Thinking about all the times I said yes
Just to make others happy
Now everyone seems to have forgotten
That my life is my own.
This is why they don't teach you to say no-
So that you can't say it to their face
When the time comes.
They've been raising me like a pig for slaughter.
I guess I should've known better.
Should've spoken up.
Should've acted out.
Should've stomped my feet and yelled "NO!"
Gotten a tattoo, smoked some ****
Said I'll do whatever the **** I need.
But no one ever told me
Being a good girl never does any good.
You just miss out on what the world has to offer
End up putting a stopper on your anger
Like trapping a genie in a bottle.
And guess what?
The genie ends up
Developing its own Stockholm Syndrome.
You get trained with treats like a dog
Sit, stay, fetch!
All the while putting a leash on your collar
When you're not looking.
It's a bit of a stretch, you say?
You're right.
Having a teen rebel phase in your twenties is not cool.
What can I say?
I've always been a little slow.
But now it feels like life is on hold forever.
I've handed the keys over
And locked myself in.
Within my head is no longer
A good place to escape to.
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 5:12 AM UTC
there's a storm raging
outside and one on the inside.
the worst seen
in seven years, they say.
but all i can think about
is you're 151 kilometers away
and i hope i hope i hope
the wind that touches me
has touched you first
on its way here.
May 20, 2020
May 20, 2020 at 2:10 PM UTC
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 2:41 AM UTC
I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME
I like to say
your name
when you're
not here
turn you
into sound
conjure you out of
thin air
so that you appear
before me
dressed in sound
only
memory sketching in
the rest of you
as if sound
was just an outline
and love
colours you in
adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.
"Hello you..!"
and there you are
as present
as present
can be.
I like to say
your name
when you're
not there.
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 2:40 AM UTC
To my back sit the stars
Under my feet lie the clouds
An endless staircase rises both ways
I breathe the clouds
I feel the void on my neck
Sit with me on the steps
Talk a while
Labors of my love came today
And I had to go away
Do not grieve the loss
It was always meant to be
I'll return to the skies
Where walls of captivity cease to be
Change has arrived
Birthing pain of a new day
It is growing late
The stairs go both ways
I sit on the steps
My final wait
Weaving stars and galaxies.
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 2:39 AM UTC
I always thought that you
Were a god of some kind.
Which is ironic, since
I don't believe in those.
But for you, my love
I'm even willing to kneel before
Him, and pray.
May 19, 2020
May 19, 2020 at 2:13 AM UTC
I know how the fairytale goes.
Nobody wants the dragon
Guarding the tower.
They want the Princess
They can save.
But I have scales for skin
And I breathe fire
Through my fangs.
Don't assume I won't
Eat you for dinner
And use your bones
To pick my teeth.
May 14, 2020
May 14, 2020 at 2:53 PM UTC
I can see the rest of my life
Stretched out before me like a vast, barren landscape.
An exquisite panorama of nothingness.
Day after day melt into one another,
A continuum of mundane activities.
I can close my eyes and pick out
Any day and it will not be
Any different from the rest. Looking back,
I can see the bones of my hopes
Lying behind me. Shameless in their nakedness.
All my mistakes scattered
here and there, monuments to my failures.
And there's loneliness.
Loneliness like a little child
Chained to my waist,
Keeping me company.
I dream it will turn into a balloon
And fly away from me.
But let's be real here
We all know that is not to be.
There the future awaits
In the distant horizon, hazy as a mirage.
If I follow the trajectory of history
I can see I've already crossed the highest point.
My glory days mock me from behind-
"It's all a downward slope from here."
I can already feel my
Bones buckling under the weight
Of expectations.
So I lay down my weapons
And close my eyes.
Turn up the volume, turn off the lights.
I will turn this barren land
Into my utopia, in my sleep.
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 9:48 AM UTC
I like this little game we're playing. His subtle hints,
My coy replies. Hide and seek and hide and seek
and hide- how long until one of us gets caught?
Does he really think
He can lure me in with his careless facade?
I'm not a hungry child anymore
Glimpses of sugarsweet treats don't
Fool me.
"Want to win my favor? Worship me", I say to him.
"Offer blood at my altar."
Meekness does little to impress me.
Countless have sacrificed
Their all to win me over
But to no avail.
I have burned long enough to
Give myself away at the slightest hint of agony.
Apr 26, 2020
Apr 26, 2020 at 1:00 PM UTC
You think you can outrun me?
I keep my demons as pets.
Running is not an option
And hiding will be of no help.
The only way to survive
Is to surrender.
Let yourself be devoured
And see how I remold you
Into the glorious creature
You were born to be.
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 1:30 PM UTC