Dear Lover,
I knew the moment I felt everything. My friend was telling me of her moment, and I was taken back to my moment. My moment where everything was clear and I felt everything. It was when the orange glow warmed my skin and you showed yourself to me. You showed me when you laid on top of me and hugged me with your lips. I felt it when you showed me your thoughts and I read through them all like a thick novel printed in watermarked tears. I felt it when we saw everything through our haze of ***** and **** but it was alright because I knew that I had today and it was beautiful.
I was excited for the night but you lived in your head and not in your heart. You resided in the dust, eternally wondering if the telephone lines were merely telephone lines or if your parents were trapping you into an infinite existence, making you turn to ash on your yellowed colored couch with the voices telling you to put the gun in your mouth. I felt it when you pulled from me like sweatshirt strings that are too long on one side and vanishing on the other. You pulled me away and cast me aside, under the unused springs for your bed and under the empty plastic bags where your coherent thoughts now lay.
I felt it when you taught me what the world was. I felt it as I traveled to you while the sun chased my shadows and the moon welcomed my embrace on the steps of your front door. I felt it. Because it's everything. I felt it when you finally left me, like I always said you would. Because I know you have succumbed to your voices and they have won. I know that you are living, eternally still. A dweller in the dust. And I won't say I miss you because it's everything. I know I will never find you now, because you have disappeared when I have so much to say, but you can't hear me with all the silence rushing in your ears.
Silence that is too loud.
It smells like death and sounds like relief because I am free from a silence I never knew was there. I have loved you and have hated you. I have lost you and found you. And now I wish to lose you again, because I am tired. I am tired of feeling everything, and I am tired of everything being clear. I want to be blind again. I want to smoke without wondering if I'll see your reflection in the smoke. I want to drink without wondering if I'll hear your voice residing under my ear. I want to write without wondering if you'll ever read it and feel the same way. I'm tired of wondering. So tired.
Remember even though I didn't give you my password, I still let you consume and destroy me.
A monster and his beauty with her body in a bed of thorns.
boomersooner
Me
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 2:25 AM UTC
Arms heavy
He cannot move
Lips sewn into the fabric of his skin
Molded straw stab his golden hands
Incantations bleed through his eyes
So the crows flee
Moonlight strips him of his shadows
Hungry wings flap far from his reach
Legs broken
He cannot leap
His ears cannot hear
So his screams are silent
Little souls giggle at his feet
Poking him with frost bitten fingers
Neck broken
He cannot look
So he is stuck imagining rosy cheeks
Imagining sparkly eyes and plump feet
He is a slave to his masters
Eternally still
He is sewn together with orange leaves and chilly nights
Wishing to move
Dec 22, 2014
Dec 22, 2014 at 2:03 AM UTC
a snake slithers to the tree in question
he becomes a man
tempting the woman covered in poison ivy
touching diseased lips to the inside of his fruits
they die together as their children are beaten
***** yellow teeth smile at the cries
a young girl crosses her legs in hopes of salvation
but she is a woman now
so she must leave herself open
like a lily in heat
repeated melodies sound from that old guitar
an artist stuck in the tip of his career
with a bottle of alcohol and a blunt in his hands
he drinks the whole bottle with malice
and drowns in his deceitful lungs
endless cigarettes flow through a filter
a girl loving the way he looks at her
with a smile and heater their only comfort
the cold breaks through the windows
so he leaves for somewhere warmer
and never returns
Dec 2, 2014
Dec 2, 2014 at 6:31 PM UTC
he came at night
selfishly touching me where he shouldn't
i didn't put up a fight
because i was supposed to be asleep
he came under the full moon
night after night he made me *****
and i was too scared to move until noon
where the sun was bright and he couldn't hurt me
he came in the dark
pressing a kiss against my lips
as if he wasn't a blood lust shark
destroying what i thought love was
he came slithering through the night just to touch himself
on sunday, monday, and tuesday
and all i could hear was his panting breaths
while his hands wandered without permission
he came when she slept right next to me
sleeping through the nights i felt so alone
he ignored the scars carved onto my legs
the scars that bared my pain unshown
he left in the dawn
wiping the ***** from his fingers
for now the monster was gone
but i knew he would be back by night
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 11:53 PM UTC
Babe, there's something tragic about you
Something so magic about you
Don't you agree?
Babe, there's something lonesome about you
Something so wholesome about you
Get closer to me
No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no irony
No 'who cares', no vacant stares, no time for me
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Babe, there's something wretched about this
Something so precious about this
Where to begin
Babe, there's something broken about
But I might be open about this
Oh what a sin
To the strand a picnic plan for you and me
A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to hide outside your door
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 11:40 PM UTC
Hey you're more than pretty. You're gorgeous. You're eyes sparkle brighter than any star. Your smile beats the moon. Your hair is so much fun to play with. Remember not to starve, purge, cut, tear, stab, poke, burn, scratch. There's no need too. I don't need to see your face to know your beautiful. I don't care what the mirror says. You deserve to know the ugly truth. You will always be beautiful and there's nothing you can say or do to change that.
