My chances became
equal to your frigid heart:
absolute zero.
Jul 6, 2017
Jul 6, 2017 at 8:48 PM UTC
They say
Nothing tastes as good
As skinny feels
And when I look in the mirror
All I feel is anger
He tells me I'm beautiful
He tells me that he loves my body
But I feel like I'm being told a liars tale
Like his liking of my appearance is nothing more than an Aesop's Fabel
With the lesson to never accept flattery
And I will always be the frog
My insecurities the stones they pelt me with
And if they can't hemp themselves
Than here I am splayed out like the frog I am on a dissection table
Waiting for your scalpels
And other picking tools
Rip me apart
And tell me my flaws
So I may love myself
Much like you do your own self
Through mirrors
And cameras
Because no amount of corsets or face masks
Will make me love myself
No ammount of comments from boys just passing by
Will make me feel better
Because there will always be that person telling me that I will die alone
That I'm not pretty enough
And that I don't look like her
And if there are 100 people telling me not to listen to them
And if they are so wrong
Than why do their opinions echo so loud?
May 11, 2017
May 11, 2017 at 6:40 PM UTC
If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
*would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation*
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's*
Are becoming
*im telling you
Mar 3, 2017
Mar 3, 2017 at 2:52 PM UTC
A picture paints a thousand words
But a single word holds a million meanings
Than one day a God made of love decided to create us
Spoke a single word
And there we were
And if He is love
Than every uttered syllable
And deepening breath would hold a form of love
From a hug of a brother
To a kiss from a lover
And if we were breathed love
Doesn't that make us programmed of it
Something so familiar yet unknown
Amazing and dangerous
The joy of some
And the death of most
A poisonous sting like a bite from a snake
Awaiting its victim
In the shadows coming from nowhere
Love is like that beautiful girl at a mascaraed party
Alluring but hidden
With a playful smile
And teasing fingers
A charade of the heart
and a game never won
A vial trickery
Aimed at the soul
Striking excitement and fear
A keep quiet display
Often causing pain
Dodging lies
And forced feelings
It happens in the blink of an eye
Or like a soft slow hymn
Lulling you to sleep for the last time
Arms wrapped around the idea of forever
while the morn holds your soon to be cries
And if all love is
Is broken pieces of a tale told once to many times over
Why do we still choose to feel it?
Why do we still linger in the smell of a lovers grasp
Full knowing it may tear us down
We are fools
Lost in the idea that love alone can heal us
And maybe it can
But is it worth the risk to find out?
Jul 26, 2016
Jul 26, 2016 at 6:22 PM UTC
I'm so afraid of what you might think
You don't need to know
I wish things were different
How could you be so ignorant,
I think I love you,
You could be a constellation
But I'll happily kiss you into star dust
Time slows down when ever you walk by
I want to hold you so close that I could feel your heart beat
Your hair smells nice
I'm sorry
Goodbye
I think I love you
Please don't go
I'm scared
How could you not see it
I couldn't live with out you
I'd die for you
Your tearing me to pieces
I wouldn't want to hurt you
He doesn't deserve you
I think I love you
I hate him
I hate you
I love you
I'm sorry
I love you
I'm letting go
This hurts so much
Goodbye
Hello
Jul 26, 2016
Jul 26, 2016 at 5:55 PM UTC
I wonder if,
nightmares are from the monsters trying to be free
I can sometimes feel them
Seeping into my being in my slumber
Taking over my frame of mind so that the facets of glass leave me blind to any sign of light in the dark.
It's so dark here
And I'm fumbling for function like fumbling for the right words and moments of clarity these typewriter lines make incoherent sentences
and I but I can't be stop be heard
Because nightmare-sleep leaves me a victim
And I can't erase it,
Can't escape it
Backspace doesn't exist in the dreamworld
Where reality is a distant memory,
Until the blank spaces and missteps
Get covered up by white out and wishes of waking up in the morning to a day where there are no monsters hiding behind my eyes
I wonder if,
nightmares are from the monsters trying to break free
They bite at their chains
Claw at their prison
Fight for what freedom they have as they baptize my mind with the coldness of their poison,
Neurotoxin making my nerves go hay wire,
Entrapping me in a trance
I try to escape
Not letting me break from the pain that they inflict on my brain and body
Assault and battery convicts stampeding like elephants across my minds eye making me beg for control
But the guards aren't in charge of the prison anymore
It's so cold here
I think monsters use
nightmares to break free
Because when the sun rises again
I'm left with the scars
And it's a battle to let them stay behind the facade of,
"Everything's alright"
Depression presses through the fake smiles and laughs,
And stretches the sinews of my hope until they scream,
Scream at the world to stop spinning
And until I wake up
The ash and dust that is my temporary refuge
suffocates the hope of my escape from reality
And makes my nightmares come true
Because when we have nightmares we are prisoners too.
