Dear sister,
I am to blame for the scars littering your wrists,
I am to blame for your sleeve clad arms in the summers heat,
I am to blame for the tears you shed
and the insecurities that torture you day and night,
I am to blame.
Dear friend,
I am to blame for the saddness that constantly follows you,
I am to blame for the days you spend alone,
I am to blame for your scars and burns,
I am to blame for the tears and screams
you choke on until you feel sick,
I am to blame.
I am to blame and I know that,
yet I still push you away and pretend I don't notice the hurt and disappointment in your eyes.
I push you away even though you are the two most important people in my life and the thought of living without you is unbearable.
I push you away even though I love you more than I could ever love myself.
And I dont know why I do this, even though the loneliness I feel without you physical hurts and gets so bad I keel over and want to scream
and fall down
and drink
and smoke
and do anything to stop the hollow feeling that engulfs me.
But I am to blame for my own saddness.
And I am to blame for yours.
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 12:24 PM UTC
It feels like i'v been doused in gasoline
and you are lighting me on fire every time we touch,
but I dont mind,
because you are worth burning for.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 5:38 PM UTC
i was fine
until i remembered you
and i dont want you back
i just want the past to be my present
and live forever in your room
each day be the same as the last
just you
just me
surrounded by empty cans
listening to that one band
all it took was one smell
a reminder of when days were clearer
and my mind didnt blur
and i may have been sad
but who'd have known i'd be sadder
the days are getting shorter
i dont care
i care to much
i dont want to die
i want to have never existed
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 11:50 AM UTC
Its usually happens during the day,
I will catch myself laughing,
radiating genuine joy instead of the usual fraudulent happiness.
I'll feel the relief wash over me like a wave,
carrying away every dark thought i've ever had.
Leaving me feeling weightless and euphoric.
And in that brief moment
I can finally see the rays on sunlight
shining through the murkey waters of my mind.
I will be overwhelmed at the concept
to have finally made it.
To finally see the significant beauty of life
through untainted eyes.
Yet at 2am,
when the worlds asleep and i'm all alone.
The only company being
my bedroom walls.
The air will begin to thicken in my lungs,
and I will forget how to breathe.
The silence will scream at me as the empty
walls start to close in.
I will feel the numbness sink in,
and it will consume me,
as I let the tears fall begin to fall.
I will cry for myself,
and i'll cry for everyone I love.
I will cry for the ones who betrayed me,
and for all the people I have betrayed.
I will cry because there is nothing
I can do to stop the feeling of nothingness
and imense sadness hit me
in these early hours.
Tearing away my sanity with it's
claw like nails.
And only in the early hours
will I curse myself for being so niave,
foolish to think I could ever
escape my mind.
To think that I was ever ok.
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 1:46 PM UTC
Are you happy?
Before you answer,
remember there is a distinct difference
between being happy and feeling joy.
In the same way there is a difference
between being awake and waking up.
As joy is only temporary,
a short-lived burst of feeling.
An explosion of colours and laughter,
and in that moment you think
"yeah, maybe im alright".
But that sensation will dissolve
and you will be left feeling empty,
whereas happiness is constant and reasuring.
Now can you answer my question.
Are you happy? or are you still waking up.
Sep 27, 2014
Sep 27, 2014 at 7:11 PM UTC
I want somebody to sit with me on the rooftop at 2am,
talking about the world,
listening to slow songs.
I want someone who I can trust.
I want someone to live through adventures with me and who will love me as much as I love them.
Sep 18, 2014
Sep 18, 2014 at 3:35 PM UTC
she had beautiful eyes
the kind you could get lost in
and i guess
i did.
Sep 18, 2014
Sep 18, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC