My body isn't beautiful
the used to be little but now big voice in my head says
when I stand sideways
when I sit down
when I run
when I walk
even when I stand still
because there's no illusion I could ever do
to make you see otherwise
because you can't fake reality
I was told to have a gap between my thighs and that my waist should be invisable
so I tried to do that
I tried the cheats and helps to make the process go faster
to make it easier
So,
I tried starving
I tried binging and purging
I tried to count calories
I tried the drugs
I tried it all
but my body isn't beautiful
unless its skinny and pretty or nice to look at
not unless its pleasing
for the male gaze
so I hide my pain and put on a disguise
I tried to be beautiful
because you make it look too easy
maybe you tried the hacks
the same ones I did
but they seem to work better for you
and not for me.
13h ago
Jun 3, 2026 at 5:33 PM UTC
I grew up forgiving you
because I knew I couldn't run
and I knew I couldn't hide
since you're family
so it's alright
I grew up wondering if you loved me
or if this is just what parents are for
to give you the feeling of hurt and longing
of what you wished for them to be
I grew up faster then I should've because I needed to know how to handle life on my own
because I knew you wouldn't be there
8 years later
and you're not
I guess that 7 year old girl was right
I guess the prayers she did
for things to be alright didn't go through
to the God everyone says answers you
1d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 3:32 PM UTC
Every mistake I make
consumes me
people say mistakes don't make you
then why do I feel like I'm becoming one
I've tried to be better
to be better for you
I really have
but I'm realizing no matter how hard I try I'll always be the mistake
that you remind me I am
I die more day after day
after each word you stab me with
I'm supposed to be a good daughter, girlfriend, sister, and friend
even though I'm not slightly close to being good for myself
I die more day after day
after every reminder that I'm more of a failure then I was the day before
And I wish I could run
from the person I've become
3d ago
May 31, 2026 at 10:25 PM UTC
I had all
and then most of you
Some
and now none of you.
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 7:40 PM UTC
I see myself as a flaw
something that needs fixing
something that isn’t enough
I’ve been told that I’m too much to be loved
and I replay it
over and over
thinking maybe if I was pretty or skinny
maybe then I could be loved
maybe then you would love me.
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 12:03 PM UTC
We pretend we're okay
and push our trauma away
so that they'll see us in a different way
Ignoring the fact that we're barely getting through the day
With the time ticking as it's quickly running out
Holding onto the end of our rope
With no hope
But drowning in doubt
I know what you do because I do it too
Hiding your grief under the bed
Numbing yourself to things people have done and said
Thinking that you're better off dead
While hiding the reality of every child hiding behind
a bright and deceitful smile
But truly and just honestly
we need revival
Why do we put band-aids on wounds that need a surgeon?
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 11:23 AM UTC
I'm not the
I don't have any friends kind of lonely
or the
nobody loves me kind of lonely
I'm the second option
the temporary
I'm the after thought kind of lonely
I'm the forgotten
I say "I'm okay with being alone."
but I've just adapted
to having no one.
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 10:27 PM UTC
I'm the eldest daughter
I carry the weight of others
I'm the therapy friend
and I've learned by being a therapist to myself
I hurt
I cry
I worry
but I have to be strong
because I'm the eldest daughter
they don't expect me to
hurt
cry
or worry
I have to be a role model
and know about the world
when I don't even want to be in it
I struggle silently
and heal alone
because I'm the eldest daughter
And I'm expected to be okay.
May 14
May 14, 2026 at 1:07 PM UTC
I'm tired of this ed that I have with me
It's the voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm not
skinny enough
pretty enough
fun enough
happy enough
the people who get it, get it
But the people who don't know what its like to skip meals
Or take out their lunch almost as easily as it was to put in
To those people,
just wish you never do
because it's something that never leaves you
you're always going to count the calories
and you're always going to look in the mirror wishing for something different
But the hardest part isn't not eating or trying to hide it
It's not being able to tell you
but I'm scared you'll leave if I do
or that you'll ask why
because the hardest part is admitting that it is a
problem.
May 13
May 13, 2026 at 3:15 PM UTC
I step on the scale and the numbers are higher
I want to call it a liar
only it's a fact that
all I have done has failed.
I know you notice
how your hands can't wrap around my waist
how I've grown heavier
how my legs aren't getting thinner
I know I have an obsession with my reflection
And I try to remove any and every flaw
But I pierce my skin
where I wish I'd look different
If I skip 3 days, would I look better?
Maybe then you'd notice me
Maybe then you wouldn't have to lie
when you say how "perfect" I am
Or maybe you'll replace me
with someone who can fill in the missing piece.
May 4
May 4, 2026 at 8:42 PM UTC