We've decided we're waiting.
You shouldn't have given me a time frame because now I'm going to count down the days. These weeks will be spent trying not to think about being with you.
Still,
I can't get those memories out of my head.
Our arms brushing against each other as we browse stores.
Your arm around my waist.
Spending an entire afternoon together wordless.
Your hand on the waistband of my jeans.
The feeling of your moans in my mouth.
One last kiss before we get out of bed.
Your hand grabbing mine as we walk to your car.
We've gone two months without seeing each other. This shouldn't be any different, but it is. Then, we were expecting to see each other.
Now, we have a rough deadline.
You could have left it open-ended, and I would have moved on.
All I have to hold on to is today.
The feeling of you on the opposite end of the couch and how immense the space in between us felt.
The lack of eye contact.
Your loss for words.
Our agreement of terms.
Some light banter.
Me catching your gaze for a few fleeting seconds.
Me trying my hardest to resist the urge to kiss you.
The walk to your car.
Your strong embrace before you got into your car.
Me resisting the urge to turn around
and watch you leave.
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 12:05 AM UTC
I drank a lot of *****
I don't feel as bad
because it's in a fancy glass
and it looks like wine
when it's mixed with cranberry juice,
but I drank a lot of *****
Oct 13, 2018
Oct 13, 2018 at 10:39 PM UTC
If I had a dollar for every time they said no to me,
I could actually afford this ****** education.
"Has anyone ever told you that you couldn't do it?"
Well, no;
not directly.
But they don't need to say it.
I hear it every time they say no.
They've stopped even telling me no.
They simply shut me down waiting for me to find out from some secondary source.
Why should I believe in myself?
It leads nowhere.
What does believing in myself get me besides disappointment?
All it does it give me hope when I have nothing to hope for.
They don't say it out loud;
They leave a paper trail.
Apr 26, 2018
Apr 26, 2018 at 10:53 PM UTC
It's happening again.
My voice is gone.
My eyes feel too big for my skull.
I open my mouth and all I can manage is a whisper.
My throat is too tight.
I try to push through, but I fall deeper than before.
If I don't try, I can't fail.
Aug 18, 2017
Aug 18, 2017 at 12:45 PM UTC
I'm afraid.
Afraid of these feelings that are starting to surface.
Whenever I've let them out before,
I've been left with them dragging behind me,
slowly being ripped to pieces.
If they don't exist,
You'll stay around.
I ruin everything by having feelings.
Feelings can't get hurt if they don't exist.
It can't hurt if you feel nothing at all.
Aug 2, 2017
Aug 2, 2017 at 11:02 AM UTC
Rainstorms of rhymes
echo in mind.
They tickle senses
giving steps momentum.
They whisper in ears
to dance with umbrella closed.
Rainstorms of Rhythms
open consciousness.
They launch dreams that vibrate
behind thunderous clouds.
And when music ceases,
to radiate in cells for new starts
a gift appears-
A Rainbow Heart.
StarBG © 2017
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 11:59 AM UTC
A different person, but the same thing.
He's not you, but you aren't either.
It's not his fault;
The disappointment nor the hurt.
The memories aren't his either.
All of this has a hint of you in it,
But that's not you anymore.
At least, I hope not.
The feeling has moved to another person,
And all I want is to see you.
Jul 21, 2017
Jul 21, 2017 at 12:47 PM UTC
I'm sitting here talking to someone who isn't you thinking of that night in your car.
You glanced over at me gazing at the sky above reuniting with music I had forgotten about.
I wasn't paying much attention, but I still remember your words,
"Happy looks good on you"
Jul 19, 2017
Jul 19, 2017 at 1:32 AM UTC
I’m sad because you aren’t here.
I’m sad because you’re supposed to be my friend.
I’m sad because you cancel all our plans.
I’m sad because you don’t talk to me.
I’m sad because you don’t look at me when I’m there.
I’m sad because they all tell me to give up on you.
I’m sad because they tell me I don’t deserve this.
I’m sad because they tell me I can do better.
I’m sad because I can’t let go.
I’m sad because you make me happy.
I’m sad because you aren’t there.
I’m sad because I can’t believe your promises.
I’m sad because I’m left behind.
I’m sad because you make me sad.
Jul 17, 2017
Jul 17, 2017 at 1:31 PM UTC
I wrote you a note at 5 am,
you read it,
with no reply.
Before you left you asked for a picture of the two of us.
I made a joke and we laughed through the pictures.
But all that I could think about was
how it felt to have your arm around me.
It was holding me,
as I held you.
I wish I could go back to that moment,
but it's gone.
When we said our goodbyes,
it hurt so much.
I wanted to tell you so many things,
but time was running out.
I hugged you so many times,
you thought it was strange.
As soon as you walked away,
my heart felt empty;
I missed your presence already.
We touched hands as you drove away
in that big green van.
I ran after you,
as did other friends.
But you were gone.
I can still see your eyes gazing into mine,
and your oh so sweet smile;
but you're gone.
Nowhere to be seen.
Jul 17, 2017
Jul 17, 2017 at 12:00 AM UTC