kayla-ashleigh-gibbs
South African
I was born to parents who struggle with living from a whole place, but they and the rest of my family love me deeply. I have flourished in many ways, but I am not entirely sure how to live as a whole person who is courageous human. I am, however, on the journey of discovering how to do this via my faith in the Triune God. / / I have three younger brothers whom I love more than words are capable of expressing. We all love sport, movies and having fun together. Being able to watch them grow into three beautiful young men who have hearts for the LORD never ceases to bring me immense joy and move me in the best possible way. / / Formal education has served me well. I have a BHSc and am in the process of completing a Graduate Diploma in Theology. I love learning all things - but my true passion lies with the human body, psychology and Christian spirituality. Hopefully the LORD will continue to bless me with the privilege of being able to continue studying and sharing what little I know.
The burning slap of betrayal
Lingers on my heart,
Like his gentle hands on my lips.
Their delicate grace chasing away the troubles of my mind
And seducing me into blissful abandon.
One moment I am his,
The next I am left with nothing but the sickly sweet memories of tormenting abusive love.
Leaving nothing behind but the questions;
Am I his?
Am I mine?
Those around me stand as blurred edged silhouettes
On the boundaries of my despair.
Offering hope with outstretched hands and loving words.
The safe relaxation of their comfort seemingly
Untarnished and entirely mine.
The cracks of my soul begin to become beckons of light
Of a life lived and loved.
Until unexpectedly the shadow of those beautifully delicate hands that once were mine begin their torment -
As I realize that nothing is mine,
But his.
I am nothing but a flawed and fragile being.
Tainted by the actions of others -
Discarded to the boarders of lives unaffected by destructive hands.
Is it really better to have loved?
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 2:15 PM UTC
To have to say goodbye to someone
That has become more than just
A part
Of who you are,
But someone who has become
The part
Of who you are,
Is surely one of the most non-sensical
Feelings to be felt.
It feels like,
Debilitating pain.
As the unknown invisible structures of
Your heart rapidly
dis---in--te-grate
Into nothingness,
Leaving you to collapse and scatter
As the overpowering gales of life
Continue to blow
Around you.
Which leaves you to feel,
Nothing.
Nothing at all,
Because there is nothing left
to feel…
Nothing left…
to say
No emotion.
No words.
No sense.
Non-sense
That is how I feel about never
Seeing you again.
Jan 25, 2014
Jan 25, 2014 at 1:55 PM UTC
To have to say goodbye to someone
That has become more than just
A part
Of who you are,
But someone who has become
The part
Of who you are,
Is surely one of the most non-sensical
Feelings to be felt.
It feels like,
Debilitating pain.
As the unknown invisible structures of
Your heart rapidly
dis---in--te-grate
Into nothingness,
Leaving you to collapse and scatter
As the overpowering gales of life
Continue to blow
Around you.
Which leaves you to feel,
Nothing.
Nothing at all,
Because there is nothing left
to feel…
Nothing left…
to say
No emotion.
No words.
No sense.
Non-sens.e
That is how I feel about never
Seeing you again.
Jan 25, 2014
Jan 25, 2014 at 1:55 PM UTC
Dear Mommy
I think of you everyday
I think of how we used to tell stories together
How we used to dream
I think about how people could be blue
And everything was possible
I think about you kissing me good night
I think about how you love me
But most of all I think about how I miss you
I miss what we had
I miss what we didn’t
And I miss what we never will
Dear Mommy...
I love you
Oct 28, 2013
Oct 28, 2013 at 4:00 AM UTC
Sadness creeps in at the bitter end of yet another day of struggle
With it, it brings its friend Hopelessness
Who forgot to take out the trash from its mess yesterday – I’m still trying to get rid of the lingering smell!
Together they parade around my mind
Always oblivious to the growing darkness around them
Are they aware that they cause me such pain?
Do they know that they are betraying me when they take my only refuge – my mind?
Sadness,
Hopelessness,
Welcome back…
Sep 9, 2013
Sep 9, 2013 at 3:43 PM UTC
Inside my body feels like chaos.
There seems to be no sense to what is happening.
I am aware on a conscious level that something is going on inside my mind and soul,
but I cannot access it.
It's as if the things that torment me are lurking in the dark,
purposefully causing me pain,
luring me into the darkness,
tempting me with the idea that discovery is possible,
all the while knowing that they will not reveal themselves to me.
Rather they slowly ****** me into their realm of darkness
and begin to trick my mind that the darkness is the only truth that exists.
Darkness is a strange thing really.
On the surface it doesn’t seem very appealing.
It is something that holds fear and danger
and torments many people when presented in an external explicit way.
When presented in an internal way,
this fear and danger does not,
however,
seem to send off the same kind of alarm bells that one would normally hear.
It would, in fact, appear as if the mind is somewhat
intrigued
by the shadows within itself
that drift around like smoke in a breeze.
It is as if this intrigue
is enough to safeguard against the potentially sinister depths of a tormented soul.
I am not immune from this
as I too find myself perpetually drawn into the dark crevices of my mind.
I can only hope
that my fragile heart
remembers that it was not always shattered by darkness
– but rather
that it is held together by the Light that exists at the core of my divinely given being.
Apr 7, 2013
Apr 7, 2013 at 12:23 AM UTC