Childhood innocence
Endless imagination and
Enchanted memories
Never stop to think about
Impermanence
Several years later those same warm eyes
Holding hands and
Laughing and
A breath of cigarette smoke
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 12:58 AM UTC
I want to smoke my lungs to ash
I want to scream and open up my ******* veins
I want to bleed and know that this will be the last time
And as the life leaves my body
I’ll sigh and hope you’re okay
It never was your fault anyway
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 12:55 AM UTC
oh lord how she is grace and beauty
oh devil how he is strong and tender
she is the water and the sky
he is the fire and the ground
her smoothness softness valleys and rolling hills caressed by the moon
his roughness sharpness ridges and hard lines forged in the sun
she is my calm my love my shelter
he is my excitement my passion my adventure
she takes me down slow and enfolds me in her gentle soothing light
he brings me up higher higher riding a wave of fire through the night
oh lord how she is soft and lovely
oh devil how he is vibrant and invincible
Nov 10, 2016
Nov 10, 2016 at 11:35 PM UTC
To be quite honest this
Concept is strange to
Me I'm just
Myself but
To others my
Mind is abnormal
I ponder things other
Couldn't care less about
I understand concepts most
People ignore
And yet
I feel stupid quite often
Much of my mind is unexplored
I daren't venture into the
Cavernous chambers of
Scorn I have for myself and
Those who aren't intelligent because
Who am I to think myself
Superior to anyone?
Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
High expectations
So many limitations
Is there any way to go
When my mind is always racing
I'm chasing a life I was not born into
Statistically one I'll never achieve
Chest heaving
Hands shaking
I've got to get out of my head
These thoughts of my mortality
Will be what makes my end
Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 10:12 PM UTC
Each day begins with
The type of thoughts that
I’d rather not disclose because
You may think i’m ****** or
Just kind of indisposed
I read somewhere the gene for
Artistry carries a Foe
A higher predisposition for these
Thoughts that make me groan and
Some say this disordered thinking simply
Means I’m contemplative even
Intelligent or
Just closed off to the thought of being
Content
Aint that a word
The idea to be content to be
Ok with all the things i’ve done
Satisfied with my work enough to
Say it’s good enough?
No not something i can do
As an Artist I spend my days lying in
Contempt of my own mind
Brilliantly undefined to the point of
Madness
Painting for hours on end
Looking up when the suns gone down
Massaging numbness from cold fingers
Writing pages by lamplight
Tearing papers in frustration
Whitewashing paintings in a fit of
Inadequacy
As an Artist
Nothing you do will ever be the best
Not even your best
A constant crushing cacaphony of all the potential and possibilities
If youre like me you know
Every second you’re betraying your own potential to do better
Every moment not improving is a moment disrespecting
What you were given
But every moment working to improve is hellish
Scrapping line after line of useless poetry and
Smudged up paintings
Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016 at 11:18 PM UTC
The empty expanses of echoing thought
My mind quaking and shaking and break-
-ing
How can one say this is innocuous teenage angst?
These lines only express to the power of the words I know how to put in them
My world is abuzz with a cacophony of noises
Each one of them violently wrenching me out
Out of this calm I made for myself
Out of the focused escapism I constructed here
Out of the menial meandering monotonous tasks
A blow to my skull all at once
I sit dazed and unfocused once again
All the senses overwhelmed once again
My head spinning, tornado, once again
I try to wrench myself back but they’ve cut the string
I’m left here ‘til the next time
The next time it all fades away
The next time it all makes sense
The next time i'm one of them
If only for a fleeting bit of time
If only for a single task completed
If only for a moment’s respite
To be like one of them is to be half myself
But in their world half myself is twice myself
Can I ever hope to understand why they desire to live as if nothing is happening?
To be like one of them is to be someone else
To be like one of them is to be enough
And yet to be like one of them is to give up
So much of myself denies the desire to be like them, and so much of me wants nothing more.
Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016 at 10:49 PM UTC
I sit here clenching my fists
Staring at this paper unwelcoming
Blank can mean a lot of things but today I cant think
I cant stay alive
I’m sorry friend I need to **** my mind
This paper in front of me as blank as my plans for the future
and every time I try to draw its as sloppy and flawed as my actions
every word I try to write is hectic and frenzied like my thoughts
and I’ve abandoned all meaning all meter and rhyme no longer separated into lines individual but a mass like the demons that corner me when im least expecting like the pain in my teeth when the novocaine wore off I didnt know didnt expect i knew it was coming but i was writhing when it hit just like this and i cant get my mind to slow the ebb and flow because this tornado is killing me the meds dont do much I cant take it much longer!
May 1, 2016
May 1, 2016 at 3:12 AM UTC
I find myself breaking down again
time and time again I remember the flaws
the mistakes and the lies
I spiral and lie in denial
i'm on trial in my mind for the crimes i've committed
but no, wait, this isn't my doing
the demon inside of me trying to win,
its goal to vanquish and I wanna give in,
the only way to triumph,
the only way to get by,
is to begin to recognize when its me
and when it's my demons
they whisper and taunt
and tell me to die
sometimes it's hard
I don't know how to cope sometimes
I don't know how to trust
It takes all I have sometimes
Just to continue this ******* waste of a life
May 1, 2016
May 1, 2016 at 2:21 AM UTC
These hands of mine are shaking violent
Quaking as tidal waves of doubt wash through me
My insecurities eat me up inside as I try
To tell you how I feel like I’m not real and
How I know that if I were to go away
You wouldn’t know any better than if I stayed
And if I cry I might as well
Just tell you about the hell I’m
Living in because my tears show
What my eyes and mouth will never tell they hold
The remnants of my innocent soul and
That’s not something I have much left of due to
The pain I’ve been in all these years the
Suicidal thoughts the ideation all the
Lies and trials and tribulations I’ve
Had to go through all alone
But it was really by choice now
Wasn’t it when I said
That I was fine
And didn’t let you in my mind
I say it was because I felt
Too insecure to share too anxious
To speak of all my thoughts as if
It was Pandora’s box for
The evil in my brain
So instead my hands shake and you ask me
Why do they tremble when all the wind is gone
And it is silent
And I close my eyes to block the tears and tell you just
As those we love are with us
So is all the fear of
Yesterday it was dark and windy and raining and storming
And all around me there were demons howling and I was
Crying and screaming and bleeding but it was me
My fault
I choked
Apr 28, 2016
Apr 28, 2016 at 11:39 PM UTC