jy-lim - Hello Poetry

Up in my flat, it sounds like people getting drunk, screaming and laughing and car alarms going off downstairs. I imagine it smells like food, like barbeque, and smoke. Maybe it smells like boys, that intoxicating scent of dopamine before you lose your head and do something stupid opposite-sex-related. It probably smells like the alcohol I haven’t tasted except in my mother’s wine chicken since I was fifteen. My friend, J-Han, said to me, once, am I sure this is what I want to do, don't you want to live, are you not young? No, I am born old, and my daddy agrees, and everyone says, that fools live happier lives, so why are you so serious — you need to loosen up — you need to let things go — don't think so much — relax — shut up, shutupshutupshutup ... I am lonely in my flat but in this large complex they built, everybody stands in the lifts and nobody talks, and we are all strangers, and I am someone who comes and goes between school and locks up before leaving on Fridays and repeating it on Sunday.

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Jun 21, 2013

Jun 21, 2013 at 7:17 AM UTC

jy-lim

Young/Old.

Up in my flat, it sounds like people getting drunk, screaming and laughing and car alarms going off downstairs. I imagine it smells like food, like barbeque, and smoke. Maybe it smells like boys, that intoxicating scent of dopamine before you lose your head and do something stupid opposite-sex-related. It probably smells like the alcohol I haven’t tasted except in my mother’s wine chicken since I was fifteen. My friend, J-Han, said to me, once, am I sure this is what I want to do, don't you want to live, are you not young? No, I am born old, and my daddy agrees, and everyone says, that fools live happier lives, so why are you so serious — you need to loosen up — you need to let things go — don't think so much — relax — shut up, shutupshutupshutup ... I am lonely in my flat but in this large complex they built, everybody stands in the lifts and nobody talks, and we are all strangers, and I am someone who comes and goes between school and locks up before leaving on Fridays and repeating it on Sunday.

49

Staying in bed, reading a book, watching a show and braiding my hair; I wish I didn't have to go, and I wish I could keep this state of mind. It is hard for me to be okay, and I haven't talked about it in two years, so excuse me if I am a lackluster spell. I cannot open my mouth and it is this box locked in my chest under my lungs again.

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Jun 16, 2013

Jun 16, 2013 at 12:28 AM UTC

jy-lim

Sunday morning spell.

Staying in bed, reading a book, watching a show and braiding my hair; I wish I didn't have to go, and I wish I could keep this state of mind. It is hard for me to be okay, and I haven't talked about it in two years, so excuse me if I am a lackluster spell. I cannot open my mouth and it is this box locked in my chest under my lungs again.

18

i don't know why we are still friends i don't know how to stay up the two hours we are together and though my laugh might get louder but looking you in the eye i think everything i have to say is less and less interesting i wrote a song about our best friends back when and it goes "try to make you laugh but you make me wanna stop" and when you talked to me about him and her i am okay until i cannot take it anymore suddenly and i know i cannot make you laugh are we friends because of the memory? they were bad memories is it guilt? repentance. why are we still friends? 380 kilometers and 4 years no sound

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Jun 15, 2013

Jun 15, 2013 at 3:59 AM UTC

jy-lim

Staccato Laugh.

i don't know why we are still friends i don't know how to stay up the two hours we are together and though my laugh might get louder but looking you in the eye i think everything i have to say is less and less interesting i wrote a song about our best friends back when and it goes "try to make you laugh but you make me wanna stop" and when you talked to me about him and her i am okay until i cannot take it anymore suddenly and i know i cannot make you laugh are we friends because of the memory? they were bad memories is it guilt? repentance. why are we still friends? 380 kilometers and 4 years no sound

32

It is what I do since the 50's of my 18 years — Mummy, do you cry when you walk away and leave me crying here (too?) There were wars where we fought it out, like angry soldiers without cause — without loyalty... So mummy, you should know, I will forever be loyal to you even when I tell you I am upset with you, even when you are digging your claws so cluelessly into my throat — A fortune teller once told you, you told me, that I didn't know, sometimes, if you loved me; You said then, "There's no way, right?" like you weren't sure, and I said, "Of course not." I did not lie, I know. (even when my nightmares were of you forgetting me) Like a person waking up from a car crash, I know I have all my limbs, I just don't remember, and I am just scared.

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Jun 14, 2013

Jun 14, 2013 at 10:25 AM UTC

jy-lim

Novelty.

It is what I do since the 50's of my 18 years — Mummy, do you cry when you walk away and leave me crying here (too?) There were wars where we fought it out, like angry soldiers without cause — without loyalty... So mummy, you should know, I will forever be loyal to you even when I tell you I am upset with you, even when you are digging your claws so cluelessly into my throat — A fortune teller once told you, you told me, that I didn't know, sometimes, if you loved me; You said then, "There's no way, right?" like you weren't sure, and I said, "Of course not." I did not lie, I know. (even when my nightmares were of you forgetting me) Like a person waking up from a car crash, I know I have all my limbs, I just don't remember, and I am just scared.

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