she smells like sunflowers
tastes like fresh mint
the jungles in her eyes go on for miles
he looks like thunder
a storm that never quits
his voice puts goosebumps on your neck
her God gives her courage
puts the light in her eyes
He smiles and laughs as she sings
songs of praise
glorifying His beauty
He reigns over her world
his courage dwindles
his dark world absent of light
he cries as his mother screams
his father hurts her
hitting and drinking
is this the love of a father?
he sees her dancing
his heart cries out
for the love of a child of The Holy One
she sees him crying
her God has given her compassion
her heart cries out
for the boy who yearns
she goes to him
to show him the love she has been shown
all along
the love her God gave for her to give
he looks up
sees all the love in her eyes
hope rushes in
and he cries
she holds out her hand for him
He holds out His hand for him too
and he knows He will make everything alright
May 4, 2015
May 4, 2015 at 9:35 PM UTC
I had this story in my head
I had this story on my heart
Where you were with me
Even when it all fell apart
I couldn't picture you with anyone else
But Satan is sweet
Giving me memories that never happened
Like the remains of your kiss on my cheek
I told myself I didn't care anymore
Oh a long time ago
But whether this is real
Or a joke
I'm not laughing
I can't get you out of my head
See I had this image
Where we ruled the world
We were just, brave, and true
You were compassionate too
We raised the heirs to the throne
To be as such
One time I had a nightmare
The kind where you wake in a cold sweat
You were asking people to help however they could
You were getting married
To the loveliest of girls
You wouldn't look me in the eye
Not even when I cried
I woke to tears and shaking hands
I prayed that it would never happen again
I tell myself that all I want is your happiness
But then I turn and think that I'm the only one who will make you so content
I want to only think of you when I see you
But I can't get you out of my **** head
GET OUT
I want to sleep
I'm tired but now that I've opened these floodgates I don't know if I'll shut my eyes until dawn
I have pains in my stomach
I feel knives in my ribs
I want you to love me
But you can't if you never did
Take these thoughts from my head
Give them to her
She's done something to deserve them
She's not just a convenience
Like a mat on which mud is scraped from boots
She's in the right place at the right time to love you and to have you love her too
So now again I feel empty
When I told myself I never should
I feel like I've been used
Though you never touched me like the other boys would
My thoughts are muddled
Like the feelings in my chest
As I lay trying to sleep
One day may I find rest
Now I'll stop rhyming like an idiot
Climb out of the valley in my heart
Find a boy one day
Who has the guts to tell me whether or not he loved me from the start
Feb 17, 2015
Feb 17, 2015 at 1:46 AM UTC
1. Compliment everyone that walks past you in the lonely hallways
2. Smile at everyone you pass in the crowded ones
3. Sit cross-legged even though you're wearing a skirt
4. Dance when you find yourself alone in class and you're waiting for the computer to load
5. Greet people you don't know
6. Wear that shirt that you love that everyone says makes you look fat
7. Wear converse with your dress
8. Wear your hair down no matter how bad you think it looks
9. Skip your homework and re-watch your favorite movie
10. Laugh it off when it stresses you out tomorrow
11. Cry at that sad part where you always try not to
12. Eat a bowl of ice cream even though it hurts your stomach
13. Go get an application at the place you never think would hire you
14. Sing in your car as loud as you can to that song you can hit all the notes on
15. Thank God for everyone you know whether or not you love them
16. Pray for their hearts
17. Pray they find Jesus if they haven't just yet
18. Pray that everything you did today brought glory to The King
19. Love everyone you meet every hour of every day
20. DON'T waste your time here
It's a gift that someone died to give you
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 12:17 AM UTC
I heard rumors and stories
but I thought that's all they were
I heard it from her
My stomach is in my feet
I can't breathe
My hands won't stop shaking
I feel sick
I swear someone must have socked me in the gut
Pouring salt on old wounds
On top of nostalgia of you
It's all so ridiculous
I'm going to give myself an ulcer
Merry Christmas
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 3:30 AM UTC
Tonight she said,
"Love doesn't die, but people do."
Then I realized
That nothing under the sun
Could take you from me
If the grave took you
I'd never stop loving you
Even if the grave
Took me
Dec 13, 2014
Dec 13, 2014 at 1:38 AM UTC
"How great it would be,
If we knew everything."
Then there goes all of our splendid curiosity.
"How marvelous a thought,
That we could make things easier,
Have less work for our aching bodies to complete."
If I had a wish
I wish I never did need to sleep.
So that I may pleasure myself on this reality.
Furiously dig through my Bible with a shovel and a pick,
Looking for answers,
Information,
Signs,
Love and instruction.
For hours upon hours until I cannot tell what the month may be.
I long to paint as a dancer dances,
With the control of the mind,
The grace of the limbs,
The soul of the spirit.
