kelly-mcguire-1
American
"I'm just a / would have been / could have been / should have been / never was / and never ever will be." / / I don't really know what to write here. I'm not very good with words. I like to read and hear the words of others. I'm Kelly. You can't do much with that name. I've existed for 16 years. I'm awfully shy and lonely, talk to me please. / / —-██—— I'll / —-██—— bow / -—██—— for / —-██—— your / —-██—— king / ██████— when he / —-██—— shows himself / / / If you want to understand me: http://wild--things.tumblr.com/ / / "I think she's caught somewhere between who she is and who she wants to be" -Unknown
*I love you
Please don’t let go of my hand
Are you ashamed of me?
Wait stop
What did I do?
Don’t
Please don’t squeeze it so har-
Ow!
That hurts please let go
What are you doing?
Stop please stop pushing your
Fingers between my collar bones
What are you doing?
Please stop, I love you*
This isn’t love, not at all
There isn’t a single bit
Of affection on his fingertips
When he shoves you on the floor
That ache that you feel when you touch
Your bruises? You tell yourself it’s love
Manifested so deep
Only something as intense as pain could show it
I know it hurts
It hurts when he calls you names
But it hurts more to think
That this isn’t love
Not at all
You’re doing everything
You can you’ve held him after
He hit you when he cries and
He swears he will be a
Better man.
“He can get better, I swear.
It wasn’t his fault,
I shouldn’t have done that.”
Darling, stop.
Stop bending over backwards for
A boy who only wants
To break your spine.
Stop giving him forgiveness undeserved
And apologies unnecessary.
Stop covering your bruises and
leaving your wounds unstitched
Stop bleeding for a boy
Who will never clean up the stains
Stop crying for
A boy who only laughs at your tears
Stop
This is not love.
Not at all
You’re too beautiful for these bruises
And dark circles under your eyes
You’re too strong for these wounds
You’re too important to let this
Boy take away your life
This isn’t the love that you deserve.
This isn’t love, not at all.
You are more than
Your bruises and you are
More than your scars you are so much
More than the names he calls you
And your tear stained pillow cases.
Honey, dry your eyes.
Stitch your wounds.
Straighten up your spine
You are so
Much more than this.
Say goodbye
Because this isn’t love
Not at all.
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 8:47 AM UTC
Take me back..
Take me back to the days when we loved each other
Take me back to the moment you first kissed me
Remind me..
Remind me how it felt when your heart beat in rhythm with mine
Remind me how it felt when you caressed my hands with your thumbs
Take it back..
Take it back, the 'jokes' and the criticism
Take it back, the way you pushed me around
Never forget..
Never forget every tear I shed for you
Never forget the scars you've left on my heart
Tell me
Tell me that you'll 'uff' me 'forver'
Tell me someday I'll have your last name
Take me back
Take me back into your arms and kiss my cheek
Take me back to your bed and your soft white sheets
Remind me
Remind me that I'm beautiful
Remind me that you only want me
Take it back
Take back all the empty promises you made
Take back every word you cursed me with
Never forget
Never forget the nights that I cried over you
Never forget the smile that you once gave me
Tell me
Tell me you're sorry
Tell me you'll 'uff' me 'forver'
Take me back.
Oct 2, 2013
Oct 2, 2013 at 11:16 AM UTC
I find it painfully ironic
That the 26 letters I combined
To profess my love to you
Are the same 26 letters that I've written
To declare death by my own hand
Sep 30, 2013
Sep 30, 2013 at 10:38 AM UTC
What am I suppose to do
With this notebook filled of half-done drawings
And scribblings and half-recited quotes
I've filled over one third of it
with you
And all I'm left with is a bunch of pages
Reminders of you
And who I hoped you were
The pages are etched with erased mistakes
I could never quite draw your nose
I could never trace the shape of your lips
I could never find the right words or songs to explain how I felt
I couldn't get your nose right because I was thinking of your mouth
And I couldn't trace the shape of your lips
Because I was too preoccupied with the thought
Of how they would fit, pressed against mine.
And I couldn't finish those sentences
Because no combination of the 26 letters in our alphabet
Could ever explain the feeling of the butterflies you gave me
Or the beautiful melody in my ear that was your laugh
So now I'm left with these pages
This notebook full of reminders
Of who I hoped you were
These pages are etched with erased mistakes
Of unfinished pieces
And my heart is etched with the un-erasable mistake
Of ever hoping you could love me.
Over one third of myself, entirely.
Wasted
-k.m.