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 11:37 PM UTC
today my fortune said
"romance and travel go together now"
i think i believe it
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 4:02 PM UTC
The lights burn behind my eyes
ropes of string pull out my corneas
it hurts
pounding
shaking
crumbling
my will shatters under the soft tissue of my eyelid
it stays there
I think in words not in numbers
they tumble from my mouth in desperate cries of plea
shifted shadows cover my colors
trembling under pressure
dusty and brittle they hum
clacking and clanking against the tin cups
they give us water in
smell of death so soft, it teases me
wisps of fire tickle them
breaking my screams with the crackle of the fire
the light retreats
taking my eyes away in coffee colored mason jars
Nov 21, 2014
Nov 21, 2014 at 12:58 AM UTC
i like to buy things
because then they are mine
always
can i buy you?
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 11:47 PM UTC
Dear Lover,
I am holding my heart in my hand, so I have decided to show it to you. Show you every pump, line, and hole. It is dark in some places but I don't think you mind. You are a lover of phrases, and a lover of my soul. I never thought I'd feel this way. You were the exact opposite of what my heart usually throbbed for. I found my nose in a permanent scrunch, kind of like the lines between your eyebrows. Ugly, stressed strings of life that pulled your face down into a constant state of negativity. I imagined you making love to me in a submissive manner and my nose almost fell off. When you kissed me that first time, I knew that there was nothing between us because you didn't even know how to kiss. I was in a state of disappointment 99% of the time because you were the exact opposite of who I wanted. My mouth betrayed me by laughing at you the other 1% of the time.
But that 1% quietly sneaked through every beat of my heart. It wove into the blood pumping into my lungs that helped me to breathe. I realized you were funnier than you had let on. I saw that your eyes changed during the day for I had only seen you at night. They were an endless clique ocean. Sharp and frosty, giving me a chill when you smiled at me. The one percent grew, stretching across my body until I could no longer breathe when you weren't around. I imagined you loving me and I had to sit down. When you kissed me, I knew you had been lying because my heart thumped, thumped, thumped and I was in awe, glad we were tangled together because I feared I'd vanish into your lips.
It hit me as you kissed me by the orange glow of the heater. So much that I had to pull away and gasp. Because I realized that I could breathe again after pulling you into my arms. It hit me when you took one of my cigarettes and smoked it whole. It hit me when you told me my eyes were beautiful and I saw your reflection in them. It hit me as you glowed like a god and I saw what beauty was. It hit me when you held me down and touched me as if I've never been touched.
Because I hadn't been. Before you. Dearest lover, I cannot say enough words to speak for my heart. All I can say is that I am in love with you. I am in love with the smell of alcohol on your breath because I know you will want to kiss me.The only time you yearn for my soft kisses. I am in love with the way you laugh when I say something funny. When you say those three words, I feel my ****** surfacing when it's been at bay my whole life and I am in love with you. I am in love with you even though you are crazy as ****
I want to be one of the voices you hear. I want them to tell you to love me so I won't be so insecure all the time and that you think I'm ugly. I want my voice to fill your head until I am the reason you go crazy. It's ****** up, I know. And I lied when I said that I would fall in love with you if we got married. Because I was in love with you the first time you asked. I was in love with you as I read your writing and I looked for myself in them. I knew I wouldn't be in them but I was still searching, searching, searching. Seeking myself in your beautiful words and lovely phrases.
You see the world under a colored glass mirror and I am in love with you. I am in love with every piece of fabrication that is you. It's a scary thing, how much I love you. I know you do not love me too. So I write this letter, knowing you can read it which scares me the most. Because my feelings are scary and I know you will leave like the rest of them. But I am in love with you.
So, stay in the glow of the orange light so that I may memorize this sight. When I am crying, I will be able to think back and remember the night that you were a god, and I a goddess. Back to the night when I felt beautiful.
And I am in love with you.
With facetious chagrin, Me.
Dear Me,
The magic of holding your heart in your hand has me afraid of its power. What has given you this ability? Because I want to find it, and give it a light knock on the head so it will reconsider a gift to you that would seem great, but only endanger you.
Looking around my desk where I read your letter, I see the signs of a troubled man. Could you feel my trouble when you came down to my community and saw its signs as well? By driving down, you set a record for yourself, and you set a record for me--because I am racing at breakneck speed to love you.
But I am not fast enough, nor wise enough, to love you. I can only arrange you in your communist jacket like a Christian student still life. I can only blow into your mouth and hope you feel my lungs, half-collapsed filters for cigarette smoke and vapor. I can walk beside you, but I cannot live inside because I am restless and unchoosing.
You will get me. Put your heart back inside and blow me a kiss until we untangle the world around us. Then at the center, I hope we remain, hearts thumping healthy again.
Remember, even though you let me in I still don't know your password.
Lover
Nov 20, 2014
Nov 20, 2014 at 1:46 AM UTC