To paint the creation my Creator has created.
To stare at scenes for days upon days in hopes that I might create something that resembles such beauty.
To sing as though the river of my voice will never run dry,
To sing until the world stops turning.
For now I'll study until I must stop,
Paint until I bore,
And sing until I fall asleep.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 9:14 PM UTC
We're sitting on this bed kind of thing in a train. You're propped up on some pillows, your hair's all messy, your ****** hair all grown out, you can barely keep yourself awake. You keep trying to play with my hair and you just end up rubbing my back, your eyelids drooping and your posture relaxing. You hold me leaning against your propped up legs, and you finally fall asleep.
I'm facing a wall and I have some chalk, you've been talking in your sleep and I've been drawing what you've said. You start speaking in iambic pentameter and I laugh to myself. The train rocks and you wake up, only to ask me what time it is and fall back asleep. My watch is in a language I don't understand, so I shrug and go back to the wall with what are now paints and a brush. You trail off into mumbles and I begin to hum. I've finished the picture on the wall with your words and you smile, the sun dancing on your face as the train tears through the countryside.
We go through a tunnel, a tunnel with windows. I flinch and feel dizzy, the tunnel and the train spinning. You're awake and you reach up to touch my lip, you pull your hand away, your fingers covered in blood. The train lurches and I give in to the gravity, head hitting the wall and blood splatters ruining your picture.
You whisper something to yourself, and get up, all exhaustion gone. Someone opens the door and fires a crossbow at everyone in the room. He gets to me and I look at him, the crossbow is empty, and something tells me it always was. A man comes up behind the assassin and asks, "All clear? What about that one?" Referring to me. The man replies, "She's already gone." For the first time, I didn't know what he meant. As they close the door the second man puts a hand to his ear, "All clear on level X." The door closes behind him, and I turn back to you. You had your hand on my shoulder and I had mine on your shin, but as I turn your grip slackens and you reach up to wipe away some of the blood from my face. You flinch at the cut in your chest, a cut that wasn't there before. I sit up and look around the room. All the white jumpsuits around me are stained red, covering people who aren't breathing anymore.
Now we're wearing white jumpsuits and yours is slowly changing to scarlet, coming from the **** in your chest. I start to feel lightheaded from smelling all this blood. I look back at you and your eyelids begin to flutter, you force them open and look into mine. Your thumb strokes my cheek and you say, "Save them," with all the pain of endless suffering in your voice. You finally give in to exhaustion, and from your injuries I'm sure you're dead. But your chest rises and falls slowly and you still shift in my direction, seeking comfort like a cold child cuddles his mother in her bed at night. I try and wake you, you don't budge. I hear yelling and rushed steps down the hall helping my panic set in. I shove your shoulder, call out, I don't want to hurt you but I won't face whatever the hell this is alone. You simply won't wake up. The door slams open and before I can turn around I feel a sharp pain and as I look down I notice something shiny and red is protruding from my chest. The pain returns as the tool disappears, only to be replaced with blood slowly turning my jumpsuit red. A voice behind me scolds, "I told you X was clear." Running footsteps grow faint in but a moment. My own eyelids flutter and I fall into your embrace, you shift, adjusting the comfort of your position. I hear sirens approaching the train, from where I'll never know. I awake in my bed, surrounded by blankets and a sharp pain in my back. And I can't find you anywhere.
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 1:10 AM UTC
Walking down a hallway, I hear my name. No windows or doors, no distinction between floor and ceiling.
But my name.
Etched in the walls in every medium you could imagine: from pencil to pastel to acrylic to crayon. My name. All around me on these sullen walls, this repeated name over and over, all blue. So close in hue you almost couldn't see them. But you could, and as you read them they mocked you. As if they were saying,
'Why are you here..?'
The walls are closing in, this space is just too small. I don't know where to run, it's endless in every direction. I close my eyes and fall. In past dreams if you fall, you wake up before you meet the ground.
I didn't wake up.
The pain comes immediately, skid marks down my legs and blood falling out the scrapes. Head pounding, shoulder throbbing, running down the street. I fell into this city and I'm looking for you. I know you're here because you're in love with this place. I know you're here because you're you. I know you're here because I know you.
I run.
My vision gets blurry and this city starts to spin. Pass one street and the next, and the next, and the next.. Finally a familiar place, I feel the rush of knowing you're near. I'm getting closer. You haven't talked to me in weeks, I haven't seen you in months, I feel something running down my face. Memories that hurt more than the injury. I see that house and those cars in the yard, run up the walk and open the door. I don't even make it past the threshold as my face hits the floor. Injuries from the fall finally became critical.
