Rusty knives and razor blades
Prescription pills and *****
Head banging and punches
And self inflicted trauma
**** hits and tall buildings
Open windows and tears
Cold showers and beds
And gone, forgotten years
Choke holds and slaps
Suffocation and crying
Pain and suffering
And constant constant lying
Leather chairs and doctors
Empty pill bottles and warnings
Stitches and bandages
And lonely, cold mornings
Emergency rooms and ambulances
Cold ground and screams
Stuff me in a hospital
As I tear apart my own seams
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016 at 7:52 PM UTC
Sadness is 2 am
Sadness is self doubt
Is self pity
Sadness is overbearing
And haunting
Sadness is crying out of nowhere
Sadness is the floor at night
Convulsing uncontrollably from overdose
Banging your head against the wall
Sadness is infinite and finite
Sadness is healthy
And deadly
Sep 13, 2016
Sep 13, 2016 at 9:54 PM UTC
Anger is ***** him"
Anger is yelling at yourself
With all the windows up
Anger is digging your nail into your hand
In a desperate attempt to feel pain
To feel pain over the anger
Anger is forgetting your meds
And screaming at your sister
Anger is frustration
Is disappointment
Is giving up
All wrapped into a nice little package,
Conveniently engulfed in flames
Sep 13, 2016
Sep 13, 2016 at 9:51 PM UTC
her hair was blonde and wavy
she would wear it down
and run her hands through it,
like clockwork
her smile was bright
it came just as often as her laugh,
also luminous
like a starry sky
her skin was soft,
her eyes blue,
her cheeks full,
and her lips pink
she graced a room with her presence,
her enthusiasm,
her wit,
and her smile
she stood up for her beliefs
and protected her friends
she was a fantastic gift giver
and an excitable partner
she gave often,
took rarely,
lifted up those around her,
and never stopped loving
all the while,
she was fighting a losing battle;
one with herself,
in the comfort of her own head
she bore the battle scars
on her legs, wrists, and hips
she hid them with her smile
and that ever so frequent laugh
she could not explain
why she, a girl with such promise,
felt like rotting wood
and cracked pavement
she could not,
and would not,
come to terms
with her withering state
no longer believing in herself,
she succumbed,
broken and fearful,
and left her body
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 1:04 PM UTC
"Nothingness" is usually represented by the color black
Yet the color white is pure and all-telling
"Nothingness" is white hot and unforgiving
Why is heaven always white?
Why is it that I am comforted by a pitch black room, not a cloud filled sky?
Why is it that the complete absence of color and light gives me a sense of calm?
A white sheet will stain
But darkness reveals no secrets
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 9:36 PM UTC
Fearless and driven
Not in the heroic way
Or in the way that builds character
But in the way that digs graves
Fearless and driven to bring about my own demise
Not void of guilt or shame
Fearless and driven in ignoring those emotions
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 9:34 PM UTC
quiet screams float through my rotting windpipe
I yell out for mercy or release
but my pleas are silent and help lost
how do you break the news?
that you are far beyond saving?
how do you cry for help, for mercy, for release
when you are biting your own tongue
and clutching your own throat
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 9:31 PM UTC
I take life and death seriously
I intended to die
I intended to be nothing
I am alive
I am nothing
I am an empty shell
When I gave the grim reaper my word
He took my soul
And when I went back on my word
He kept my soul
I threw myself into the black nothingness of death and sadness
And now purge myself of the horrid remains
From the night I stared death in her comforting face
And was pulled away from her embrace
To say I never wish to return to the bliss that was nothing would be to lie
To say I want to experience what is beyond that nothing would be to lie
I am grim like my good friend
I am scared like those around me
Yet I am different than them
I stared death in her beautiful face
And now see everything in a brand new way
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 9:52 PM UTC
I don't wear bracelets
I don't wear necklaces
Once I wore rings, but decided it wasn't for me
I used to wear earrings
But the night my mom discovered the blood on my legs
She took them out to clean them
And they never went back in
I don't wear jewelry
But I wear scars like I would diamonds and pearls
Draping my chest, where I scratched until I saw red beneath my nails
Tossed upon my thighs and wrists, where I drag a blade every night
Marks like rings on my fingers, from when I decided to break apart a shaver to get to the blades within
If my scars were diamonds, I'd be the richest woman alive
But my scars are ******
And I don't flaunt them like jewelry
I hide them, like you would an invaluable piece of jewelry
When you want nobody to know you possess it
Jul 19, 2016
Jul 19, 2016 at 10:30 PM UTC
This is my **** you poem
Well, it's not even a poem
This is my message to an ******* that decided my life was worthless
You tore me down
You stripped me of myself
Of the characteristics that defined me
You took away my innocence, my happiness, my compassion, my enthusiasm
You took it all but it wasn't yours to take
Neither is my life. My life is mine
You can try to **** me
Like I tried to **** myself
But you will never take my life from me
You will not get as close to that as you did
I won't let you
Because I realized little by little
In every doctor's chair and with every new pill I take
That you don't define my struggles
You don't deserve that recognition
You deserve fire and brimstone
But I'll settle for the guilt knowing that you almost killed someone who loved you with all her heart
Who let you take her innocence, happiness, compassion, and enthusiasm
I'll let you live with that, and I'll keep living
This is my **** you poem
Jul 15, 2016
Jul 15, 2016 at 10:33 PM UTC