hesitance to accept my ever growing crush for a certain soul matured into a welcoming pain.
oh god, did I love her. she was the sun, loved by all, whom warmed beings that were once accumulated with glacial hearts. her laugh thawed my dispirit, her presence shaded light to a once overcast sight. it was forbidden to pursue her, the world said. yet, I clung to each touch of her lips which illustrated romance all over my skin. my heart stops beating when she leaves and continues the rhythm of a soft hymn the moment her body is pressed against mine again. tonight, i am missing her like a chopped thumb, a missing petal to a white rose, a winter without snow. a fresh heartbreak is on the way, I'm aware your love is intangible. For fuck's sake, in the meantime, kiss my skin...
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 8:28 PM UTC
The clouds wrapped the sky into a gray earth. Pounds of my heartbeats scattered, matching the rhythm of the thunder. "Protective" laced your being. I drowned in what was once a puddle of your affection. As the rolling thunder spoke, your soothing caress spoke louder. I was content. He was special. A man who was masked by masculinity. I saw through his frame. Yet he joked and told tales, he yearned to feel a certain touch.
It was early in the afternoon one day in a house my father could not afford. My father buckles me in my car seat. Irritated, as any other toddler, I kicked and screamed. I had a constant desire to know where my mother was. Unaware, I was on a new journey without her. Settling in the curiosity, I fell asleep in my car seat. I dreamt a sweet dream of being back home with my parents.
At my age, I am now aware that my mother had left me. My father had dropped me off at my grandparents. They became my guardians, and I loved them. Restless nights haunted my toddler soul and bones. I cried myself to sleep in my grandfather's arms, rocking in a rocking chair. I dreamt a sweet dream of being back home with my parents.
He was around the age of thirteen. Embezzled in basketball and video games, he was happy. The parents divorced years prior. Yet, his mother and father occupied him with gifts and gave attention.
It was a weekend in the month of February, his birthday weekend. He was due to visit with his father. He was disappointed to acknowledge his father's car to never show up. His mother smiled, sadly. "He will come next weekend, sweetheart." Next weekend turned into the next month. The next month turned into the next year. The next year turned into five years, where he had finally returned..
We swallowed abandonment to have never been digested. I twirled in the absence of my mother's departure. He caught the hurt by the neck and turned it inwards.
He understood my grief, I understood his resentment. The mutual pain outlined the shape of us. He nurtures my softly vacant heart, while I paint him pictures of new perspectives.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 8:02 PM UTC
My intuition spoke.
Separation was my vision.
I saw what is today, your departure.
I always knew the happy would not prolong.
It vibrated through the cracks of starvation from affection.
I tugged your leg as a child,
you tugged my heart a new beat.
I live in your silence.
How could you have done such a thing as to depart from me?
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 7:55 PM UTC
Love is not to be a confirmed code. Lust may embody what you think as love.
Neither is it to be defined.
Love is found in chemistry.
Maybe it's just the way his muscles undergo the act of holding not only her body, but her soul.
Or maybe, a man falls for a woman by simply her lips curled into a smile.
Our brains go wild, and we know when we know.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC
I want to possess a caress.
The nocturnal itch of tainted love
is tempting me to become insane.
Imagery of ligaments locked
is the focus of my brain.
May my sorrow only be gone
if I swing and dip into his hips?
No, it must not be so-
Men burnt these eyes of mine
with ugly cries.
I won't let you get your way tonight.
K.K.
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 12:21 AM UTC
You have proceeded
You took everything from me
My sanity, hope, and happiness
You took my lungs
and I did not notice
because I was still infatuated
with loosing you
than loosing an ***** to help me breathe
K.K.
Feb 6, 2014
Feb 6, 2014 at 10:18 PM UTC
If I put a gun to my head,
Would you flinch?
If I laid dead in a hospital bed,
Would you cringe?
If I did what you did to me,
Would you finally see?
Your self-hatred is your reality.
I lay in a sea of what we could be.
You're not here anymore
And you won't return. I know for sure.
You shut your car door
We kissed on the lips (For the last time)
and now I'm equipped
With your abandonment
and your car's leaked oil on the pavement.
Don't make me feel worse.
I already know you're gone.
My love for you was a curse.
But, if I shot myself in the head
Or
Laid dead in a hospital bed
Would that make you love me more?
K.K.
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 9:32 PM UTC
One day turns into someday, so
I suppose I should set a goal.
This is not what I want to be, bliss is what I'd like to be.
My opportunity is now while I'm young, but my stress is strung.
Worries hung on the wall, memories of his strong shoulders,
and incomplete homework into a folder.
I want a smile that's natural that will not last only for a little while.
A desire for a mind to admire, not just a heart that doesn't dart into love, but
a soul that is newly cleansed with not an ounce of pretend.
I still dream of you in my sleep and I still crave a love so deep it could compete with the ocean.
I'm currently twirling me into a sick motion.
Abandonment was lent to me, which led to a fiasco
and no, I'm not okay.
Sorrow bled onto my sheets, then it was your turn
for pills to slide down your liver and here I shiver with you gone,
but my hands shook when you came home from work.
For shame.
You scold me with burns.
I've learned to let you know I'm not for show or your doll, and you can't make me fall.
Someday is my one day and on that date will be my fate
with a natural smile that lasts longer than a little while and a cleansed soul. That's my goal.
K.K.
Jan 13, 2014
Jan 13, 2014 at 9:09 PM UTC
Late evenings get me blue.
I swear I'm always thinking about you
and things you said that weren't true.
It was never new
how you'd make me feel so low.
So when you didnt show,
I didn't care anymore. Even though,
I missed you until my heart popped
and my heartbeat had stopped.
Then I woke eventually,
where you spoke nonchalantly.
And sometimes you need my love.
Sometimes you'd rather shove
Me away until I push you away for days,
you get me in a haze,
I love you, I care, don't go
I'm not ready to be on my own
K.K.
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 11:15 PM UTC
Eventually I understood
That you're gone for good
and you kissed her goodnight instead
I lie here alone and she's in your bed
Maybe now you won't need alcohol
and she will help you not fall
There was a time you held on to me
where you laid so perfectly
and I knew that I loved you
but you knew there was only a few
not even one reason to stay
So I watched your car drive away
and my heart chose to follow my feet
back up to lie again in my defeat
of you never loving me
the way I chose to love you.
I initially had hoped one day you might call.
But you don't think of me softly
K.K.
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 1:39 AM UTC