Begging for mercy from a cruel false god
As the years go by, I’ve seen through the facade
But I’m still chained by desperation and fear
And the false hope that you’ll be sincere
And the pleasure you take in my pain will disappear
But it won’t
You don't want to change
You never will
So it will be my blood and tears you continue to spill
Consume me body and soul
Whenever you are hungry for a little power and control
Whenever the world is too much for you
You take it out on daddy’s favorite punching bag
Mother is on the stairs
But she might as well not be there
For she doesn’t interfere
Not even when he fists curl up
Not when there are tears
She watches with quiet scripted interjections
As she watches this towering god looming over me tear me apart
No apologies no remorse
Just me with ****** hands picking up the broken fragments of myself off the floor
I don’t want to be here anymore
And after the damage is done
She provides false comfort
Then angrily scolds me
“You know better than that”
“Why did you say that”
“Why didn’t you say that”
As if the looming tsunami would ever take mercy on me
So I cower in my room licking my wounds forever alone
For there is no one else’s hands to hold
No one's arms to surrender to
Just grief
And a false hope that one day,
I will be free
But even when far far away
Those cruel feelings and fears remain
For now they are woven into my DNA
Apr 8, 2024
Apr 8, 2024 at 5:32 PM UTC
He said darling sadness looks so beautiful on you
so he put his hands over my mouth to make me forever blue
Laid to waste
but I'm still your favorite
Blood and pants pulled past my waist
you savor it
As I begin to decay
I can't help but think back to the day
you shyly called me pretty
Apr 24, 2023
Apr 24, 2023 at 4:47 PM UTC
The prophecy already spoken
I was born to be broken
Love needs to be earned
but when will it be my turn?
Even with all my love and open doors
every man who has walked through them
has left me worse than before
Apr 24, 2023
Apr 24, 2023 at 1:41 AM UTC
Closed-door
Four walls
Why was I the one to lose it all?
If he had killed me
Would you finally believe me?
The darkness seeping through his fingers
Forever trapped in that moment, the feelings still linger
He should be surrounded by four walls
Instead I’m trapped in my mind
The walls too tall to climb
Learned my body was never really mine
The monsters in my room are realer than they seem
They’ve come to **** the girl who never became queen
They never stop coming after me
Anxiety attacks
The world is black
I wanna dance in the sun
I wanna run
By calling the truth a tall tale
You let this monster prevail
Try to be strong like the girls in the magazines
But I admit it’s so hard for me
Never feel safe
Can’t even remember his face
It’s just a horrifying void
That’s come to consume me whole
To take what’s left of my soul
She’s so hard to find
The girl I left behind
Been too long
Presumed dead
Wish he killed me instead
Wrinkled fingers in the tub
Never feel clean no matter how hard I scrub
My mind doesn’t deceive me
Why don’t you believe me
He should be surrounded by four walls
Instead I’m trapped in my mind
The walls too tall to climb
Learned my body was never really mine
The monsters in my room are realer than they seem
They’ve come to **** the girl who never became queen
They never stop coming after me
Jan 22, 2023
Jan 22, 2023 at 3:52 PM UTC
Prometheus
It was you who pulled the trigger
Ripped out my heart along with my liver
Drunk off you
Now I can’t get you out of my system
Got too close to the fire
Consumed by your touch and desire
I know you're dying to get back between my thighs
But I’m struggling to get past your lies
But I know I just can’t say goodbye
So break my back
Like every promise you made
These feelings I can’t ignore
Can’t wait for the day
I can truthfully say
I don’t love you anymore
Jul 28, 2021
Jul 28, 2021 at 12:39 AM UTC
Hello I’m suicidal
And have been for a while
Sincerely, your favorite problem child
All these names in my phone
But I’ve never felt so alone
For this house ain't a home
Wish I could simply disappear
I don’t want to be here
But I’m too afraid to die
Too numb to cry
If I meet God I’ll ask him why
This turmoil plagues me from deep inside
My eyelids swollen
Happiness stolen
Pitter-patter
They ask me what’s the matter
Well my greatest fantasy is jumping off a tower
Landing on the pavement and my brain going splatter
Happiness, never really had her
For darkness always looming
It’s got a hold on me, always consuming
Please I need some help
Frankly, I don’t know how to be myself
Life’s taking its toll
If I stay here it’ll be the death of my soul
Every day a lesson
But might drop out soon, too pained by my depression
Talk **** get hit
You spit bullets and I’m ******* sick of it
Jimmy, what did you bring for show and tell
A gun and a speeding bullet to send me right to hell
I’m dead inside
My soul another victim of homicide
Life’s a game of battleship
Guess an insecurity, yup that’s a hit
So void of love
Starvation of affection
of touch
You could see my ribs
Am I pretty yet?
