Cracked ****** lips plastered to the street
I'm kissing the pavement of our old avenue
Whispering to the pebbles, tracing the path of our feet
Biting my tongue once more, just to get a taste of you
I'd say that I've cut my heart open again,
But I wouldn't want to bore you with my poetic cliché
If you must know, I'm draining myself through this pen
And my lungs still carry that eighty-year-old ache
Broken bones crushed and swept under the rug
I shattered in your arms the night you turned away
Collapsed my own sanity, you disappeared with a shrug
Even my monsters had nothing condescending left to say
I'd tell you that I missed you, but that would be a petty lie
I only miss the part of myself that you so effortlessly stole
Consider this your thank you note, our delicate goodbye
I hope you're content, and thank you again for this huge ******* hole.
Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 7:03 PM UTC
And what happens
When I finally tell you
That I was too ashamed to admit
That I dreamt up your face
When his lips touched mine
And I auto-tuned his voice
In my head until it was
A duplicate of yours
And that I traced his skin
But somehow my sensory memory
Defied the rules and I
Flashed back to seven years ago
When your arm was around my waist
And what happens
When you're not here
Anymore and my words are too
Late
And I end up engaged,
or God, married
To this man because
I keep pretending he's you
And I keep telling him
That he has my whole heart
But I think we both know
The truth
That it's always belonged to you
And that,
To be honest,
I don't ever want it back
Because in seven years time,
I've realized that it is so much easier
To sleep at night
To breathe in winter
To sigh in his arms
When I can't feel a ****** thing at all
And maybe I'm lying to him
And maybe that's ****** up…
But we're all damaged.
We're all damaged.
Lord knows you made sure of that.
Nov 1, 2014
Nov 1, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC
Your two a.m. words are my favorite
The way the starlight reflects in your eyes
And your smile breaks your face in half
When you tell me about your homeland
And how you used to sleep in the mountains
I paint the picture in my mind of you
Riding whitetail through the tropics
He's probably dead now, you admit
That horse you loved all those years ago
And it just breaks my ******* heart
But you don't seem to notice
You're talking to the shadows
To the monsters under my bead
Reminiscing of how things used to be
And how you miss the smell of coffee
When your mother would grind the beans
You tell me you miss your home
But you don't ever want to return
Because nothing can restore the past
Because I'm here, now, with you
You tell me that my laughter
Is the only home you'll ever need
And that the mountain bonfires
Cannot compare to the heat from my skin
You tell me you always believed in angels
But I was the first one you ever laid eyes on
You tell me my lips are sweet and my voice
Always hums the perfect melody
And in all these ways
You tell me you love me.
But I tell you
I cannot compete with a memory,
And it breaks my heart
Even more.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 2:44 PM UTC
I gave you the sky
And you flew away
I don't know
What I was expecting.
But it wasn't that.
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 10:46 PM UTC
When I was younger I used to think that all the cars on the highway were racing each other. I used to yell at my mom because we were driving so slow. I never wanted to lose. She usually shrugged off my request or simply ignored it entirely. Then I began to imagine that the highway wrapped completely around the world, and we could drive to China if we really wanted to. No one ever told me otherwise because I rarely shared my ideas with anyone. That was the thing about being a kid, I just totally gave up on asking adults questions because their answers were always lies they told just to get me to stop asking more questions. I think that's ******** I was so curious about this life that was forced upon me. I was so curious about everything. And no one ever took the time to correctly explain to me how our lake got it's name or where butterflies go when they die. No one ever told me how Santa could get into our apartment if we didn't have a chimney and no one dare mentioned why I absolutely had to drink a full glass of milk every night with dinner.
I used to be so conceited that I thought the moon would chase me around the earth when I was catching fire flies in jars. And no one told me that fire flies need air holes and some type of food source. No one told me jarring up nature is probably a bad idea. No one told me I was stealing the souls of innocent creatures.
And then one day, somehow, I blinked and all of my curiosity disappeared. Suddenly I knew that thunder didn't mean the sky was ripping open and lightening wasn't pure magic. One day the school ripped away all of my creativity and I was forced to think inside of this boring box. One day I was fed all of the truths I never really wanted to know. One day I was reprogrammed into accepting a life of poverty in a cubicle. One day all my dreams became replaced by rants about a corrupt government. One day I realized the moon wasn't following me and the stars never belonged in my palms.
One day I was told that my life would amount to nothing and all would be forgotten and our existence is completely unjustified. One day I learned that everything I've ever loved or hated will be crushed into oblivion, and if I have a soul no one has any idea where it will go when my body turns into worm food.
