It is just ***
Mind blowing, face numbing, intimate, electric, (just) ***
The initial love bombing has been slowly replaced by 2am 'u awake?' messages. The every-other-day phone calls are replaced by no-contact, unless you're *****
And I came to realise that for you, it's just ***
But the way you flirt with the coffee girl, the way you look past me when we're around anyone else, the way you treat me like a one-off fling instead of something special like you did at the start, is starting to hurt.
So I need to keep reminding myself, that it's just ***
Keep reminding myself not to get attached to this emotionally immature man. This man who 'doesn't do commitment'. This man who flirts with every pretty woman he sees. This man who can't keep his **** in his pants for anyone.
It's just ***
Dec 20, 2023
Dec 20, 2023 at 5:29 PM UTC
You fed me the dream on a golden spoon
Empty promises of a future, of love unknown to me
Began basing my worth on your touch and the words you spoke
Sprinkling fake love on me like tacky confetti
Getting it stuck in my hair, my clothes, my heart
Until I can’t clean it off
It still clings to my skin and I scratch myself raw
Blood dripping down my legs as I try to tell myself I was delusional
That the words that fell off your tongue weren’t that deep
But it’s not fair
That you made me feel hopefully and wanted and cherished
And then disappeared when I needed you the most
Not to hear from you for weeks until it was convenient for you
The hour long conversations turned to passing comments
The gentle affection turning to meaningless *** in the back room
I turn from your muse to your toy
Because you know you’ve got me hooked and I can’t walk away from you
And I hate it
This love bomb you dropped on me without sticking around to clean up your destruction has destroyed me again
And I’m left to pick up the pieces of my heart and stick them together again haphazardly
So that maybe
Maybe
One day
I will believe someone’s promises again
Nov 7, 2023
Nov 7, 2023 at 2:57 AM UTC
These thighs will not part like the Red Sea for a man who thinks he is a god.
These thighs, this stomach is too large, too soft for men to appreciate
That they are my body.
They are what keeps me alive.
My thighs carry me.
They carry this precious body where it must go.
My stomach nourishes me,
Keeps me full and sustained.
I have stopped making everything about me an apology.
This body is mine,
It is me.
Although it often feels fuckable and but not loveable,
I have now stopped longing for boys who only loved my skinny and started longing for better.
This body was not made for a man.
It was made to support my through my success, comfort me when I cry, hold me when I am weak.
I am still learning to love my body, but I no longer accept unsolicited comments on how I am ‘soft’, and ‘cuddly’.
I am getting there.
Nov 21, 2021
Nov 21, 2021 at 11:41 PM UTC
I hang the flowers he bought me from the stems when the petals turn brown.
They slowly lose their colour and shrink in size, collapsing onto themselves.
The slightest touch could turn the petals to dust.
Maybe I am a dried flower,
Fragile,
Dull,
An unremarkable memory,
Purely kept for decoration and nothing more.
Nov 21, 2021
Nov 21, 2021 at 11:36 PM UTC
Kind eyes,
Gentle hands.
A smile that could melt the ice caps,
A voice that could calm a storm.
He is my happy place.
I am not worthy of his generosity, his affection.
I am always three steps behind him, but he lifts me up and makes me feel whole again.
He is everything I have ever dreamed of, that fairytale love you wish for.
I want to linger on his pages a little longer.
Fire lives in his kiss, and he smoulders on my lips long after he has touched them.
Loving him is the most natural feeling I’ve ever had.
In his arms I blossom, and together we are wildflowers drenched in sun.
He is the type of man love songs are written about.
His purity is too good for this world, too good for me, yet I am blessed to have him as my person.
The one I will love forever and grow old with, the one I will watch the seasons change with.
He is my one,
The only one I will ever want.
Nov 21, 2021
Nov 21, 2021 at 11:35 PM UTC
I don’t understand my brain.
I have grown up with so much love in my life, I have been taught to be strong, independent, confident.
Yet I am always hunting for validation.
I place my self worth within other people and how I can make them feel, what I can do for them.
I know in my heart that I don’t need a man - I don’t need anyone to be happy.
But my heart just desires affection and intimacy and I cannot stop it.
I can feel it happening - I start overthinking their reply times, overanalysing change of tone. Wondering if they’re thinking of me - or another beautiful girl.
I just crave love and warmth, and I hate it when I hurt myself by setting my expectations to high. I break my own heart over and over again, because of someone who just doesn’t like me that much (and has no real reason to either).
I get so attached so quickly and it stings,
Burns my brain and dissolves my heart like battery acid.
I need to learn to give myself validation - I do know my worth and I love myself.
But somewhere deep in my subconscious I am screaming for someone to love me.
Maybe I just want someone to make me as happy as I make them?
Or maybe I just know what I deserve and it hurts to be treated as less.
I want to be a priority.
I want to be a best friend.
I want to be a confidant.
I want to be a lover.
I want to be a muse.
I want to be somebodies happiness, somebodies sunrise and sunset.
Nov 21, 2021
Nov 21, 2021 at 11:31 PM UTC
A,
It is so hard to explain how much I really do love you.
You will forever by my soulmate, my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime.
You are an absolute blessing, and have made my life so much brighter every single day.
I am so proud of everything you have done, do, and will do in the future.
You are living your dream and I am so happy to see that, and to be able to call you my sister.
But I hope that in the future, you will find someone that loves you as much as I do and nothing less.