Sep 26, 2013
Sep 26, 2013 at 3:07 PM UTC
I just think there’s something to be said
about the girl
who tugs at her shirt and
fixes her hair
for that boy she sees across the room
with the crystal blue eyes,
coughing up his lungs
from his seventh cigarette
of the evening
Sep 24, 2013
Sep 24, 2013 at 8:58 PM UTC
We pledge allegiance to the flag
And devote ourselves to America
And to the economy
Which barely stands
One nation
Under pseudo faith
Completely divided
With prohibition and corruption for all
Sep 23, 2013
Sep 23, 2013 at 10:10 AM UTC
When you're so tired that your eyes cannot stay open
And you no longer feel like you have a purpose
When everything hurts and you cannot fake your smile anymore
You've been fighting way too long and finally you give up
You have won many battles
But you have lost this war
That is when you give in
You give in and let your eyes fall shut
You drift away into sleep
Before you fall off of the edge of conciousness
You bite your lip and pray
You pray to never open your eyes again
You pray that maybe
Just..
maybe...
You will not
wake up
I don't think you know what that feels like
You will never know how it feels
To wake up
And be disappointed
And try to convince yourself it's a dream
You will never know how it feels
To be burdened by your own existence
You will never know how it feels to look in the mirror
And truly hate what you see
No, don't you ******* tell me you know how it feels
Just because you don't like your nose
Or you're sad sometimes
Just because you get angry
Or tell your little brother you hate him
You are not depressed
You are not a prisoner of your own mind
So shut up
Because you will never know how it feels
To live every single day
Wishing it would all end
Wishing people would just
stop
caring
Wishing you could disappear
You will never know how it feels
Don't tell me that you do
Because you don't
You will never know how I feel
You will never know what it is like
To be
b
u
r
d
e
n
e
d
by your own ******* existence.***
Sep 3, 2013
Sep 3, 2013 at 11:31 AM UTC
It's early morning
I'm sitting here
My pen in hand
Eager to get something on this page
But the words won't come
And it's no fun
Without you here with me
I'm awfully mediocre, darling
I have nothing original to offer
All I can do is hold this pen
And hope that words will come
Or maybe I can search for words or quotes
And tangle them together
In hopes of making some sort of art
To explain how I am feeling
Because I'm awfully mediocre
And I have nothing original to offer
I so desperately want to write to you
And tell you how I'm feeling
But my tongue is tied
My brain is in knots
And I'm growing rather weary
Yes, I can take words from others
And send them to you
But none of them can ever compare
To the loneliness I feel
And the sorrow I bare
Living my life without you
May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013 at 9:12 AM UTC
****
4 letters
1 syllable
It's a funny little word
Because it's so ******* offensive
And it's so ******* little
But everyone flips their ****
Over ****
But those people
Can go **** themselves
Or get ****** by someone else
Because they need a ******* reality check
That **** is not the ******* problem
The problem is their ******* beliefs
That a single ******* word
Can offend them more than the actual ******* issue at hand
Arguing about a ******* paycheck
And suddenly someone uses ****
And that's ******* it
It doesn't matter that the paycheck is ******* small
That you don't have enough ******* money to pay your ******* bills
No that doesn't ******* matter anymore
Because she had the nerve to use ****
And maybe that offends you
But what offends her and us and everyone
Is that fact that you can't get off your ******* high horse
And admit that you ****** up
Admit that you didn't ******* succeed
So you have to turn the ******* blame on him
For 4 letters
And 1 syllable
But maybe if you'd quit pointing the ******* blame
You wouldn't have a small ******* paycheck
And you wouldn't have to be so ******* stressed
And you could ******* relax
And you wouldn't be such a ******* *******
And maybe
Just ******* maybe*
We could find it in our ******* hearts
To forgive you.
You ******* ****
May 20, 2013
May 20, 2013 at 12:53 PM UTC
People will read many stories about depression
With similes and metaphors and a bunch of other figurative ********
They'll feel a sense of comfort in the fact that they understand those
simple
little
rhymes...
But I do not
Because words on paper can never communicate this feeling
Words cannot express the emptiness and struggle I have within myself
Day after ******* day
I am drowning in my own mind
I am gasping for air with every word write
Every word that I read
I write
I read
I gasp
I cannot breathe
Because I am drowning in my own mind
And I've forgotten how to swim
I am no longer able to tread water
My body has given up
I've lost every ounce of strength I might have once had
And I am ready to stop gasping
I am ready to let go
And sink
My mind won't surrender
My body is giving up but my mind won't let go
I can no longer tread this water, but my mind refuses to sink
I cry and I cut and I pray to whatever god there may be
I pray
That my mind
Will drown.
My head is still above the waves
But my body
My soul
My life
Has drowned
May 20, 2013
May 20, 2013 at 10:35 AM UTC