 AM UTC

why i no longer attend church

at the hands of a holy man, I was taken away I'm not sure what they did with her but she's still gone to this day I don't know if we'll ever find her but be my guest and try and if you do, from me through you, tell her it's ok to cry

7

1 When I tell you this story, remember it may change: god loves all (but not really). Leviticus 18. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” Leviticus, I don’t like you. You are the reason why people hate us. god makes no mistakes. he is the one who loves all. he who loves all (“unless you’re a ****** 2 Unless you’re a ****** Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. But apparently, we are the sticks. A bundle of sticks. The fuel to your hateful fire (the fire of your demise, not mine). Hate kills. We’ve all seen it happen. June 12, 2016 (only four years ago). Suddenly the pulse stopped beating. 3 Dad. All a kid wants is to make their dad proud. What about when dad isn’t proud of you? What if dad isn’t proud of you all because of something you can’t control? Can you hear me, Dad? I love you. Will you say it back? “The bible says it’s wrong.” 4 Coming out of the closet: a metaphor for LGBT people's self-disclosure of their ****** orientation or of their gender identity (Wikipedia). Hey Dad. Remember when I came out? I cried. Mom yelled at me while you stood there, stoically, with the look of a man who just lost his youngest child. You quietly told me you loved me no matter what because I will always be your daughter. You haven’t said you love me since. 5 Do not use our love as an excuse for you to hate. Why are we the disgusting ones? Your attitude reflects in the eyes of the devil himself. I wish I could make them understand. The love I have for her, he has for him, she has for her. It’s no different than the love she feels for him and he feels for her. We are all the same. God loves us all. God created everyone exactly the way they should be. Love is the basis of this religion, yet you cherry-pick those who you believe are deserving of that love. You attempt to take on the role of a God that is not yours to assume. Only God can judge. God can judge. Can judge. Judge. You are not God. Are not God. Not God. God. I guess things really can get lost in translation. 6 “I don’t hate anyone, I just don’t agree with it. In the bible, it says it’s wrong, and I place my faith in the bible because it is the word of [G]od.” One could argue that’s not hateful. And to any other (“normal”) person, it probably appears fine. “It’s their religion. It’s their beliefs. Just respect it and move on.” But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Can you hear us? Screaming from the pits of hell that you said we were destined to burn in? It’s not the hell you’re thinking of, though. It’s hell on earth. A hell that you created for us through your twisted up version of this religion that’s supposedly based on “love”. One we have to live through every day. “I still love you, but I don’t agree with your choices.” That gets tiring to hear after a while, you know? Replaying on a loop in our heads, day after day, night after night. “I still love you but…” The unacceptance is exhausting our minds. It’s not a choice. Why do you think we’d choose this? Why would we choose to live a life where so many people hate us? 7 June of 2019. I went to Baton Rouge Pride. You drove me, dad. You drove me there and walked in with me. Granted, you didn’t know about me yet, but you went with me anyway. Once you saw that I was with my friends, you left. Mom said you went to get coffee. When I asked why you left, she simply offered that you “just aren’t comfortable with this type of thing”. You’re still not comfortable. Sorry about that. 8 Dear Leviticus. I still don’t like you. You are the reason why people call us ******* You are the reason why people call us ***** You are the reason people think we’re disgusting. You are the reason why people hate us. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” (You are the reason why my dad no longer tells me he loves me.) Thanks god.