Someone that loves you unconditionally,
Who supports everything you do,
And makes your life better.
I want you to find a love that makes your soul say ‘oh, there you are. I’ve been waiting for you’.
I want you to find a love that reminds you what butterflies feel like, that that reminds you that you can be homesick for people too.
Like a friendship on fire.
Someone who is 100% for you, always.
You are not an option, you are not a second choice.
You are the best anyone could ever have, and they only deserve that if they love you as brightly as the sun burns, as gently as the ocean kisses the shore, and strong as the mountains stand.
You deserve everything good in this world, and you should never settle for less.
I know that you know your worth, but let me remind you. You are an absolute catch.
You are beautiful. You are kind, generous, exciting, adventurous, funny, fun, empathetic, strong.
You love so deeply and care so much.
Your spirit is so fully and pure.
Any man would be so lucky, so god **** honoured you call you his.
You are the one for someone, and it hurts to see you go through so much heartbreak to find them.
But eventually you will, and it will be the greatest love the galaxies have ever seen.
The love that is meant to be will not pass you by, and what will be, will be.
You have everything this universe has to offer, and until you find someone worthy of your soul I will be here, steadfast, to love you.
-L
Nov 21, 2021
Nov 21, 2021 at 11:25 PM UTC
Right person, wrong time.
All of the things I wish I could’ve told you.
From the minute I met you, I knew I would love you for the rest of my life.
Sitting up on that hill with you,
In the dusk,
The summer warmth still lingering.
Looking at you that day, I just knew you were my person.
It broke my heart how little time we had together.
I cried in the car on the way home,
Mourning what could’ve been.
A few days later,
After sleepless nights and crying until my body was bone-dry and numb,
My phone screen lit up.
It was you.
My heart flew into my throat and I froze.
You went out of your way to find me,
And I guess you felt the same as I did in that moment of your life.
We spoke day and night,
You were all I wanted to pay attention to for such a long time.
Waiting for you at the train station that day was the most scared I have ever been in my life.
As soon as you came up to me and enveloped me in your arms,
Everything melted away.
I was home.
I could’ve spent all day with you,
Talking to you,
Kissing you,
Just watching you.
Trying to entrain every part of your being into my brain,
As to not forget a thing.
When you shouted from the train that you love me as you were leaving,
Everything came crashing down again.
You were leaving me,
And I couldn’t handle it.
I was young and I was stupid and I was hurting because I couldn’t be with you,
So I began to self destruct.
I pushed you away and I hurt you so you would leave me on your own accord.
In the process,
I hurt you more than I ever wished,
And I regret that every day.
I wish I could’ve held on,
I wish I couldn’t pulled myself together for you and made it work,
Because it would’ve been so worth it.
But I was weak
And I broke.
I love you,
I have since the minute I met you,
And I will forever.
Being alone scares me,
But what scares me more is the thought that I may never get the chance to love you like you always deserved.
I will always be here, quietly supporting you and rooting for you to find your happiness,
I just hope that one day I can share that happiness with you.
Not a day passes where you don’t cross my mind.
All my love, forever.
23.10.2015 - ♾
- L
May 10, 2021
May 10, 2021 at 3:58 AM UTC
The thought of ‘the one’ has overtaken my mind the past few days.
Is my person
The boy I met on the coast,
Wind swept,
Ocean eyes.
Is it the guy I found
At every house party,
Every single one,
And made sure we kissed each other as much as we could while using the excuse of alcohol.
The man who took me into the garden,
Onto a power box up the road where it was quiet,
And took my hand,
Ran his fingers through my hair,
And kissed the breath out of my chest?
I think I know.
May 10, 2021
May 10, 2021 at 3:40 AM UTC
You pretend I'm beautiful so that you can tell your friends that I am.
You pretend I'm beautiful to please yourself, but I'm not beautiful.
I'm like poetry.
I am unbalanced and messy and confused and sad and dark and powerless.
But I act soft and beautiful to please you.
And even though you know it's wrong you go along with it.
I am not words on a page, I am not a sentence strung together with misplaced syllables and adjectives.
I am broken bones and scraped knees and tangled hair and an aching mind.
I want to be gorgeous and stunning and flawless but I just can't be.
The fact is, that my mind is a mess and I can't hold myself up with both hands while trying to drag you along on my 'fairy-tale'.
I am lost.
Lost within this messed up world.
I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to, nowhere I actually belong.
I want to tell you about my flaws, about how my imperfections are holding me back from something truly beautiful, but I don't want to inconvenience you with my issues.
So i write and I always knew salt water was never good for ink and typing this up is difficult because the words i scrawled down the other night are warped and distorted into angry, deep blue blobs of nothing.
They have been ruined by the hate and the sadness that only my heart can hold.
But I always write in ink so then you can't erase it, just like I can't erase the stupid love messages you carved into my heart until they were believable.
And I guess that salt water was never good for you either. Because whenever I pressed into you with those emotions running down my cheeks you pulled away slightly, and held me looser.
So I tried to pretend that my tears were really just ***** of happiness
Dipped in salt.
That my sadness was happiness disguised in a black coat.
And now all I really want is to be the poetry you want me to be.
I want to be the fresh flowers in the vase,
I want to be the towel, straight out of the dryer,
I want to be the clean sheets on a bed.
I want to be fresh and clean and soft and pretty for you.
But I just can't.
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019 at 8:08 PM UTC