It’s twelve midnight and I start thinking
About a question once posed to me
“Are you afraid of the ocean?” They asked
Out of curiosity. It tugged at my mask.
Lying on the ocean bed for eons after eons
On my back staring back at the black sky
Lying on the ocean bed till I could take it no more
A millimeter, or two, I tried to open my eyes
Clawing at my neck till gills are born
They said a nebula must collapse for a star to be born
I guess I was the nebula and now I have moved on
Deep underwater, I’m no longer forlorn
The ocean vast and wide with endless opportunities
The ocean where I was sunk in
A dessert made of my blood, sweat and tears
The ocean where I now live
The ocean brings back memories which sometimes
Still make me breathless (I’d forgotten I’ve gills now)
Yes, yes I’m afraid of going back to what I was
Yet, yet I know that I’m no longer lost
It’s twelve midnight and I start breathing
I’ve survived, so it’s time to start living
Feb 6, 2018
Feb 6, 2018 at 8:32 AM UTC
So many things that I’d wish people knew
So many things I’d rather hide away
Throwing my hands up in surrender
As I fall to my back against the beach
Watching the stars make love to the universe
Watching myself dance to fate’s melody
I’d like to tell myself to remember
That I should live life sober
That hurting is not the way out
That pain isn’t the only feeling I know
To not listen to the sea breeze’s calling
To not walk into the ocean’s embrace
Even if I end up at the bottom of the seabed again
Even if all I can do is drown in my memories again
I’d like to tell myself to remember
There’s me waiting on the shore
Waiting for my reflection to get back up
Patiently waiting, till I get back up
Dec 8, 2017
Dec 8, 2017 at 12:10 AM UTC
Moving along the waves
Basking under the moonlight
I still remember your piercing gaze
Which once set my skin alight
Was I in love with you
Or the ”me” with you?
Dec 6, 2017
Dec 6, 2017 at 3:05 AM UTC
Listening to the monotonous droning of the professor's voice
Going on and on becoming white noise
My eyelids growing heavy, like I'm trying to support the sky with my two hands
Vision becoming blurry as I glance around the room
To see your eyes meet mine
Those brown ones so fine
A little shy as we tread this fine line
Where we are on two ends with arms outstretched
Yet not too sure if our intentions matched
I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks
On this morning at ten thirty
The professor goes on and on but all I see is you
Smiling at me in a seminar room
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 12:22 AM UTC
Dipping a sable fur brush into blue
A teal blue the colour of the ocean of my imaginations
A blue I'll sink into
Like how the colour sinks into parchment
A stroke across white, precise and gentle
Like the way your eyes deliver warmth
Like the way I'll sink into the burnt umber of your eyes
I'm gravitating towards you
No matter how I run, no matter how I hide
I still end up with scraped knees
As though I'm addicted to falling
Stroke after stroke, watching the colours bleed together
In patterns beyond imagination
To create a piece just for you and me
Inside my head, locked away
Because I know no matter how I feel
These stories are never real
A blue so vivid yet faded
A brown so simple yet elaborate
Where colours collide on a parchment white
I'll just be blue, a blue ocean night
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 8:12 AM UTC
Staggering to my feet from the icy bathroom floor
One hand raised to shield my swollen red eyes from the
Blinding sunlight filtering through the dew-stained leaves of maple trees
Another hand weakly grabbing onto the porcelain white sink
When a sudden wave of gut-turning nausea caused my knees to buckle
And the white room spun
My vision peppered with phosphenes like holographic dust
My skin drenched in cold sweat
No longer sweet since the day you left me
My blood’s a bitterness you can’t imagine
Nov 26, 2017
Nov 26, 2017 at 7:16 AM UTC
Falling apart from a height
Laying shattered on the ground
Broken shards reflecting light
Casting myriads of hues all around
Is it only then do we realize how beautifully broken we are?
Nov 25, 2017
Nov 25, 2017 at 7:42 AM UTC
And the stars make love to the universe.
Under my breath, I breathed a curse.
Furiously, I rubbed the rainbow off my wrist
maybe if I ignore, all of this will be just a bad dream.
Still I know, my heart beats,
my heart beats for you.
Yet you, sitting with a book in your hand,
eyes focused on the myriad of letters and sentences, the stars in that little universe, the stars in your book,
while the whole outside universe is forgotten.
You are in your own universe
and I stood on the outside of the universe, silently watching,
silent cursing because I didn't want my heart to beat for you.
I cursed because
the stars make love to the universe,
yet I'm not part of your universe.
I curse because
you are so out of my reach.
You are my star,
yet I am down on earth. I look up at the stars
I look back at my star,
and I turned away.
I let my head fall on my desk,
hiding my face, while I contort it, while I use those imaginary scalpels and tweezers to fix my flaws, while I use my invisible vacuum to **** out all these feelings and lock it deep, deep within me.
I raise my head once again,
waking up from the anesthesia,
and I turn away.
I watch the stars make love to the universe in my head.
You sit beside me, silently reading while I sit beside you,
silently cursing.
Nov 21, 2017
Nov 21, 2017 at 12:07 AM UTC
One foot over another, another after another
I could feel the coolness against my feet
Under my weight the grains compress
As I walk, following an unknown beat
A look behind caught sight of the wave
Erasing my tracks on the summer beach
Once, I left my mark on your heart
But I guess you’ve erased it when we part
I lay down on my back, breathing in the sea breeze
A heart empty, my mind drifting
Like a raft alone in the vast ocean
Drifting without an end in sight
It’s cool and calm, and I could hear the ocean speak
Like an autumn leaf falling to the ground
Reddish brown hues all around
If you didn’t look closely you wouldn’t know
Which leaf had last fallen
When I had disappeared into the crowd
I used to like falling, mindless falling into the arms of strangers
Dangling my heart for others to see, pouring my thoughts out of me
I guess the game was too easy
And now I keep the words in me
Pretty words for myself to read
A loneliness like a single fir tree
Withstanding winter alone in the falling snow
If you didn’t look closely you wouldn’t know
Where it was under the blanket of snow
Nov 18, 2017
Nov 18, 2017 at 11:21 AM UTC
I know, I know
It's just an infatuation
It's just borne of a biological need to find a partner of an opposite gender
An animalistic need to procreate
I know, I know
It's just a theory
The idea of soulmates, finding The One
A story made up by lovesick poets
Feeding childhood dreams
I know all this
At the back of my hand
Yet, deep down inside
There's a girl sitting on a cliff
Staring down at the stream leading to a river leading to the endless ocean
Waiting for that One Day
Where her breath would be stolen
Where dreams would be realized
Where nothing would make sense
And everything would be nonsense
There's a girl living in made-up fantasies
Drawing cloud castles in the air
Collecting stars in a jar as a night lamp
Listening to the voices in the breeze
When soulmates meet
When I'll be consumed by your unconditional love
When I'll meet you
A lovely dream it'll be
The day you find me
Oct 17, 2017
Oct 17, 2017 at 10:39 AM UTC