Am I pretty?
Cause I’m feeling pretty ******
Won’t catch me weeping willow
Saving these tear stains for my pillow
Close the door and jump out the window
And if my eyes could turn you to stone
Maybe you could finally leave me the **** alone
You can try and numb the pain
But it’ll never go away
You’ll wake up in the morning and still feel the same
Cause the weight builds up
And the tanks fill up
It’s no longer just pebbles and puddles
Oh you're in trouble
A gas mask ain’t have no use when you’re drowning
But maybe it’ll block out the chlorine
Brain is constantly pounding
So many thoughts it’s astounding
I just want q u i e t
Will you help me find it?
Jul 26, 2021
Jul 26, 2021 at 2:14 PM UTC
Suburbia
Ain’t no good for ya
Take the veil off your eyes my dear
And you can finally see clear
Suburbia
Ain’t no good for ya
You’ll see all your deepest fears
You never really were safe here
Impaled on a white picket fence
Wondering where your friends went
They took off the masks from their faces
From their books they ripped out your pages
Can’t tell friend from foe
Sugar and salt
Are hard to tell apart
There’s really no way to know
Until it’s too late
Call it chance or call it fate
Wake up and smell the roses
Wipe the blood from your noses
Under the street lights
On these late nights
Suburbia
Ain’t no good for ya
Take the veil off your eyes my dear
And you can finally see clear
Suburbia
Ain’t no good for ya
You’ll see all your deepest fears
You never really were safe here
It paints a pretty picture
But it just cleans up the mess quicker
You’ll go crazy from the whispers
The truth hurts
But so does this life
It paints a pretty picture
But it just cleans up the mess quicker
You’ll go crazy from the whispers
The truth hurts
But so does this life
Suburbia
Ain’t no good for ya
Take the veil off your eyes my dear
And you can finally see clear
Suburbia
Ain’t no good for ya
You’ll see all your deepest fears
You never really were safe here
In Suburbia
Feb 7, 2021
Feb 7, 2021 at 5:27 AM UTC
I’ll forever be alone
Trapped in the cruel prison of my mind
Where every thought is solely mine
Or so I believe to be true
Even when I’m lost in oblivion with you
My socks are wet and cold
From the puddles that surround me
Yet there is a bliss
Maybe it’s the hypothermia kicking in
But I’m finally happy
The little specks in the world
Mean so much to me
For what is the world without tiny specks?
Hold me close
Whatever happens next
Promise me you won’t forget
You will never think the way I think
And I will never understand the way you think
To a degree, none of us are the same
We’ll never be the same
You’ll never understand me
Hell, I don’t even understand myself
For if I saw a carbon copy of myself I’d probably scream
If you were to unravel my mind you’d see a fading beauty,
With its edges tainted by charcoal
Consumed by the fire
Not everything could be preserved
Vanished like the great works of Alexandria
As your mind wanders into the vast forest of life
Will you remember me as you are shivering in the shadows?
As you bathe in the sunlight surrounded by wildflowers?
As you’re hiding in a cave in what feels like your final hours?
As you are at the top the largest tree looking down,
King of the World?
As you take another to embrace?
With your hands upon her waist?
Will you remember my face?
The blackberries, how bittersweet they taste?
Love is priceless, but nothing is free
So what is really the cost?
We bunkered up in a birdhouse
But winter has passed
And we have to move on
For we were already consumed by the frost
So here I say farewell
Please embrace me once more as I crumble
In the ice, our love will be preserved until the end of time
And I'll forever remember when I had your heart
And you had mine
I will be consumed by what it could’ve been
But deep down, we both know here it must end
April Showers
Bring May flowers
But April is awfully long
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 5:57 PM UTC
On the doorstep of my mind
Still think about you all the time
Never thought I was just a welcome mat
For you to dust your shoes off on
Then leave out the back door
Didn’t know how fast you could switch
This love to you is just a game of ding-dong-ditch
You left as soon as you came
These perfect blue skies now plagued by rain
Why’d I let you walk all over me?
Wish I wasn’t so smitten by love and could see
The painful truth right in front of me
Tore my heart into two
And took both pieces with you
As you left through the screen door in the back
I constantly miss our talks
I’m in love
but we’re not
You don’t talk to me anymore
Wish it would go back to how it was before
Talking in hushed voices through a screen
When the rest of the world was sleeping
But you’re not gone,
not completely
For you’re still crossing my mind
Wandering its labyrinth far too many times
The ghost of you is close to me
Just like how things used to be
Nostalgia is blinding
But love is binding
Wish you’d call me up sometime
For I miss hearing your voice
It’s a shame that love isn’t a choice
You convinced me we were meant to be
Why’d I let you walk all over me?
Apr 4, 2020
Apr 4, 2020 at 5:44 PM UTC