Darling,
I'm in love with you.
And I can't sleep because I am mourning for us.
You will leave,
You have no choice.
I will stay...
But we could have had such a great life together.
Oh darling can you imagine?
Waking up to each other every morning and falling asleep tangled into one, as the moon bathed us in her shimmering light.
Promising to stay by each other's side till death finally caught on to us, realising that our happiness is far too good to be true.
Darling, there is so much to say, but no words to say it with.
Can't we figure this out?
Is there really no other way?
Darling I love you.
Jul 7, 2018
Jul 7, 2018 at 12:26 AM UTC
Darling,
I will never be able to completely comprehend the magnitude of your suffering.
Unfortunately I can not change your past.
And I know this is an annoying notion,
but your past has shaped you into who you are today.
But darling,
I promise to love every part of you and do my best to treat you the way you should have been treated your whole life.
A beautiful soul like you deserves to be worshiped.
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 6:03 PM UTC
Darling,
I want to witness how the ocean's breeze plays with your hair
and how your cheeks get slightly more pink from the heat.
I want to build sand castles
and pretend that they're life-size
...or better yet - not,
So that we could hide away inside their sandy walls,
pretending that life is but tiny speaks of gold.
I want to swim with you
and chase the waves.
Let's be two mermaids in love
and co-exist happily ever after.
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 5:09 PM UTC
Another sunset.
Another day of wondering if life is worth living.
Another hour contemplating the end of me.
I find myself so conflicted,
Yet very much at peace.
Serene.
In moments like these death feels like a promise from a loved one.
A beautiful promise one would hold close to one’s heart.
It feels like “I miss you” that actually means something.
For once, I am no longer angry.
For once, I feel alive.
How ironic.
Not numb,
Not lonely,
Not suffering,
But at one with the universe.
Of course life is a blessing and it is beautiful,
But I think I’m just one of those people, who were simply not made for it.
I hope I’m not scaring you with my words,
That is not my intention.
Goodbye Darling,
Perhaps we will meet again in another world.
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 1:25 PM UTC
Darling,
When you said that you were “very serious” about me,
Did you mean it?
I have feelings for you,
But I don’t like being played.
Let’s sort this out before it’s too late (rhyme).
To quote from Frank Sinatra’s ‘Fly Me To the Moon’,
- “Please be true.”
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 1:23 PM UTC
Early on I stopped hoping for promises to be kept.
Later on I stopped hoping all together.
You could say that I've become hopeless
or maybe I just started to see the world for what it really is.
Either way, the end outcome is that I am numb,
but now and again the disappointment of it all still stings nonetheless.
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 2:56 PM UTC
Today I went to see my brother's hockey playoffs at the rink where I used to skate.
- it wasn't at all a calculated decision.
The whole time I sat staring into the screen of my phone.
Paralyzed.
Fearing that you might be in the same building.
Teaching.
Your license not yet taken away.
Flashbacks.
Parents angry that I didn't watch the game.
- I couldn't move.
Fearing I would attract the ghost of you and the horror that always follows alongside you.
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 11:00 AM UTC
What did you mean when you said that I was "enough"?
Because unfortunately,
I have never felt "enough" before.
Never skinny "enough".
Never muscular "enough".
My mind has never been able to function normally "enough".
I have never been "enough" for anyone,
- my mother says that I'm using her for money,
but that she never receives "enough" affection from me in return.
If I'm not "enough" for my own mother, how can I be "enough" for you?
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 9:50 AM UTC
I am overthinking everything again,
- you,
- my current emotional state...
-us?
I wish I wasn't,
but I guess it's a part of me,
like everything else.
I just need to accept it and allow myself to be happy.
...happy with you (?)
Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 9:45 AM UTC
I want to dance with you under the bottomless sky of stars.
Our feet painting patterns in the wet, soft grass.
When we kiss,
The world will burst with colours.
It will be so overwhelming that we will have to lie down.
Both looking up at the stars and smiling cheek to cheek like two idiots.
Two idiots in love(?)
Hands intertwining and having a dance of their own.
It would be one of those moments when time stops and a familiar thought creeps up on me:
"Oh how nice it would be to die right now, while life is still good and I'm with you".
Jun 23, 2018
Jun 23, 2018 at 11:54 AM UTC