venus has an off week
(and everything goes to ****
and you ruin the (white) dress
lay in the shadow of what it was
grow uglier, weaker without it
stop bathing,
eating,
sleeping,
((don't leave home for a week (for days)))
----
venus stops moving forward (gets cold feet)
and you ruin the white dress
lay in the shadow of what it was
grow uglier, weaker without it
stop bathing, (don’t bathe)
eating, (eat)
sleeping (sleep)
don't leave home (for a week) (or leave home for a week)
-------------
venus gets cold feet
and you ruin the dress
lay in the shadow of what it was
grow uglier, weaker without it
don’t bathe
eat
sleep
leave home for a week
Mar 24, 2017
Mar 24, 2017 at 4:02 AM UTC
i look in the mirror and start to see the changes i've longed for;
the signs of improved health
weight gain.
clearer skin.
But i'm reminded by these simple glances
that i don't have the 'right' relationship w/ happiness
contentment.
appearances.
surfaces.
i entertain the question "does growth bare no real fruit?"
and that's why i resist being.
i'd rather be dark.
a force.
a raw healing gem.
a diamond in the rough.
Dec 20, 2016
Dec 20, 2016 at 5:05 PM UTC
So many bumps in the unfolding of a day,
a month,
a year,
a series of eclipses
brought me to an inner caving
to become reunited with the fact that i am on a path going somewhere, i do not know;
desperately trying to retain scraps of the past
in the efforts of a sense of longevity,
my life has become absorbed by the feeling that i lack it
its a nice try
but you can't really force anything
its no longer for a reason
it wouldn't be your past if you were still living in it
elements still remain the same
but you don't listen to the ramone's anymore
or watch horror movies and existential dramas on a daily basis
that energy though, that desire for that energy
that release,
that expression
is still there; its just transformed.
you didn't lose anything,
you just went to the next level.
its just this need to be so extreme, still
the need to busy myself
to fill up the time w/ new things.
why not just embrace the coming and going?
the subtlety of it
why does that have to be "death" as we know it?
the going of the old and coming of the new
after ever having never been a beach person, i now realize that it is a setting for the embracing of the state (event) of transition
i guess that's why i've been being attracted to it, and the moon;
to water.
theres so much ebb and flow.
the being "ruled" by "something"
"something" so much larger than you
but i am brought back down to the imagery of the here and now,
of my basement,
to the need for me to cast my life out like a fishing line;
to stop eating the words of others in hopes of sustenance.
to stop eating their poison,
depression;
illness; inner decay
to take the sins of others off the menu.
Can that realization be enough?
that i don't want to devour anything, anymore
Learning to not devour worlds as a life lesson.
and knowing that the world i want to be in
is the one of reminding myself that it's okay to wander,
a world of nurturance
of feeding and being fed.
Oct 8, 2016
Oct 8, 2016 at 5:27 PM UTC
venus wanted to not take care of herself,
she wanted to let everything that couldn't withstand time
to rot off of her
she remembers herself
in memoriam
she looks back
she contemplates why she is alive.
what she needs to do to find happiness
she scares people
demanding what she cant have
wanting the impossible
shes headed in the wrong direction
shes been headed in the wrong direction for a long time
wanting to go to the beach (at night)
because no one does 'it' for her
she's unproductive
scoping out men
needing to be creative
but not knowing how
waiting for the new moon
hoping for a new moon
wanting to be filled again
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 6:04 PM UTC
why does it feel like i haven't been mothered?
why does it feel like i was never mothered?
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 5:41 PM UTC
every blue moon i show up (come home) (at my family's home)
go into every room,
build up momentum
spiral lose control
crash and burn
eventually giving into sleep
leaving messes
i rise out of the couch
clawing my way out of (through) knitted blankets
pull the debris off my body
and feel my blood returning to me
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 3:46 PM UTC
every blue moon i show up (come home) (at my family's home)
go into every room,
leaving (leave) messes,
build up momentum
spiral lose control
crash and burn
eventually giving into sleep
i rise out of the couch
clawing my way out of (through) knitted blankets
pull the debris off my body
and feel my blood returning to me
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 12:39 PM UTC
i don't really know what i am
some sort of removed ******
i watch people dance from across the room, feeding off of their lack of reserve
their ability to lose control
(photosynthesizing)
am i a flower or a vampire
what's the difference
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 12:26 PM UTC