It's so lonely here
all in my head
Where reality is a distant memory,
And wishes of waking up in the morning to a day where there are no monsters hiding behind my eyes
Dance across my subconscious
Like stars in the sky,
I wonder what would happen if I let the monsters free,
Let them out of their chains
Freed them of their cages and let them crawl out of my mouth with the wind of my breathing letting them take flight and disappear in the distance.
I wonder if they would come back thinking my mess of a mind is where they belonged or if they would take refuge with the skeletons in my closet and comeback to haunt me.
I'll let them out
Watch them fly away
And go to sleep
The damage they left behind is still there
But,
It's not so dark here anymore...
Jul 26, 2016
Jul 26, 2016 at 5:31 PM UTC
What is love
Such a small yet complex word
Holding so much or lil emotion
The kind of love
So what is Love in dollar signs
Patch it up with a price tag
Than what's the cost of a broken heart
Shattered pieces for a penny's price
Not quite a dollar will do
Pay a high sum and play doctor
Fare for a new heart
Stick it in and sew it up
A mentality of
"High levy paid will make it all better"
When are we ever going to learn
Money does not fix brokeness
Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 8:13 PM UTC
I want to be inspiring,
I want to love and let go of the past,
But I can never do that if I keep a grudge the size of a mountain burried deep in my chest,
Waiting to come out,
I act like it doesn't bother me now,
But in reality,
The sad truth about myself is that,
I want them to feel what its like,
To wanna rip their own hearts out,
Like they do to me,
And I am ashamed of myself for that reason,
I tell myself I'll never be like them,
But sometimes I think I'm worse,
It's that grudge that I hold in my heart,
Waiting to envelope me in pain and bitterness,
Like shivering in fear of the dark as a child,
Laying in bed waiting for that monster to eat you alive the moment you fall asleep,
And sometimes I think I want them to feel that,
But,
I can’t be that cruel,
I can’t put anyone through,
What I’ve gone through,
'Cause,
I know how it wears on a person,
I know the fake smile,
Over gritted teeth,
I know the demon screaming behind their eyes,
Because I’ve felt that,
I’ve walked that walk,
It’s a hole,
You crawl your way out,
Than they push you back in,
Every time you take a step up the hole just get bigger,
And they continue to throw more dirt over you,
And bury you deeper,
And deeper,
A battle of oppression and lonliness,
Keeping quiet,
But wanting to scream,
Wanting to release the way you feel without the risk of standing out,
So you find ways to get that release,
Singing,
Drawing,
Running,
Me?
I write,
I write to hold back that real release,
To hurt them,
Like they hurt me,
So I sit back,
And in detail,
Write it out,
Grammatical sentences,
Spilled out onto blue lines,
Letting out,
Pent in Anger,
Regret,
Sorrow,
Whatever it may be,
But it keeps me sane,
If I even have that,
Sanity,
My conscious is wearing thin,
I'm getting to where,
I don’t care anymore,
So if I let out a last breath,
Staring at the moon,
Would it matter to anyone?
Will it make an impact?
Or will my last words be a forgotten melody with time,
Crashing into crescendos,
Lost in the moment we realize,
Is any of this worth the risk?
I don’t know the answer,
And that's why I still try,
I wanna meet a boy,
And change his life,
I wanna meet a girl,
And help her see another day,
And if that’s what keeps me from letting go,
Then God help me hold onto it,
With my tightest grip,
I refuse to go,
As another helpless person,
Staring into the sky,
I wanna go as someone who,
Gave their all,
But just fell a lil short
Jan 14, 2016
Jan 14, 2016 at 5:44 PM UTC