if you showed anyone every word i ever wrote to you, i think they would assume that i was lying
but if they looked at it my way they'd know it would be a shame that a "friendship" can be so blinding
and we both know each try at space is always met with such disdain, but even so, can you really blame me
for trying anyway, eternal nights and pointless days, to lighten up the load i am fated to carry
and ever since we first met i've been fixated upon my regrets while you carelessly toss yours behind your shoulder
your lack of love for me is like a monster from which i flee, for if i'm caught, i know that it will destroy me
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 11:20 PM UTC
Blood shot eyes making contact in the mirror,
pleading with the bleeding brain not to think, not to care.
Impaired and unshowered.
Denial runs deep.
Wide eyed and disheveled.
The only thing you ever commit to is drinking yourself to sleep.
And while you slowly ****** yourself,
I toss and turn, dissecting your thirst for freedom
and my adoration for all things unattainable
I try to be more like you; you're talented at being numb
Just how bothered would you be to see our similarities?
And how do you justify acting so different as to yesterday?
Would you be surprised to see that we're both sabotaging ourselves in such noticeable ways?
And how do you sleep at night **knowing you could've had me there**?
Do you wake up to the memory of my smile and pour another shot, let the alcohol repair?
Or are you convinced that, in me offering myself to you, I have served my purpose?
Am I yet another sentimental soul that fell for your twisted ways and was left feeling worthless?
Please, tell me, am I still myself after you've worn me down to sagging shoulders and blackened lungs?
Not enough strength left within to hold you up on your pedestal
No matter which disguise you wear
No end to confusion, but it's time to stop asking for answers
or for you to care
Oct 5, 2016
Oct 5, 2016 at 10:40 PM UTC
figure out how to hold back yet move forward,
forgive and forget without sinking under.
there's no way to move without making mistakes;
i've been trying so hard that i get the shakes.
every time i close my eyes, i see one face,
and another, and another; my brain quickens the pace.
those i passionately love, those i claim to hate
can be one and the same, depending on the day.
others take up so much of my thinking
i do my best to not shut my eyes, to keep blinking,
to keep all my feelings away on a dusty shelf
and i wonder if i've any thoughts left for myself.
Jul 28, 2016
Jul 28, 2016 at 12:30 AM UTC
spring air shivers mask our nervous twitching
got an itch to scratch and boy is it ever itching
shaky knees and sweaty palms
i am not okay at all
/
Mar 13, 2016
Mar 13, 2016 at 5:28 PM UTC
But I would rather be horizontal.
I am not a tree with my root in the soil
******* up minerals and motherly love
So that each March I may gleam into leaf,
Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed
Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted,
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.
Compared with me, a tree is immortal
And a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
And I want the one's longevity and the other's daring.
Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars,
The trees and flowers have been strewing their cool odors.
I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.
Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping
I must most perfectly resemble them--
Thoughts gone dim.
It is more natural to me, lying down.
Then the sky and I are in open conversation,
And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:
The the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.
Mar 9, 2016
Mar 9, 2016 at 12:14 PM UTC
The woods are burning
I know that all I've done is not enough
I'm constantly lowering my ideals
Everybody around me is so false, yet
There's always hope for a diamond in the rough
A big blaze going on all around
Don't you care whether we live or die?
Our brains are fine machines
Too capable of judgment and worry
I'd love to shut them off
Trapped by flames
They move faster than any vehicle I've seen
Alienation is only a weird word until you feel it
Thinking thoughts that fuel the fire faster
Than any accelerant ever could
Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 11:05 PM UTC
everything's different than how it was
can't even forge a truce
memories covered in such a fog
i try so hard it hurts
just try so hard and bury it all
but this love was always a curse
and instead of forget, into it, i fall
and end up feeling much worse
Nov 17, 2015
Nov 17, 2015 at 11:39 PM UTC
no use using your energy just to pretend
i hate to bring this up again and again
if things were different, if we could figure it out
the pace of our lives, feelings i'd rather live without
maybe it would be easier, maybe it would be better
if we could forget about each other
but there's no use in using your energy just to pretend
because we still lose our cool again and again
if we were older, maybe we would figure it out
our feelings remain inseparable from our doubt
i've been trying to come to the rescue of what we want to trust
while you cross your arms and mutter, "if you must."
i don't know how to be honest with you
and you don't want me to tell you the truth
there's no way to float alone with such weights attached
i placed all my eggs in one unreliable basket
and you think it's best to leave them unhatched
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 10:45 PM UTC
there's never been a way to say what i really mean
i hibernate all winter and don't bounce back 'til spring
so i'm sorry that i've been rarely heard or seen
i've spoken so many lies it feels like my mouth should be sewn up
shut and locked with the key hidden from me
i took too much water from your cup
and i hid away like it all meant nothing to me
but the sun's starting to shine again
my will to see all eyes comes back in due time
just like clockwork, when the grass turns green
i come back and try to explain what i mean
Feb 27, 2015
Feb 27, 2015 at 5:02 PM UTC
It's like craving the warm ocean and wading into the icy Atlantic
A stop and go light that never turns green
We all knew you were sick and tired of my dramatic antics
But I never thought you'd really get tired of me
Every now and then I sit down and pretend
That everything is as it had been
That all my current thoughts
Are just dreams of a past that never was
And when I lie down to sleep the room expands and shrinks around me
Closing my eyes doesn't make it go away
I'm too big, I'm too small, for the life that lies before me
Infinity lies within us all, but that doesn't mean we don't pray
If there's a God, he won't listen to someone like me
Dec 10, 2014
Dec 10, 2014 at 2:03 PM UTC