Take a step, step back
The view is wilted,
distorts the sound waves
To shake
That echo from my fingertips
I grip tight to anything tangible
I can’t let go, I’m terrified
My balance will knock me
Off this shelf, I’ve felt
Too much, too fast, to breathe
Deep, it gets caught
In between
My nerves, overworked
Climb up my spine
Head spin, I’m drowning
In racing thoughts
No signals or stop signs
They collide and intersect
No safe bet, I get lost
Space, space out
I need space to get out
This anarchy inside of me
Tearing synapses, replace them
With calluses
Overwhelmed and underfed
My head revolves around the moon.
So small and tangled
I don’t think I will ever break free
These handcuffs are cold
And tight
And taunting
This spin I’m in// I’m over it
My balance has got the best of me.
Feb 17, 2021
Feb 17, 2021 at 11:55 AM UTC
I will never know what it’s like to fly
I was born with broken wings.
The clouds hover above
And mock me with their weightlessness.
I’d give anything to feel anything
Again.
These chains cut into my calloused skin
The pain is comforting
Fills my lungs
with resentment and smoke
I choke on your narcissism
Instead
The freckles in your iris
Arrange themselves
Aimless and aiming to break free
As if distance equals escape
The water covers every inch of my flesh
I can’t drown it out
And I can’t float
I don’t belong
Anywhere.
Aug 22, 2020
Aug 22, 2020 at 11:34 AM UTC
The breeze screams my name
Shame persists, I’m all of it
Sickened and bitter
Broken//
Artificial
Dig deep, fractured glass
Dissect and scavenge
I found a way back.
The clocks been broken,
But it won’t stop spinning
I’m suffocating underneath your weight.
The silence rings
Brings out the catastrophe
Howls in my head
Exhausted, restless
I can’t seem to leave.
Feed me white noise
& sedatives
I just want to forget.
Set my soul to sea
I haven’t yet felt freedom
I was born with broken wings.
Blank faces have chewed
On my hardened flesh
I have nothing left
But the salt around me.
I long for that darkness.
Jul 2, 2020
Jul 2, 2020 at 11:28 AM UTC
silence loosens rigid edges
i'm still feeling every second
shaded debates we choose to fabricate
we both know the truth.
we both know the price
we have paid, we will continue
this journey feels so wrong to me
i avoid mirrors and puddles in the streets
i cant stand my face anymore.
when i look at you, it's brief
i only see myself.
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 12:54 PM UTC
the cliffs of your iris scream more truth
than your voice can
that echo adored, only leaving
debris on the bathroom floor
now, i raised that straw
to block those thoughts
but never turned on you
never turned that light off
that image looks ridiculous
i wanted peace, you're demanding
privilege
bad habits masking
what we should
have finished.
empty sentences
bored with
carelessness
running out of ways
that i can escape this.
but i give a nod
to your
dominant performance.
Jun 9, 2015
Jun 9, 2015 at 1:31 PM UTC
snow has settled, slow and sedating
feeding cravings to devour the hollow
shell I've created. an instant too long
a rapid beat in my chest
how much, how much
will it take to suppress this?
we don't look at each other
the way we're supposed to
I glance in the mirror
only when i'm forced to
deep breaths come so shallow
I can't tell you what I am now
I'd trade it, you'd trade this
for anything not worth our hatred.
I sing loud without passion
I wonder how far I could run
from this, gravity
pulling on my extremities
from these unsavory
haunting memories
don't tell me what I already know
don't kiss me where
this used to be our home
blank; over anxiousness
your empty words
supply the lack of oxygen
to my chest.
I catch your breath beneath
my calloused fingertips
I adore you, before
we settled with the cigarette ash
if I told you this was it
if I told you I've taken in
all the poison I can ingest
would you save whatever
we have left? or would you let it
crumble, and enjoy the
downfall of our wreckage?
I only want to escape.
I only want to be clear to fade away.
you told me this would
bend before it breaks
but our broken parts
tell a different story; i am lost
but not the lost i want to be.
Feb 6, 2015
Feb 6, 2015 at 9:01 AM UTC
This mess, in steps we break the pace
Afraid to face our own mistakes
I've given enough
I have more to take
Your words circle my brain stem
Electrocute whatever's left
I'm a mission with plans of regret
Affect the grip you tightened with
Sorry for the sinking ship
I've grown accustomed to
Heartbreak.
I've learned to swallow
********
The only thing I haven't done
Is truly escaped...
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC
Through ashy fog, she grabbed her purse
Elevated consciousness only makes it worse
She thought but never spoke
The words
Spit through straws and emptied claws
A generation of giving up
Just run, she stared at the stars
Shooting through her spine
Milking, giving, bleeding dry
clock tick bursting brain cells
Stuck, she's running
Out of time.
The trees have died, her soul
Feels the emptiness too
Rushing from Earth to flesh
the best of her has been spent
In change, but nothing seems to change
Gray and bored of this terrain
To give it all or give it up
A lifeline short of strokes of luck
Just run. Escape.
Erase the face that brought you down
That threw you to this place in
placement permanent frown
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 3:53 PM UTC
i spend my free time smoking cigarettes, another bad habit that i promised to quit. for the moment, the sky wasn't any shade of gray, it wasn't any shade at all. projected my mental catastrophe onto the wreckage we've built, and baby you're bleeding. is it time for us to sleep? i've lost track of rationality and common sense of normality. i just want to be free. these chains weigh so heavy and every day i am becoming more weak, these words that you sing rest inside my brain - rattle with the snakes i've caged - i am the lost episode. we are the untold story. i raise your hand, you raise my voice, every day that passes, it passes so slow. my veins still ache and i blow my brains out with the same verse after verse, i'm falling hard. you're rising fast. same page with different context, mismatch regrets and soulless *** my home rests inside your eyes, your pupils push me to the edge. i'd run, if i was given the chance and never look back, behind me lies a thousand actions i don't understand. holding on to your hand, hold on with everything i am and everything i have become is a shadow. a cloud of smoke i wish would just choke me, regurgitate the poison that has left me so empty. judge me, abandon me, leave me more broken than i have left myself. i hit the bottom and still couldn't get enough. clinging to defective walls and my chipped fingernails rip piece by piece, inch by inch, this was supposed to be the ending of the bitter ***** but i am afraid i haven't changed. i am afraid of everything. change is a slow process and it thickens with my callouses, breathing deep, counting sheep, i've tried to ride this like a pantomime and in this cell it gets too cold when i'm doing nothing but growing old. I watch your face and i watch the clock, your boredom leaves me overstocked with anxiousness. i kiss your fist, i kiss the sky. heavy is the crown that i wear now.
Nov 7, 2014
Nov 7, 2014 at 4:52 PM UTC
I walk through the streets, my legs they shake
Consumed by fear can't rest in place
Longing for a little taste, my wires bend
And break
What the **** is wrong with me?
You ask but I don't have the answer
Wrapped tightly beneath this blank
Disaster
My hair in knots I use to stand
But I can't stand this any more.
What will it take to balance the brightness
What can I do to relieve the crisis
My skin is torn, my voice is gone
I'm tired of being the leading actress
Beat me down and I'm still here but all I hear
Is the static in my head
You wanted the best kind of revenge
Well here you go, upon a platter
Sad part is it doesn't even matter
The world could shatter, and still I'd feel
Nothing at all.
Nov 7, 2014
Nov 7, 2014 at 1:13 PM UTC