I wake up and I see a ceiling. A pale sickly white, the walls are the same color. Then the pain starts to come. Slow hurt in my face from falling and falling again, my arm throbs in a cast, and I look to my right to see a blood bag along with an IV. The blood makes me nauseous and I hear a noise to my left, a person. Someone gets up and holds my hand, looks at me with shining eyes and tear streaked cheeks. I wipe one away with my casted arm, sending shooting pain into my spine. This persons appearance is unfamiliar, but they show me love like I've never seen or experienced before, the look in their eyes tells me I'm everything to them. I look at those eyes, and memories come to surface. Laughter, comfort, love, hurt, reconciliation, happiness. There's pain in my back and I involuntarily flinch, breathing and hoping for the pain to go away. It gets worse as my lungs start to hurt, my heart beats faster as I realize I'm scared. I look back up to find you still won't take your eyes off mine, and I finally figure it out. It's you. You run out in search of a nurse before I can open my mouth, and as my eyes close darkness takes over and pulls me under.
When I woke up alone I was the one with the tear stained cheeks.
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 12:49 AM UTC
I am the greatest liar I know.
Watch as I pretend to
stand for something.
Purity?
Listen as I tell you,
I've never kissed a girl
or even held her hand.
I'm saving everything for my wife,
isn't that grand?
Maybe physically modest I've remained,
but the confines of my mind are rotting.
Witness the perversions unveil
on my search bar as I fail to abstain.
My bathroom is a battleground.
Countertops stained from failed
attempts I longed to call victory,
shower rugs withering from endless moments
on my knees, begging you to forgive me.
Darling, I wish I could
love you as you deserve.
But the depictions flicker
behind my eyelids in every
blinking moment,
and despite the constant
praying, I can't stop preying,
the craving screams my name
through bleeding lungs
and a parched tongue.
I've lost all control.
Demons are clawing their
crooked fingers through the cages
of my heart, of our heart,
and my ribs are cracking
as our romance is shattering.
Love, I'm so sorry.
I have tainted all you were,
my nightmares have mutilated
your innocent perfection.
I am not worthy to hold you
in my arms, even if you're the first,
these stains cannot be erased.
I have left cobwebs in your corners,
they'll never be clean again.
It's my fault,
I am a vicious poison.
I don't know how to change.
I've lost the power to say no,
I don't have a cast for the broken bones,
the bodies are still littered beside
my personal porcelain Hates.
I hate me. You deserve better.
I can't perform an exorcism on myself,
and I can't wipe the webs off the shelf,
I can't even reach the top without help.
I wish I could say I love you.
But love is sacrifice
and the only thing I've
sacrificed is my commitment
while betraying my integrity
and slaughtering the promises
I stole from you.
In this moment of brutal honesty,
I'll admit my inadequacy
but as soon as morning
I'll forget about reality.
Watch as I fight to become
the best failure I don't want to be.
m.w.
Apr 13, 2014
Apr 13, 2014 at 5:43 PM UTC
Blood dripped from my eyes like tears.
Maybe they were just tears.
It dripped from my mouth and I dug my nails into my palms, wishing it would stop.
Blood began to drip from my palms too.
Something stung my side.
I put my hand to it and pulled it away, now completely covered in red.
Although it was not exactly red.
It was dark, making the red more of a black maroon.
I was drowning in black maroon.
You'd think being covered in blood would be enough to wake me up completely.
But sadly it wasn't.
Laying in half-consciousness, my blanket slowly soaking in black maroon.
Tangling around my legs and around one of my arms, I couldn't get it off.
Suffocating in a wet blanket, crying with closed eyes, wanting to die.
I heard music.
A piano.
I didn't know who was playing, or why, or where.
I stopped struggling long enough to listen, it was happy and loud.
'What is there to be happy about?'
I wondered, no one is coming to save me.
I heard a little girl laughing.
"Play my favourite, James!"
She had an accent I couldn't identify, but her request changed the song.
The music stopped for a moment, then when it started again, it was soft and sweet.
But also sad.
I could feel the music creating cracks in my heart.
Someone was walking towards my room.
I turn so I'm laying on my other side, now facing the door.
A pool of black maroon was spreading on the floor.
My breath stopped as I froze.
No one could ever bleed that much.
The door began to open and she walked in.
She couldn't have been much older than I, tall and so thin I thought she would snap, she walked in with a grace and balance so fine it couldn't have been human.
Then I saw her hands.
Her palms were metal, shining in the light from the hall.
Her fingers each a long thin blade.
I felt my heart stop completely.
I looked up and wish I hadn't.
Her face was so sunken in you could see every bone, her eyes hollow shadows.
She was beautiful.
Until she lunged for me and I heard my own screaming echoing inside me as I sat up in bed.
I was shaken but standing.
But broke when I saw the right side of my face covered in dried black maroon, and the matching stain that covered half of my pillow.
Jan 18, 2014
Jan 18, 2014 at 1:41 PM UTC