There must be a poison in your breathe
A spore that plants itself in my throat each time we talk
Enough to make a garden bloom- flowers that fill up my lungs and pop up through my eyes when I look at you
I urge to pluck the butterflies that crowd in my chest and set them free around your head, so maybe you'll understand the effect you have on me
I'll give you the bees that buzz through my mind when your hand brushes up against my own
And the tree trunks that settle in my legs when the distance between us once again grows
But this garden inside of me,
It overflows with a poison edge that stings through my body
Like tiny knives that grow on trees, digging in my skin, letting out a strangled cry with each time my eyes lock with yours
A flood washes away all the flowers in my eyes, and fall steadily down, hanging on my eyelashes until I am forced to recognize they've been unrooted
The butterflies drip down like hot wax, burning my throat and lungs until smoke begins to billow out of my mouth and strangle me
And the bees burrow into my brain, stinging as they go, filling my mind with barbed wire until it feels like my skull is not big enough to handle the mass suicide taking place in the furrows of my mind
I cry out in pain
I beg of you, why does it feel like the only thing left alive in me is my pain
But you're already gone
Leaving me to cut out the dead tree trunks that have settled in my legs
Oct 23, 2013
Oct 23, 2013 at 2:13 AM UTC
In spring of 2013
I stopped going to school
I left homework in my backpack and brought it back to school undone
I wore large frumpy shirts
And covered my legs whenever I wore shorts
Sometimes I had to leave class before the tears came
Other times I put my hair over my face and hoped no one would notice
My bed became my haven
Being alone my only solace
Now it's September of 2013
And I go to school everyday
I do my homework in class and in the library
I wear whatever I want
I stay in class the whole period
And I am able to wear my hair up in high ponytails
But still
I find myself just as desolate and hopeless as I was 5 months ago
Sep 11, 2013
Sep 11, 2013 at 2:25 AM UTC
You know I cried in class twice in the last week
And that I've frequently been wearing shirts with an unnecessary amount of sleeves
Sometimes I find it hard to realize that my problems don't envelope you like they do me
I forget that emotional sickness doesn't travel through a breath or a touch
It's so easy to forget scars when they aren't yours
Please keep me in your prayers
Aug 14, 2013
Aug 14, 2013 at 3:39 AM UTC
somewhere between the fog in San Francisco
and the sun rise in Costa Rica,
i realized:
you're smile doesn't compare to the exhilarating feeling of being in a cloud during a lightning storm
and the feeling of your arms around me won't stop the humidity from clinging to my skin.
life goes on without your love
and I'm not sorry for realizing that
Jul 8, 2013
Jul 8, 2013 at 12:27 AM UTC
I thought I was special to you
your 1 in 7 billion
And it didn't matter that the rest of the world considered me just another face
As long as you treated me like I was heaven
But it turns out I was wrong
I'm 2 in 7 billion
And you treat her just like she's heaven too.
Jun 8, 2013
Jun 8, 2013 at 11:19 PM UTC
It's 3:45 in the morning and I can feel my heart beat rack my body
My pulse is fast and tense; no more sleep for me
It's ironic that the only time it slowed down to a sleeping rate
Was when I thought about stopping it permanently
Jun 7, 2013
Jun 7, 2013 at 6:42 AM UTC
My sadness is a toxin
Of which I'm fully infected
It shows in the bags on my eyes
The cuts on my skin
The bruises on my face
I breathe it every day
When I skip a meal
Or skip a class
(When you think about it, there's so many things to skip in a life)
I feel it in my bones, my chest, my heart
Weighing me down; suffocating under sheer pressure
I've tried to cure myself
With conversation, medication, psycho-analyzation
But the sickness prevales; it's already latched into my lungs
My sadness is a toxin
Of which I want no one else to breathe in
Jun 4, 2013
Jun 4, 2013 at 10:54 PM UTC
I'm drowning under my sheer mediocrity
My ability to confound all talent into an average work
The ambition which drives me
Lessened by the hollow sense of inadequate-ness
That seems to breathe on my neck
At every hour of the day
May 29, 2013
May 29, 2013 at 12:56 AM UTC
We flourished in the rain like stars spring up in the night
All those wet kisses that the sky could never wash away
And the jackets we shared, just to keep our arms from soaking wet
The cuddled days in solitude
While we let the clouds hide us; be our fort for the hour
One day, the sun came out
Confusing us like children who never understand death when they see it
And suddenly; there’s no need for the jackets that intertwined our scents together
Or the days spent playing house under the low hanging rain
There was only a need to shed our gloomy coats and watered down love
And to stop building forts out of clouds.
May 29, 2013
May 29, 2013 at 12:10 AM UTC