And one day all of my questions were stashed away in a box and I just stopped caring about everything.
And then I met you. And your eyes had all the stars I ever wanted. And they were mine. And suddenly everything made sense and the world became beautiful, even when it wasn't. And then your hand held mine and all that mattered to me was your happiness and how wide I could spread your smile. One day you said my name and my ears never bothered to listen to music again. One day I realized that our love was the personification of beauty and no one could ever take that away from us. And one day I realized that everything temporary is much more permanent than it seems and even if our children's children's children forget our names, the stars never will.
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 2:05 PM UTC
When I was young
I'd dream of all the oceans
I'd never see
And then I got a little a older
And I realized that even I
Could purchase a plane ticket
And dip my toes
In any liquid paradise
I desired
And then I got older still
And I realized
My thirst to see the world
Was easily quenched
By simply
Looking into your eyes
I've drowned in you
And I never want
To breathe again
How fortunate am I
To have found both
The sun and the sea
In the gaze of another
Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 1:33 PM UTC
I imagine a life with you
But I'm still dreaming of him
I want your children
Running around our house
Jumping on our bed
Sunday morning regret
Homemade waffles
From hungover hands
But it'll all be worth it
Because I know
Even then, years from now
There will still be stars in your eyes
When my hair is a mess
And my clothes are littered with holes
I imagine our wedding day
The invitations with calligraphy
Engraved in deep ink
And how I can't bring myself
To dare write his name
With my hungover hands
And I don't tell you this
But I still dream up his face
When I'm kissing your lips
And I wish I could stop
But my heart is a mess
And his eyes never shined
Nearly as bright as yours
But they were deep enough
Kashmir quick sand
And I'm still stuck
Dreaming of him, my dear
I wish I was sorry.
Aug 5, 2014
Aug 5, 2014 at 1:21 AM UTC
I never wanted to end up in a world where the only thing I ever really believed in was you.
But I guess things turn out the way they do regardless of how noble our intentions are.
And now you're with some girl who's name I can't bother to remember. And I don't know
What I've found, but I keep labeling it as love. All I know is he's not you. And his hands
Don't bruise my lungs the way yours did. And am I a ******* ********* if I miss it?
All I know is that his cigarettes don't taste like yours and his cologne is from a
Different box and I haven't heard his stories a thousand times. He hasn't
Hugged me in the snow or cried to me on the bathroom floor about
How large my heart was and how tiny his eyes were. All I know
Is that he's here and you're not and I'm not too sure how I
Feel about that. All I know is that I'm only this honest
When the sun is gone and I can't hide between
The cracks in my bones. The truth is I don't
Want you to be happy with her because
I'm too selfish for my own good. And
The truth is she won't love you
Nearly half as much as I could
And the truth is my virginity
Belonged to you but I let
Him steal it anyway
Because the truth
Is that you didn't
Deserve me
In the first
Place.
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 4:41 PM UTC
I remember the first time I saw your collar bone
And you thought you looked so
**** fine
You thought you'd come a long way
You'd worked so hard
You even claimed
That you wanted to look good
For me
But I never really knew
What you meant by that
Because you always looked
Good to me
And I fell in love
With your body
Just the way it was
The day I first saw you
And I hated the way
You'd turn your face
When I'd whisper in the serenity
Of three a.m.
Just how truly beautiful
I knew you were
Didn't you own a mirror?
But now
I stare at your collar bone
And your hip bones
And I can't help thinking
One day soon
I'll see your rib cage
And all of the things
That remind me
Of how human we all really are
And how we're all just
Piles of muscles and bones
And how one day
One of us will die
Leaving the other behind
Broken and alone
And maybe you think
That's the most
Attractive version of yourself
That you could ever possibly be…
But to me you're just
Fading away
And pretty soon
I'll be left
Without someone to love.
Jul 13, 2014
Jul 13, 2014 at 10:44 PM UTC
You drop the word
Forever
Like it's nothing
And I wonder
How many
Forever's
You've muttered
To all the girls
Before me
And I wonder
If forever
Is something I could
Really
Live to see
Perhaps forever
Is your way of saying
Please, my love,
Consider
Marrying me
Because to me
Forever
Is a promise
That few can really
Keep
And forever
Is a day
I never want to see
Because
I've been promised
Forever
A thousand times over
My ears, my heart
They're sick of
That word
Forever
Why don't you just
Love me today
And let forever
Speak for itself
For a change.
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 7:33 PM UTC