0

May 12, 2021

May 12, 2021 at 4:56 PM UTC

god vs. God

1 When I tell you this story, remember it may change: god loves all (but not really). Leviticus 18. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” Leviticus, I don’t like you. You are the reason why people hate us. god makes no mistakes. he is the one who loves all. he who loves all (“unless you’re a ****** 2 Unless you’re a ****** Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. But apparently, we are the sticks. A bundle of sticks. The fuel to your hateful fire (the fire of your demise, not mine). Hate kills. We’ve all seen it happen. June 12, 2016 (only four years ago). Suddenly the pulse stopped beating. 3 Dad. All a kid wants is to make their dad proud. What about when dad isn’t proud of you? What if dad isn’t proud of you all because of something you can’t control? Can you hear me, Dad? I love you. Will you say it back? “The bible says it’s wrong.” 4 Coming out of the closet: a metaphor for LGBT people's self-disclosure of their ****** orientation or of their gender identity (Wikipedia). Hey Dad. Remember when I came out? I cried. Mom yelled at me while you stood there, stoically, with the look of a man who just lost his youngest child. You quietly told me you loved me no matter what because I will always be your daughter. You haven’t said you love me since. 5 Do not use our love as an excuse for you to hate. Why are we the disgusting ones? Your attitude reflects in the eyes of the devil himself. I wish I could make them understand. The love I have for her, he has for him, she has for her. It’s no different than the love she feels for him and he feels for her. We are all the same. God loves us all. God created everyone exactly the way they should be. Love is the basis of this religion, yet you cherry-pick those who you believe are deserving of that love. You attempt to take on the role of a God that is not yours to assume. Only God can judge. God can judge. Can judge. Judge. You are not God. Are not God. Not God. God. I guess things really can get lost in translation. 6 “I don’t hate anyone, I just don’t agree with it. In the bible, it says it’s wrong, and I place my faith in the bible because it is the word of [G]od.” One could argue that’s not hateful. And to any other (“normal”) person, it probably appears fine. “It’s their religion. It’s their beliefs. Just respect it and move on.” But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Can you hear us? Screaming from the pits of hell that you said we were destined to burn in? It’s not the hell you’re thinking of, though. It’s hell on earth. A hell that you created for us through your twisted up version of this religion that’s supposedly based on “love”. One we have to live through every day. “I still love you, but I don’t agree with your choices.” That gets tiring to hear after a while, you know? Replaying on a loop in our heads, day after day, night after night. “I still love you but…” The unacceptance is exhausting our minds. It’s not a choice. Why do you think we’d choose this? Why would we choose to live a life where so many people hate us? 7 June of 2019. I went to Baton Rouge Pride. You drove me, dad. You drove me there and walked in with me. Granted, you didn’t know about me yet, but you went with me anyway. Once you saw that I was with my friends, you left. Mom said you went to get coffee. When I asked why you left, she simply offered that you “just aren’t comfortable with this type of thing”. You’re still not comfortable. Sorry about that. 8 Dear Leviticus. I still don’t like you. You are the reason why people call us ******* You are the reason why people call us ***** You are the reason people think we’re disgusting. You are the reason why people hate us. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” (You are the reason why my dad no longer tells me he loves me.) Thanks god.

17

Poetry is a closet. It’s a hideaway for some An escape for others A road to get out of town You can spill your darkest secrets without the fear of another knowing In the darkness, you feel safe Maybe it’s your way to Narnia Or whatever other enchanted lands you want to visit Poetry could even be your way to escape the closet Telling people your secrets in cryptic ways they can’t understand The darkness hides you from the judgment of others You can write in peace And the only person who can unlock the door is you

0

Oct 18, 2019

Oct 18, 2019 at 7:39 PM UTC

poetry is a closet.

Poetry is a closet. It’s a hideaway for some An escape for others A road to get out of town You can spill your darkest secrets without the fear of another knowing In the darkness, you feel safe Maybe it’s your way to Narnia Or whatever other enchanted lands you want to visit Poetry could even be your way to escape the closet Telling people your secrets in cryptic ways they can’t understand The darkness hides you from the judgment of others You can write in peace And the only person who can unlock the door is you

13

America A country whose streets are paved with gold That gold being opportunity “If I say run, you run.” “If I say hide, you hide.” “If I say swim, you swim.” The journey is a difficult one It is a dangerous and treacherous and gut-wrenching ride People have been lost People will die Just to come to America. Land of the Free** (**some exclusions apply)

0

Oct 30, 2018

Oct 30, 2018 at 2:13 PM UTC

Getting to the Land of the Free**

America A country whose streets are paved with gold That gold being opportunity “If I say run, you run.” “If I say hide, you hide.” “If I say swim, you swim.” The journey is a difficult one It is a dangerous and treacherous and gut-wrenching ride People have been lost People will die Just to come to America. Land of the Free** (**some exclusions apply)

13

gasping for air feeling sick wanting to die wanting to sleep but stay awake at the same time wishing for it stop because when it does you get the greatest feeling of relief for a split second before anxiety consumes you again at the thought of ever having to go through that again but you know you will you know it's not the end this pain and these fears will follow you to your grave

0

May 2, 2018

May 2, 2018 at 10:24 PM UTC

panic attacks

gasping for air feeling sick wanting to die wanting to sleep but stay awake at the same time wishing for it stop because when it does you get the greatest feeling of relief for a split second before anxiety consumes you again at the thought of ever having to go through that again but you know you will you know it's not the end this pain and these fears will follow you to your grave

12

blue what does it mean to you? a color an emotion maybe it even reminds you of a song but do you ever stop and think wonder just a little how blue is seen by other people? or, not just blue, any color at all?

0

May 2, 2018

May 2, 2018 at 1:49 PM UTC

a color..?

blue what does it mean to you? a color an emotion maybe it even reminds you of a song but do you ever stop and think wonder just a little how blue is seen by other people? or, not just blue, any color at all?

10