I listen to that song you liked so much
close my eyes and breathe the air you're not breathing
It kills me
I'm breathing but it kills me
Each breath, and I'm closer to madness
Deceivingly bothered by unattachments
to you
to life
to this mediocre page in my journal that can cut you like a knife
into a million pieces
goodnight
Aug 27, 2015
Aug 27, 2015 at 5:26 AM UTC
"I have nothing to say."
What? Am I supposed to feel better that everyone has ******** stories than I?
They've been ***** abused, almost killed, addicted to drugs and other things.
They have scars.
But so do I.
Its like this competition of who's more deserving of feelings.
Who's more depressed? And its sick. As ****
Got people in here lookin at you like you're totally fine, and people out there lookin at you like you're not.
Jul 24, 2015
Jul 24, 2015 at 6:52 AM UTC
She's going in reverse
she felt like a baby who needed a security blanket, a teddy bear
throwing inner tantrums, praying for something
She used to be a chameleon, adapted
must have lost her colors to something so ******* shallow
oh well, she's not ashamed, her body can't help it
**** it, she says
She's a baby, going backwards
needs, needs, needs
gets, and pushes away
Lost connections make her feel hopeless
Since when did everyone become a part of her?
The irony is that nobody really is
She shelters herself in a daydream
is her own bestfriend, makes herself feel ordinary
Comfortable, safe, apparently its dangerous
She lacks, but she loves
She's a baby
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 6:47 AM UTC
I want to have control
but truthfully the thought of pleasing you controls me
the guilt I'd feel inside of not pleasing you controls me
and although I may have the control of a different mindset
My love for you is simply too strong to control
Why, I'd die to have control of my life
I'd die
Sep 21, 2014
Sep 21, 2014 at 3:13 PM UTC
Drained, depressed, dead
I'm not supposed to feel this way
Confused, clueless
I feel them getting closer
Scared shitless
Why is that shadow moving?
Distorted view
Chaos at the tip of my toes
Why is my head spinning?
Helpless, hopeless
Shaking bodies, no control
Banging heads, squeezing arms, bruising legs
Nobody sees
Dead
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 5:25 PM UTC
These strong urges, these strong desires
to get to that final destination
Chills taking over my entire body
starting from my arms straight to my head
Blanking my whole mind
These good feelings, amazing feelings
I think this is the best I've ever felt, and that's sad
I'm sad that I feel complete at this moment
Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 3:38 AM UTC