"Stop, don't feel that," I think sharply;
As though I can control mind and
Heart-what a joke, it's like catching
Salt from a pile of sprinkled sand.
"I'm in love," I snide from within,
Yet the pressure boils steady
And I can't help but yearn in such
Overweighing, cold agony.
"Don't look"- my eyes dart straight to him
While the guilt overflows my chest,
Setting the butterflies ablaze,
A raging fire in this mess
That I created at first sight.
"He isn't anything you like,"
I try but I know it'll fail;
It's true but this attraction's spike
Still cuts through like a sharpened blade.
"You love him more and he loves her",
Despite the honesty it held,
The reality was ******
He has his troubles with his love
And although feelings might be on
One side, this emotion can't be
Shaken; innocence has foregone.
Two options remain: wait and see
Or shut my eyes and feel it bleed.
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 11:24 PM UTC
I spent the fall
writing poems about how
to get over the hole in my chest.
And I, honest-to-god, burned them all
in a rickety old fireplace
because I no longer wanted to hold onto you.
I cried over the ashes.
I spent the winter
pouring myself into wine glasses
and falling into the beds of strangers that smelt
of stale smoke and memories
of the people that once completed us.
*I don't know if I miss you,
or
if I miss the girl I was when I was with you*
I spent the spring
drowning myself in a boy
whose hazel eyes reminded me of yours
and whose hands fit perfectly around my waist
and, if I was drunk enough,
and sad enough,
between his ***** sheets,
I could hear your voice whispering my name.
*I broke his heart unapologetically,
just to know what it'd be like to
be on the other side.*
I spent the summer
in a white-washed building
that was supposedly meant to make me less sad.
But I've learnt that there are no sanitariums
that can erase memories.
So I'll sit here,
listening to songs about getting better,
in hopes that one day,
I'll get there too.
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 8:20 PM UTC
I've been trying to write what I feel
for such a long time
but the paper stays blank.
I've only just realised
that the blank paper
describes my feelings
more than words ever could.
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 8:13 PM UTC
some nights i want to disappear
into the white sheets of a bed
that no longer remembers the scents
of lovers with hurried breaths
and trembling fingertips
other nights i lay awake
looking out of the frosted glass
into the world i'm supposed to be a part of
and i remember what you said to me
that night before you left.
"you're so detached from everything"
i realize now that you loved me
wholeheartedly.
but it was me that was like a broken clock
constantly ticking away at seconds
that had passed eons ago.
i was always the girl that lived
in her fading memories
and i didn't realize how deep
in my own head i was
until the door slammed shut
in your wake.
i realize now that you can't
really love someone
as much as you can miss them.
i'm a shell of the girl you once knew
and i don't blame you for leaving
because if i were in your shoes,
i too, would leave the girl
with hollow eyes
and whispering poetry.
there is no beauty in pain.
i know that now.
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 7:58 PM UTC
i am tired of building
my home in the arms
of strangers that vaguely
resemble your outline.
Aug 23, 2014
Aug 23, 2014 at 6:57 PM UTC